The Saga - Ghosts

If you missed the previous installments of this saga:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

So on with the next installment that makes the fact that Bobby Ewing was in the shower for a whole season of Dallas look like a great plot after all - the saga continues.

With Amy Sampson dead, and the police having many unanswered questions, Mo is totally aware that the last 6 months have all been borrowed time as an international manhunt has continued.

The sound from the television all of a sudden seemed familiar. Looking up Mo saw her name on the bottom of the screen. Anderson Cooper continued to speak: "After 6 months police across the world still seem unable to capture Monique Van Boxtel. She is wanted in connection with at least 2 murders and the attempted assassination of Michael Jackson in June. Inspector Andy Cole, of Interpol, will be with us after the break."

A single tear rolled down her cheek as Mo once again looked at her laptop screen. The annoying voice from AOL announced: "You've got femail." The lesbian joke still brought a semi-smile to the face of Mo; no matter how bad she was feeling.

Something was not right. The sender was simply AFriend@gmail.com. Mo had never seen that email address before; but something inside her told her to open it.

It simply read "I am a friend."

Another email arrived from the same address. This time it read "Look behind you."

Mo swung around in her chair expecting to see an undercover cop; but it was Lara. As they spoke she explained that since the manhunt had begun she she had been trying to track Mo down.

Lara: I asked about you on the forums, on Twitter, I even spoke to 4 Michael Jacksons.
Mo: How did you find me?
Lara: Eventually I got told on MySpace where you were seen. The odd thing is the person signed the message as ~Souza~.
Mo: How the hell could it be Souza? She is dead.
Lara: Well I got in touch with Badkolo. He traced the IP address to his Mom's front room. Anyway I got another message yesterday which said you was in this town.
Mo: BADKOLO! I thought he was dead.
Lara: So did I.
Mo: But if this person knows I am here then it won't be long before the police know.
Lara: That is why we have to get away from here.

As Lara and Mo left the cafe Mo couldn't help but feel she was being watched. A figure stepped out of the shadows and sniffed the chair that Mo had been sitting on.

Lara should never have mentioned Souza. As Lara drove all Mo could see was Souza. No matter where she looked Souza was there. A small girl carrying a red balloon suddenly morphed into Souza. The man selling hot dogs suddenly morphed into Souza. It was the nightmare that Mo had been living every day since she had killed Souza. In Mo's mind Souza was everywhere; as she had been since the day Souza died.

Lara: So where to?
Mo: Anywhere.
Lara: We need to rest. Make a fresh start in the morning.
Mo: Sounds good.

Pulling into a motel Lara went in alone to book the room while Mo waited in the vehicle. Once in the room Mo laid on the bed and fell asleep instantly; for the first time in months feeling safe enough to sleep fully.

Waking, the next morning, Mo couldn't move. As she became aware of things, little by little, she realized her hands and feet were handcuffed to the bed. Thoughts ran through her head - was it the police? why would the police do this? She struggled to free herself to no avail.

Mo: We haven't got time for this kinky shit. I like you and all; but we just don't have the time.
Lara: I like you too. But I don't eat fish tacos.
Mo: What the fuck?
Lara: Goodbye.

Mo let out a scream as Lara left. Alone, handcuffed to the bed, she wondered what her fate was. After what seemed like hours, but in reality was mere seconds, the door opened.

Souza: Hello Mo.
Mo: It can't be. You are dead.
Souza: (pressing her hand against Mo) Do I feel dead?
Mo: I killed you. I saw your lifeless body.
Souza: Did the MJ hoax teach you nothing? All the things we investigated together.
Mo: Fuck you. I investigated everything you just thought up new plans to deceive everyone. Getting banned at MJHD, creating TS and TIAI. You stupid cunt you thought nobody would work it out; but they did.
Souza: But by then everyone thought we were a team. You couldn't say anything. If I fell then you would fall along with me.
Mo: Well it doesn't matter now Michael is alive; the whole world knows it.
Souza: And poor little Amy is a rotting corpse somewhere.
Mo: You are fucking crazy.
Souza: No. What was crazy was trying to kill MJ. He gave me my fame, my platform to push the Illuminati down peoples throats, he gave me glory.
Mo: Well you are fucked then because he is back.
Souza: That is why you are going to help me kidnap him.
Mo: I am not helping you do shit. I'll go to the police and tell them you are alive and what you are planning to do.
Souza: I don't think so. After all you killed me. As far as I am concerned they think I'm dead.
Mo: I won't help you bitch.

Mo struggled to get free. But it was impossible. She broke down in tears as she realized her only way out of this nightmare was to help Souza. She thought about it. She had been the on that had helped Souza all along - fooling people, lying, plotting to kill - but this was too much.

Souza sat by the bed and whispered "I'll be back soon my dear." She kissed Mo on the cheek and then covered her mouth with duct tape. She turned the TV on. A local news reporter was at a car wreck. The driver had been identified as Lara; and was pronounced dead at the scene.

Souza laughed as she left the room; locking the door behind her.


Cuss Count: High

Legal Notice: All characters, and events, are fictional. Any resembelance to people on hoax forums is merely coincidental.


Merry Christmas From MJHDC

Tis the season to be jolly and all that happy horse shit; so without further ado here is a gift from myself to all.

A "Word Search" puzzle created using the top 50 words in the Label Cloud of this very blog. So while the relatives are wasted on the couch from your alcohol; and the kids are screaming that there are no batteries you can while away a few minutes.

Be ultra trendy and share with friends, family, and pets. Print out the PDF file and share with work colleagues if you want.

Peace; and Merry Christmas.

Cuss Count: Seasonal

Legal Notice: The word search puzzle is provided "as is" and all words have been checked to appear in the puzzle.


Hoaxer Christmas Gifts

Fuck searching eBay for Christmas presents for the hoaxer in your life. Now exclusively from MJHDC productions a selection of gifts are available. All orders placed before December 22 will be shipped in time for Christmas no matter what corner of the world you live in.

The Foam Finger: Tired of supporting your team to see some over-paid asshole fuck up on the field and lose the match for nothing? Well now you can support Souza and Mo as they take to the battlefields. Who will win? Who knows or cares? But you can show your support for either side with this giant 'Flip The Foam' finger. So fuck off Souza and fuck off Mo; support who the fuck you want for just $29.95

The TS Calculator: Confused by the Souza/TS/TIAI posts and how they worked that shit out? No longer do you need to worry as no matter what number you press on this 'unofficial official TS calculator' the answer will always be 7; or a derivative of 7 such as 777. Hoaxing clues will no longer baffle you as you look like Albert Einstein on crack with this unofficial official TS calculator. Yours for the low, low, price of $7.77

Rosetta Stone (Mauraish): Are you a hoaxer that doesn't live in a gutter? Are you confused by the crazy fucked up ebonics that Maura spouts out of her mouth? Fear no more. MJHDC in association with Rosetta Stone present Mauraish levels 1 - 5. By the time you have finished this world class software course you will be able to speak like Maura; and be able to back track anything you say without making sense. Michael's message has never been so fucking filthy. Yours for the steal of a price $49.99

The MJ Dildo: Finished talking to Michael on Twitter, Facebook, or Myspace? Why does it have to end there? Now with this exclusive sex toy it doesn't have to. Plug it into the USB port of your computer and whenever that fake MJ on Twitter, Facebook, or Myspace types "hee hee" you'll feel the pulsations of joy rush through your body. This gift is 100% fun and then some. Styled in the colors vitiligo to guarantee that 'authentic' experience. Just $29.99


Cuss Count: Semi-High

Legal Notice: None of these products really exist and have nothing to do with the companies they may look like they represent. This post is satire; but if you didn't realize that just make your checks payable to MJHDC and send them to the first address you think of.


Calculating The Hoax

In a recent article, in Popular Science, world famous scientist, and all-round brainy person, Stephen Hawking revealed the exact mathematical formula for the Michael Jackson hoax.

Speaking from his Oxfordshire home Stephen Hawking explained the entire formula; and process:

"It was really quite simple once I started on the actual figures. I had been looking at the various TS/TIAI posts concerning numerology already. But when the $999 challenge was issued, by TS, I looked into it a bit more."

Controversy surrounding the TS/Souza link has not deterred Stephen Hawking:

"While looking at the TS/TIAI posts I noticed a really major flaw. No matter what the figures can be calculated in a certain way to equal almost anything. In conclusion the whole thing is crap. As with anything it should be broken down in stages and not just reduced to single digit calculations straight away."

The calculation of the date of the start of the hoax is the first thing Stephen Hawking has an issue with:

"Basically you have three figures to start with and in traditional date calculation these would all be added together. 06 + 25 + 2009; which gives 2040. But TS makes the mistake of thinking 2040 is significant; it isn't it is just a number. It is only part of the calculation; it has no meaning on it's own. You need to go to the next level 20 + 40 = 60 and then the final calculation is merely 6 + 0 = 6."

Stephen Hawking continued:

"So although it may appear that 2040 is important because it appears on a spaceship in the HIStory tour it is to all intent and purpose just a number and any connection is merely coincidence."

With regards to debunking the whole TS theory and claiming the $999 reward; Stephen Hawking said:

"There is no need to debunk the theory and calculations. They do not stand up to any form of mathematical integrity. If the theory had any basis at all then all the calculations would be uniform. You cannot use 2 + 5 = 25 in one calculation and then in another calculation use 2 + 5 = 7 just to match the theory. The same goes for using the year in some calculations and omitting it in others; all dates must be calculated exactly the same for any theory to have a solid basis of plausibility."

Stephen Hawking applied his theory to some of the dates connected with the Michael Jackson hoax to prove that in actuality they mean nothing.

The Hoax Death
06 + 25 + 2009 = 2040 = 20 + 40 = 60 = 6 + 0 = 6

The Memorial
07 + 07 + 2009 = 2023 = 20 + 23 = 43 = 4 + 3 = 7

The Burial
09 + 03 + 2009 = 2021 = 20 + 21 = 41 = 4 + 1 = 5

Michael's Birth Date
08 + 29 + 1958 = 1995 = 19 + 95 = 114 = 11 + 4 = 15 (1 + 5 = 6)

Conrad Murray Preliminary Hearing Date
08 + 23 + 2009 = 2040 = 20 + 40 = 60 = 6 + 0 = 6

"Using any number of calculations will always result in a single digit. As with all theories and calculations there is always a flaw. Using the calculation will always bring you to a single digit. Every date calculation, as long as the number of calculations is ignored, will result in a number ranging from 1 to 9. Using this calculation it is impossible to ever reach absolute zero. So even though I am Stephen Hawking even my calculation is flawed."

M.I.T student, Tekken Yoshimitsu, confirmed the findings in a recent paper entitled 'TS And The Smell Of Cow Manure' where he confirmed that any equation which is unable to use the full spectrum of numerical digits must be, by the laws of mathematical science, flawed to an unknown extent which would be represented by the constant of X.

In his paper he stated:

"All dates will give you a number between 1 and 9. Whether it is 01-01-01 or 06-06-06 it is impossible to reach zero. And with all single digits the number, by coincidence, can be said to represent a certain aspect of any event. For example, the World Trade Center disaster happened on 09 11 2001 which using the equation, 09 + 11 + 2001 = 2021 = 20 + 21 = 41 = 4 + 1 = 5, gives the single digit of 5. This could, in theory, be said to represent the five sides of the Pentagon building which was also attacked."

Although TS was unavailable for comment Souza did email this statement:

"Stephen Hawking is in a wheelchair. I stand 100% that I made. I mean that TS made. I know certain people, Mo, don't agree with it but that is tough. A forum needs only one administrator, and person, as a figurehead not two. If she doesn't agree with me, I mean TS, then she will fall like the rest who stand in my way. I require absolute obedience. As for this Tekken Yoshimitsu; he comes from a country that openly admits to eating dogs. You want to take his word over mine; I mean TS?"

So whether Souza is TS or not; whether the whole Souza/Mo dispute is nothing more than a scripted play it would seem that the scientific community are totally against the whole TS/TIAI theory. Sometimes it is better to look at things from a neutral perspective.


Cuss Count: None

Legal Notice: None of the persons named really made statements. This post although satire does highlight the numerology flaws. And by the way 12 + 12 + 2010 = 2034 = 20 + 34 = 54 = 5 + 4 = 9 which means absolutely nothing at all although in numerology circles 9 is the most humanitarian of them all; which could be a clue but most likely is not.


Interview With MJHDC

As a credit to dementia I decided to interview myself. Fuck knows what Freud would think. However, it does answer a lot questions I have been asked time and time again.

So before I get locked in some mental institute, drugged up and drooling on myself, here is the full unedited interview (or ramblings) with me by me. And to any directors of mental institutes reading this - I want an XL strait jacket so it hangs right.

MJHDC: So your twisted mind created the MJHDC persona; why was that?
Me: Mainly because there was so much bullshit surrounding the forums covering the Michael Jackson hoax death.
MJHDC: I take it you mean Amy Sampson who started MJHD.COM?
Me: Amy was just the start of it all. But unfortunately as with anything you let one dumb fuck do what they want, unopposed, a million more fuckers will follow.
MJHDC: So your initial purpose was to attack Amy Sampson?
Me: No. Everyone thought that for some reason. My initial purpose was to answer all the questions that Amy, as admin of MJHD.COM, refused to answer.
MJHDC: But it didn't stop there. It was like a constant attack on her.
Me: Oh poor Amy and all that happy horse shit. It didn't stop because as I looked into the forum more and more bullshit appeared. The diaper wearing bitch was creating false members, commenting under other account names, and unwilling to admit what her real purpose was. So although it may seem like a constant attack it was just as information came up I posted it; and added the humor for the hell of it.
MJHDC: The diaper wearing - was that really necessary?
Me: Yeah it was. Amy was trying to paint this picture that butter wouldn't melt in her mouth; yet away from the forum she was a completely different person. I just felt that people had a right to know. There was people supporting Amy on the forum that really knew nothing about her. I just thought 'fuck this, if you want to support this fucker you might as well know what you are really supporting'.
MJHDC: So through your blog you feel you are some crusader of justice?
Me: Fuck no. It is just an opinion. It is my take on things. If I think something is wrong I just say it. I don't need anyone to agree with it; its not about popularity. If I was worried about being popular and all that shit I'd be posting about Saint Michael and handing out sunflowers.
MJHDC: But isn't your opinion sometimes crude, vulgar, and down right offensive?
Me: Sometimes. Sure. But the world is sometimes crude, vulgar, and offensive. People are dying needlessly, drug addiction is constantly rising, and the between the rich and the poor is forever widening. Then you have all these little fucking wars. That is reality - reality is not all rainbows, flowers, and candy floss.
MJHDC: So what happened to the bulldog?
Me: The flea ridden mutt got put down. Well, some wish it had. The blog changed. It started off as this blog about semi-serious issues but as some of the hoaxers started taking themselves too seriously I figuratively stepped back and laughed. Hence the Joker. Too many people involved in investigating the hoax are taking things too seriously; like they are the main reason the hoax exists and it is bullshit. If the hoax exists is is because of Michael Jackson and nobody else.
MJHDC: You said "if the hoax exists", does that mean you think it doesn't?
Me: I don't know. I wouldn't want to put my life on the line and say 100% that Michael Jackson is alive. But then again there are some fucked up things that have happened since June 25, 2009 that suggest Michael Jackson did fake his death. I am like so many others - some days it all makes sense but then other days I feel if he faked his death why is allowing some of the shit that goes on? I mean if you were Michael Jackson would you really allow the Californian raisin, Jermaine, to murder your songs in a so-called tribute?
MJHDC: You have been pretty vocal on your criticism of the Jackson family. Some have suggested it is very disrespectful.
Me: That goes back to me not giving a shit if people agree or not. It is just how I see it.You have all these fuckers saying Boycott Sony and Oprah because they are just making money off Michael's name. But the family is no different. Where were these cunts when Michael needed them? Absolutely nowhere to be seen. Now he is either hiding, or dead, and these fucking leeches crawl out of the woodwork bleating about Michael for their own personal fame and fortune. So it is alright to use and abuse Michael's name, and legacy, as long as you are a Jackson? Bullshit, the fuckers are no better than Shmuley, Faye, Bashir, and all the other cunts that are using Michael's name as a stepping stone to further themselves.
MJHDC: So you are saying there is no difference between Katherine Jackson and Rabbi Shmuley?
Me: None whatsoever. They both wrote books to cash in on Michael's name; and in both cases it is something they should have kept to themselves.
MJHDC: Some would suggest the same of your opinion; and you should keep it to yourself.
Me: It is an opinion. I don't force anyone to read it. I don't go round pointing a gun at peoples heads or anything. They don't want to read it that is fine with me. They don't like what I say they can fuck off to somewhere warm, fluffy, and cozy. They can go to MJHD.NET and have a bunch of flowers shoved up their ass for all I care. I write whatever I'm thinking with regards to the hoax and that is all.
MJHDC: Some claim your blog shows signs of racism and homophobia and that basically you are not a nice person. Why do you say some of the things you say?
Me: Once again it is merely my opinion. The calls about racism started when I began calling Souza and Mo Nazis. People took that the wrong way. It wasn't that the Dutch lesbians were white supremacists it was the way they were acting like fucking dictators. I could have quite easily called Souza Pol Pot; it is just Hitler, and the Nazis, are more universally known. As for me being homophobic - if people want to think it is alright for a guy to blow another guy or a woman to eat another woman's fish taco that is their opinion not mine. I just think it is disgusting.
MJHDC: So the treatment of Badkolo is because he is gay?
Me: Not entirely. The fact the faggot is going to burn in hell just adds fuel to the fire so to speak. He gets attacked for being part of the Nazi forum. Putting forum members down if their opinion is in disagreement with his or the Dutch lesbians. He comes in like forum security or some shit. It is like sending fucking Big Bird in to break up a riot. You just have to laugh at the stupidity of the whole situation.
MJHDC: I think some of the calls of racism are because of the Bin Laden post.
Me: So it is racist to poke fun at Bin Laden? He may be a Muslim but I didn't pick him because of that; I picked him because of his infamy and allegedly being the most wanted man in the world. He could of been a Christian, Buddhist, or some fucking cult leader for all I cared. The fact he is a Muslim doesn't mean shit. Some Muslims are fucktards but in the same breath every religion has a few fucktards. As an atheist it really makes no difference to me if he is praying to Allah, God, Buddha, or fucking Jim Jones.
MJHDC: As an atheist what is your opinion on the biblical connections to the hoax?
Me: Bullshit. Even if I wasn't an atheist I'd still think it smelled fishier than a whore's cunt. Seriously, I don't think the hoax is as complicated as it is being made out. All this fucking crap about Bible passages and numerology. Did Michael start planning this hoax ten years ago? If all biblical, numerical, and symbolism shit was anything more than pure coincidence it would have took ages to figure and plan it all. In my opinion Michael wanted out for a reason and got the fuck out of Dodge. Simple as that.
MJHDC: So you don't go along with the TS/TIAI posts then?
Me: You have to be fucking kidding me. Anyone can make anything fit a particular theory if they put time into it. But seriously none of it makes sense. There is no pattern to the calculations. On some dates you ignore the year, and then when it comes to calculating dates you add certain numbers and subtract others. For it to be a plausible idea it needs consistency; and that is just not there. June 25, 2009. Ignore the zeros and you have 6 25 29 which if you add the 2 and 5 you get 7. Then 9 subtract the 2 gives you another 7. So you have two 7's. So the June is off. So should Michael have waited until July to fake his death?
MJHDC: Some have said you give the hoax a bad name. Do you?
Me: Yes and no. If you read the blog then all the profanity would suggest I give the hoax a bad name. But at the same time if you read the blog, the actual meat of it, it is just an opinion. I don't try and speak for the hoax I just give my own opinon on things.
MJHDC: Why do you end each post with "Peace." when a lot of what you write is anger and hatred?
Me: Because I can. The anger and hatred is aimed at specific people and things; not everyone. We all hate something. Hell, Michael hated himself hated Mottola. The peace at the end of each post is merely there to mark the end of the post. I could have put 'Over and out.' but it is a blog not a fucking CB radio.
MJHDC: Where do you see the hoax going?
Me: Downhill very fast. I have been involved with the whole hoax investigation since early July 2009 and have watched it slowly deteriorate. Back in the beginning people wanted proof for every suggestion made. Now they will blindly follow any idea without questioning it. That is not to say there are no good 'hoax investigators' left it is merely that the investigating is slowly being drowned in a sea of bullshit. In the beginning if someone suggested there was a video of Michael Jackson alive everyone would have asked where is the video, who gave the video, and can the person prove it. Now, though, a claim like that is made and all the sheeple just agree with it without even questioning it. And when it is proven to be complete bullshit most don't bother to question the person and their intentions for such a lie. Add in all the dumbasses that think they talk to Michael Jackson on Twitter and Facebook and you have what appears to be a very bad joke instead of a hoax. If Michael Jackson faked his death, for whatever reason, he isnt going to risk being found by talking to some random fan on Twitter or Facebook. But if you believe he is I have some nails used in the alleged crucifixion of Jesus for sale.
MJHDC: Finally, will the bulldog ever return?
Me: Maybe. Who knows. I still have information pouring in. I don't gather all the information. People, who wish to remain anonymous, supply a lot of information too. Some wish to remain anonymous because they are members of certain forums, some just wish to pass on information without being named. You'd be surprised at how much backstabbing goes on - I even have people who are online friends with Souza and Mo giving information when they think something is wrong. So there is plenty of bite left in the dog just right now it is more fun to do a humorous look at the whole hoax and the people involved in it.


Cuss Count: Extreme

Legal Notice: I have never been officially certified insane; although this may indeed be evidence for such a case. This post is merely opinion. I could mention satire but then people would miss the reality that the hoax is being fucked over by bullshit artists and egomaniacs that think Michael's message is them ... Fucking tards.


Randy Jackson Exclusive

After his somewhat embarrassing 'Question Time' on Twitter, Wednesday night, I sat down with Randy Jackson to try and get the answers that were not forthcoming during his 'Question Time'.

Below is the full, unedited, transcript of the conversation that took place.

MJHDC: Hi Randy; thanks for taking the time to answer some questions.
Randy: [Silence]
MJHDC: OK Then. This kind of only works if you actually say something.
Randy: [Silence]
MJHDC: I see this is going to be tougher than trying to run your fingers through Jermaine's hair. So let me go back to when Hold My Hand was released at midnight. Some of the fans felt you should have tweeted the #HoldMyHand which later went on to become the number one trending topic worldwide instead of just advertising your 'Question Time'. What do you say to that criticism?
Randy: I don't agree with the single or the album.
MJHDC: Care to elaborate on that?
Randy: No.
MJHDC: So you don't agree with the album. In your tweets you mentioned that voice analysts were paid by Sony so their analysis was biased. Didn't the Jackson family have a second analysis done which also confirmed it was Michael singing on Breaking News?
Randy: They were paid too
MJHDC: Yes; but by the Jackson family.
Randy: No. You don't get it. They were paid off by Sony to say it was Michael.
MJHDC: Why would they do that?
Randy: To make money from Michael.
MJHDC: But that is a good thing. I mean it is good for your Mom and Michael's kids. They will obviously get a cut of the profits.
Randy: It doesn't work like that. We are Jacksons, we are family, it is OK for us to profit from Michael's legacy, and name; but nobody else.
MJHDC: Which leads to my next point. Some have suggested that the Jackson family are nothing more than leeches sucking the blood dry from Michael's legacy. How would you answer that?
Randy: It is not true. Jermaine maybe. Well OK definitely. But not Janet and Rebbie.
MJHDC: You didn't mention yourself, Marlon, Tito, or Jackie. Any reason why?
Randy: That is none of your goddamn business is why.
MJHDC: So, you refuse to confirm that the 'leeches' are sucking everything they can so they don't have to work?
Randy: You are damn right I do.
MJHDC: Any comments on Jackie's new single?
Randy: It is not him.
MJHDC: What?
Randy: It is part of the Sony conspiracy. They want people to think it is Jackie so that it makes people believe it is Michael on his album.
MJHDC: Two completely different things Randy. How exactly does that work?
Randy: Four words for you. Sony New World Order. Rearrange the initials of them words and you get SNOW. It is the white man scheme to keep the black folks down.
MJHDC: That really doesn't make too much sense either Randy. Talking of things that don't make make sense you mentioned in your tweets about 'armed guards'. Care to elaborate on that?
Randy: Something was going on in that studio they didn't want people to know about. So they had armed guards there to keep everyone out.
MJHDC: Could it be Michael was there?
Randy: No. I think it was aliens.
MJHDC: Aliens?
Randy: Yeah, the album wasn't finished so they got aliens in to finish it. There was a clue in the We Are The World video - the little green men. That was a sign.
MJHDC: Can we keep with reality here?
Randy: That is real.
MJHDC: OK. If you say so. Moving on. You mentioned your dislike for Oprah Winfrey in your 'Question Time' tweets.
Randy: That woman is pure evil. Making money off Michael's name. It just isn't right.
MJHDC: Some would say the Jackson family has done the same thing. You all jumped on Twitter. Your Mom wrote a book; and your Dad has launched so many lawsuits to try and get his hands on Michael's money. How would you answer those critics?
Randy: It is none of their goddamn business. They should focus on Oprah. Michael doesn't even like her.
MJHDC: He did keep kind of separate from the family too. Could that action alone suggest he didn't like certain people in his family?
Randy: Just focus on Oprah. She is part of it. She never liked Michael and did her best to portray him in a bad light at every chance.
MJHDC: So why did your Mom agree to the interview with Oprah?
Randy: Crack.
MJHDC: Pardon? You suggesting your Mom, Katherine Jackson, is on crack?
Randy: Hell no. But my father is. They did the interview for crack. Mom had to agree to it or Dad would have just beat her upside the head.
MJHDC: Let me back track here a little. You are saying since June 25, 2009 it has been armed guards, aliens, drugs, Oprah, and Sony doing everything?
Randy: Yes. It has to be. No other explanation fits.
MJHDC: Umm. OK. So why does Jackie not see all this; and has openly approved of the new album from Michael?
Randy: Because he is part of it. It is a conspiracy. Michael is taken out of the picture and then Sony push Jackie to the front.
MJHDC: Are you suggesting Sony killed Michael so Jackie could have a career?
Randy: No. You are not listening. Watch the news. AEG killed Michael. But they did it because they owed Sony some money, a favor, or something.
MJHDC: So you are saying Michael is dead?
Randy: No. AEG couldn't go through with it so they helped Michael fake his death and disappear.
MJHDC: So you are saying Michael is alive?
Randy: No. I am not saying that either.
MJHDC: So you are not saying Michael is alive or dead. But, you mentioned in your tweets that Michael liked to play jokes. Was that a clue to suggest he did indeed fake his death?
Randy: No.
MJHDC: So where is Michael?
Randy: With the aliens. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell others but nobody would listen. I tried to tell Larry King but all he could say was that he loved me in Different Strokes.
MJHDC: Have you considered treatment?
Randy: No. Oprah and Sony would have the perfect opportunity to kill me - to silence me if I went anywhere for treatment.
MJHDC: Oprah wants you dead?
Randy: Yes, that is why Janet is pissed at her. Janet is protecting me from the evil that is Oprah.
MJHDC: It sounds like you need help Randy.
Randy: I do. Janet cannot protect me on her own.
MJHDC: I actually meant psychiatric help.
Randy: Everything I have told you is true. You have to believe me.
MJHDC: I'd like to Randy. But other than the fact it makes no sense whatsoever you don't seem to be offering any proof of the statements you are making.
Randy: As Mulder always used to say - The proof is out there.
MJHDC: That was truth not proof.
Randy: Truth, proof, it is all the same.
MJHDC: No, not really.
Randy: OK. One more question then I have to get home, take my meds, and listen to the Alex Jones radio show.
MJHDC: What does the future hold for Randy Jackson?
Randy: There is no future. 2012 is coming. The end. Sony takes over the world and put Queen Oprah as world leader.
MJHDC: [Laughing] OK. We are done.
Randy: No, listen it is bigger than Michael, bigger than this earth. Sony, Oprah, lizard people, and aliens.
MJHDC: Randy, I just dialed 911. You have about three minutes before the police arrive.
Randy: Shit, you shouldn't have done that. They are in on it too. Run for your life. Run before it is too late.

At that point Randy ran out of the building. No charges were filed although the police say they are aware of Randy Jackson and have been keeping an eye on him.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: Randy Jackson never did answer the questions put to him - no surprise there. This post is satire and as such should not be taken seriously by anybody. There is no proof that Sony or Oprah are evil and intending to take over the entire world.


Nazi Cash Scheme

Just when you think the Nazi lesbians cannot get any worse they do; and they still have the little faggot clown lurking in the background ready to pop out when some fucking crackhead scheme comes up.

Now I'm not going to throw a link up. If you don't know where the Nazi HQ is by now just follow the stench of bullshit flowing from the place.

I have 3 pages of screenshots just in case Souzadolf takes the post down, like she did the last request for people to donate money.

Before we get started I am not against charity, or charities, but only when you can trust the people behind it to a certain extent. Sorry, but I would trust these 3 fuckers to organize an orgy in Las Vegas. Seriously, these three Alex Jones wannabes don't trust the banking system because it is controlled by the all-powerful, all-killing, all-mind-controlling, Illuminati but they want to start an escrow charity account. Kind of like asking Jeffery Dahmer to manage the local YMCA.

Let us start at the beginning of all this craziness. Souza creates a post entitled "I Registered A Domain And Would Like To Know Your Thoughts" Starts harmless enough, but as always with these Nazi fuckups there is a catch.

Souza in her first post states:

"I realized that I posted 2 domain names that were still available and that if the wrong person would read it, it would be gone. I therefore decided to register the domain www.michaelsarmyoflove.com. I am not sure if you guys agree with the domain name, but I think it's perfect and if you don't like it, I know other ways to use it."

Wrong person? Shut the fuck up. Drugs have riddled your fucking brain. Nobody in their right mind would want any association with the "Army Of Love" organized by two Dutch fuckups and an AIDS infested clown. The only people not in their right mind that might want it are the forum members that kiss your fucking ass just before you speak out of it.

But as usual things go from bad to worse. couple of posts down Souza opens her ass to say:

"That is why Badkolo pointed out the escrow foundation charity account."

Yeah, trust Badkolo, the fucker only turns up to bitch at members that don't agree with the Nazi regime running the fucked up forum. But let us take a trip to Wikipedia for some details on this great ESCROW account idea.

Wikipedia states, in the opening line: "Escrow services are intended to ensure security by acting as a middleman in transactions where the two parties do not trust each other."

Alarm bells should be going off in your heads right about now. "... where the two parties do not trust each other." Excuse me, but if you don't trust someone why would you give them your money? Seems like a fucking lose-lose situation. You don't trust someone so you set up an escrow account so you can give them money.

But Wikipedia goes on to state: "In the bogus escrow scam, a scammer sets itself up as the recipient of money or goods and then requests the use of an escrow service which is, in fact, self-operated. This bogus escrow service assures the victim that the scammer has sent its item and that the victim should send its item to the escrow service. In fact, this amounts to sending the item to the scammer, who then immediately closes down the escrow service and does not send its item to the victim. The scammer blames the escrow service, claiming that the item was with it at the time it closed down; if the victim did not investigate the escrow service before using it, the ruse may be believed."

So, basically someone you don't trust sets up an escrow account as a scam. Now seems the fucked up trio already took one topic down about donating if the alarm bells were not ringing before they should be loud and clear by now. But just before we leave the knowledge of Wikipedia let us look at the last line of the article: "The rise of Internet escrow has led to a dramatic increase in bogus Internet escrow companies." Anybody else hearing those alarm bells?

Then a few posts down Mo mentions that this escrow service is not free, but Souza cannot be bothered to deal with such details such as how much extra money is needed to get the $5,000 plus the escrow service fee; no she is too busy convincing people that it is a legitimate deal:

"Of course one of us could do it for free, I know I could and I know I am trustworthy, but you can't know that. An independent third party is the best option in this case."

To quote the Queen, form Shakespeare's Hamlet: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Some think this is a bit cynical. But normally when someone tries to continually say something there is a reason behind it - especially when money is concerned.

In jumps 2good2btrue. Sorry but that name in this thread is just pure irony. Anyway, 2good2btrue jumps in to say: "Love this idea.......it takes more than one voice to be heard." OK. Forget which forum you are on? Michael Jackson has brought so many people together as ONE VOICE. Suppose with all the Illuminati bullshit and fucked up theories has clouded that fact.

Finally sanity jumps into the ring under the guise of bec; who says: "I am also mildly instinctively offended at the notion that members here aren't already doing their part to be the man in the mirror and make that change ... Again, wonderful idea. But I have reservations that this won't blow up in someone's face. This death hoax community is turbulent, you know what I mean? Do we really have to "prove" that we are walking the walk to the internet community?"

Hallelujah. Sanity. A sensible point too. Why set up yet another service so that people can do what they are already doing?

Moving on to page 2 PJ4MJ starts the insanity off again. It had to happen, the tin foil hat was too fucking tight or something. PJ4MJ says: "It would be nice to see Michael's name connected with charity (as it should be) more than all the tabloid BS." Fuck off. You have to be kidding me. Did you forget which fucked up forum you logged into to post that? The same fucked up forum where the admin contacted The Sun thinking they would be useful to spread the word of the hoax. Too fucking funny. Might want to log into The National Enquirer next.

Play the trumpets, let some fireworks off, and rejoice. The faggot clown has taken his dick out of his boyfriend long enough to comment on the bullshit:

"I am a kind and giving person, some know this first hand, so im all into helping others, and I agree that this is a thoughtful idea and thats why i gave my input, if souza & mo want to help a charity then so be it but as long as you all know it cant be attached to this site in any way, I and they do not need any legal issues brought because of charitable donations."

So it cannot be attached to this site in any way? Hard to do seems it is already advertised and posted on the site in question. But, the bigger question is why can't a charity escrow be linked to the forum where the Army Of Love movement sort of originated? Something is smelling fishier than a Las Vegas hooker at 3am on a Sunday morning.

Now back to Souza: "We can do a lot of good with it and that is what's important, not what someone else thinks of us or any blogger on the internet that needs to get a life and do something with it instead of slandering someone else." Nicely done. Suggest that anyone suggesting this venture is anything less than legitimate is wrong before they even do it. Damage control. Scary thing is she thinks it will work. But she continues: "I don't need approval from anyone to do anything. TS is apparently happy with the subforums but I think that's not enough." If you don't need approval from the lying cunt TS why mention that they are happy with the sub-forums? Seems like a contradictory statement. But she does go on to make a point I agree with: "It's not a good idea if either me, Badkolo or Mo are affiliated with this site." Yeah, kind of like asking Gacy to be the clown at little Timmy's birthday party.

Then, sticking with good points, in comes Mo who states: "I'm sorry, but as far as I'm concerned too much emphasis is put on 'donating money'. I'd rather put the emphasis on actual acting - putting effort into doing something for another person, really helping people by putting your shoulder to the wheel. I think that will make a bigger change than donating a couple of bucks every week." Souza has got to be doing her fucking head in with this dissension among the ranks. I have to agree with Mo on this point though. Any fucker can put their hand in their pocket but those that really want to help actually get out there and do the actual work.

But Souza has to shit on the idea of Mo; with people actually putting their shoulder to the wheel by saying: "That is not something we can do together, simply because we live thousands of miles apart from each other." Yeah, why would people want to help those near to them? Fuck them. You can help someone thousands of miles away while your own community goes to shit. Make sense? No.

But Souza doesn't need to worry about the dissension too much as she has bigger plans to worry about: "So far there hasn't been anyone who raised his/her hand to volunteer for the management of it. If necessary I would do it myself." Nice turn around there Adolf. From not wanting to be involved to volunteering to run it. You think your forum members cannot read and remember? The usual bullshit from the Nazi admin.

trustno1 comes up with a great idea, which Souza will most likely ignore: "I think if some people are going to feel uneasy with it there has to be a deciding vote to gauge the amount of members for it and those against it." Exactly, the Army Of Love is made up of the forum members let them decide. Yet more sanity in a fucked up situation. And lo, and behold, Souza doesn't even consider a vote on her next post. No surprise there really.

But Souza disturbs the sanity once again by saying: "I don't think it's a good idea either Mo, Badkolo or I are affiliated with it in any way like I posted before." Obviously she forgot that she volunteered to manage in between.

So it would be amiss of me to just bitch and not offer a possible solution. So here it is. Its a lot easier, doesn't involve an escrow, or setting up anything. You can follow Mo and do work for your own community and actually get out there and do it. Or you can donate to any charity and on ALL charity donations that are web-based they have what is known as a 'memo' section where you could, if you so felt like it put "Army of Love". Just to prove the point I donated $100 to the Red Cross and in the memo put "On behalf of the Army Of Love". See it is that easy. No website required. No Escrow required. And now the Red Cross is loving the Army Of Love without the Army Of Love doing anything. Also donating directly through a charity website means it can be a write-off come tax time.

Everyone should do something for charity. Be it actually doing the footwork or donating cash. But you don't need some suspicious escrow account, which will be anonymous, to be set up to do it.


Cuss Count: Extremely High

Legal Notice: Not all escrows are scams but at the same time if something looks suspicious it usually is. There is no confirmation that Souza and Mo are lesbians. There is however pictorial evidence that Badkolo may be homosexual. This post is supplied as information and opinion. All quotes are 'as is' including punctuation and spelling mistakes.


The Encino Scrolls

In what archaeologists are calling the biggest discovery since the Turin shroud; at Encino, California some scrolls have been unearthed which could shed some light on the whole Michael Jackson hoax death.

The scrolls were discovered earlier this week, at the Jackson Encino compound, by a part-time cleaner; Consuela Sanchez. Although the scrolls have yet to be authenticated many historians are claiming that the scrolls are indeed legitimate.

"What people don't understand about these scrolls is the significance of Michael Jackson within the Jackson family. Although it is still unclear who wrote these scrolls one thing is really clear - they had a full insight to Michael's mind, thoughts, and opinions." said Elissa Fleak.

The scrolls have already been copyrighted by the Michael Jackson estate; although Joe Jackson, through his lawyer Brian Oxman, has already filed a lawsuit claiming some of the profits generated by the scrolls should rightfully be his.

Joe Jackson said: "Aint no fucking estate getting all the money from these scrolls. Hell, they were found in my fucking house. Branca can eat a motherfucking dick straight up if he thinks I'm going to lie down like some $2 bitch and take it up the ass. For all we know, whoever wrote these scrolls could have meant them for me. I am not going to be shafted once again."

No official statement has been released by the Michael Jackson estate regarding the scrolls or the lawsuit Joe Jackson has launched. But yesterday at a crowded restaurant John Branca was overheard saying: "Fuck Joe Jackson, I get 5% of all profits, he can kiss my lily white ass if he thinks he is getting a dime. And that Oxman cunt can shut the fuck up too; didn't he see how much the estate spends on legal fees?"

Katherine Jackson, who at present is remaining quiet about the scrolls, had this to say: "I am not talking about the scrolls. It is not like they make a wonderful Christmas present like my book."

An insider at the Encino compound, who refuses to be named, has seen the scrolls; and said: "The scrolls are real. Already around the Encino home speculation is rising on who wrote the scrolls. There is a division among the house with sides clearly being defined. I have not seen all the scrolls; but the ones I have seen appear to have some sort of religious meaning."

One of the snippets that the Michael Jackson estate released to the media is from what religious experts are calling the Gospel Of Latoya. It says in Chapter 6, Verses 8 & 9:

"For it would be easier for a Justin Bieber fanatic to enter the hallowed, and official, Michael Jackson fan club than to run fingers through the hair of Jermaine."

Another section was leaked earlier this week; although a certain amount of controversy has surrounded the authenticity. It said to be quoted from the Gospel Of Tito and has already been labeled by many as "The Hoaxer's Prayer".

The Hoaxer's Prayer

Dear Michael who isn't in Heaven
Copyrighted be they name
The MJ estate come
Injustices will be done
In the courts as well as the media
Give us Bamsday
Plus our daily clue
And forgive Jermaine's singing
As we forgive Jason Malachi
Lead us not down the yellow brick road
But deliver us from Sony
For your income supports
Your whole family
forever. Heehee.

Harvey Levin, of TMZ fame, said: "I told you it was all religious. You think it was all coincidence when we released news stories? But nobody would listen. TMZ did the exclusive of this Hoaxer's Prayer earlier this week. Read your Bible; Jeremiah 11:8. It is there - I will bring upon them the words of this covenant."

The Catholic church has already reacted to the discovery of the scrolls. The Pope said: "Oh come on it is pure plagiarism. We have the Bible and these scrolls turn up and we are meant to question God and Jesus? No, it is not right. What next, Pope Joe Jackson the First? The Catholic church denounces these scrolls as the work of the Devil; maybe Jermaine himself created them. Just because Jermaine uses no condoms, evident by his Child Support problems, does not make him a Catholic. We have sent a team of Bishops to investigate these scrolls further."

BREAKING NEWS: Just as this article was being published we learned that Oprah Winfrey has been arrested at the Jacksons Encino compound. Even though details are a little sketchy it is rumored she was stopped by security staff trying to place an 'Oprah Book Club' sticker on several of the scrolls. Reports from within the compound say she was unsuccessful.

Fragment of the Encino Scrolls depicting the "Hoaxer's Prayer"


Cuss Count: Pretty Low

Legal Notice: The Encino Scrolls is a work of fiction; it is merely satire. Nobody quoted really said anything. Oprah Winfrey was not arrested although she will put her 'Book Club' sticker on pretty much anything.


Christmas Is Coming

Tis the season to be jolly. And as usual the Jackson family are taking the opportunity to cash in on the holiday season. In association with QVC a selection of Jackson family inspired gifts will be making their way to many a hoaxers stocking this Christmas.

Buy them for yourself, family, and friends.

Jermaine Shoe Polish

Never worry about being caught in a tornado again. With Jermaine Shoe Polish your hair will withstand the onslaught of a force 5 tornado. This product has been thoroughly tested by Jermaine himself; and even made a brief appearance on TV in the UK Big Brother show. This 12oz tin can be yours for just $19.99.

Tito Clock

It's Tito time! And now thanks to the good people at ACME products it will always be Tito Time. Featuring Tito's trademark hat on the hands and the phrase "TITO TIME" on the face; you'll never miss another taco dinner again. This handmade clock can be yours for just $15.99.

Randy Candy

First there was Whoppers and then came Randys. The malted milk flavor you have come to love but each chocolate ball has been specially imprinted with Randy Jackson's face. Your friends will chuckle at first; but they are guaranteed to be the talking point of any party. Your guests will leave saying they have had Randy Jackson's balls in their mouth. This delightful candy treat can be yours for just $7.99.

Where's Michael?

The Big Book Of Where's Michael. Created, and authored, by Joe Jackson; and published by Harpo Publishing. This 77 page book will keep hoaxers and Michael Jackson fans alike enthralled for hours as they scour each page looking for Michael Jackson. Proceeds from the sale of this book will go to charity (Joe Jackson Legal Fund). This large book can be yours for the low low price of just $29.99.

Marlon Fence Panels

Show your opinion on any subject with the Marlon Jackson fence panels. These hand-crafted panels will show that you have no opinion on anything. If people ask if you are a believer or not you will be able to simply point at your luxurious fence. Each panel is 8' long by 6' high and produced in China. *SPECIAL OFFER* Buy 6 panels and get the 7th panel free. These panels can be yours for the great price of $58.99 each.

Joe Jackson Pimp Kit

You have seen him on TV. You have seen him in the magazines. Now you too can be Joe Jackson. This pimp kit has been designed with Joe Jackson's full support. Each kit includes: gold-plated chain, gold-plated and cubic zircon grill, a wooden cane with pewter handle, and a full 48oz pack of purple material dye. Once this kit is in your hand you will be able to leave the home in style; and be your local neighborhood pimp. This kit is for the man about town; and can be yours for just $79.99.

QVC spokesperson, Marvin Segel, said: "We have been working with the Jackson family on this line of gifts and expect to put a 2 hour show out later this month to highlight these quality products. These products are aimed at Michael Jackson fans and the hoaxers that are investigating the hoax theory that Michael Jackson is still alive; but they would make a wonderful gift for absolutely anyone."

Joe Jackson, who is heading this latest marketing campaign said to reporters: "Come on, we got to make money. Hell, Jermaine can't keep his pecker in his pants and Katherine is getting pretty tight about money. I think it is to do with her book not selling; we have 200,000 copies taking up my parking space in the garage at Encino. We have to be honest here, without my golden egg, Michael, this family hasn't got the talent to make a living so we need to bring money in somehow."

QVC has said although the schedule is not confirmed they expect the 2 hour special to air on November 25, 2010; with guaranteed Christmas delivery for all those that order while the show airs.


Cuss Count: Zero

Legal Notice: QVC and the Jackson family have nothing to do with these fictional products. Marvin Segel was a QVC spokesperson at some time according to Google but may have moved on by now. This post, as always, is satire. The cuss count was kept to zero because Nazis and fucktards were not mentioned in the post.


Katherine The Prankster

Katherine Jackson is slowly becoming the prankster of the Jackson family; as well as the matriarch.

In her latest prank she released Opus None to TMZ; which was later to be found was just another prank in a long line of pranks from Katherine.

An in-depth investigation reveals that Katherine's harmless pranks may just be getting out of hand; and the family has had enough.

Jermaine Jackson said: "Oh man, she can be pure evil sometimes. Last year I getting ready for a meeting to go and discuss financial backing for the Vienna tribute for Michael I was planning. I was running a little late and wasn't paying too much attention. I got ready in time but something didn't feel right - but I had no time to dwell on it. Well as I was driving my cell phone rang. I pulled over to the side as I answered it. It was my Mom; Katherine. She asked me how I was and I told her I was fine but in a rush. Then she just started laughing. I asked her what was funny but she just continued laughing. Well, I was looking in the rear view mirror, as I always do, and I went to run my fingers through my hair and it was like concrete - even harder than it usually is. I asked Mom why she was laughing and eventually she said she had swapped my hair gel for wood glue. She was still laughing when I hung up on her. Luckily, she didn't see the tears in my eyes or the pain in my heart."

Jermaine may not think it but he has got off lightly. Joe Jackson claims he is the target of many of Katherine's pranks:

"Damn that bitch. She's always fucking with my head. There are some days I don't know what to do. Last night is a perfect example. I'd brought this young woman home. Now don't be reading anything in to that - I'm promoting her. Well we went up to my bedroom, because I had left some papers up there, and this young woman says she is going to slip in to something a 'little more comfortable'. So, she goes in the room next door. Well, while she was gone I slipped in to my purple, silk, nightgown, took a little pill, and awaited her return. About 5 minutes later the door opens and she is standing there in Katherine's blue outfit, you know the one, well Viagra can only do so much. I saw that outfit and my 'little soldier' retreated. I could hear Katherine laughing her ass off in the room next door. I had to let the young woman go. See, Katherine doesn't realize the consequences of her pranks."

Katherine's pranks are not limited to just family members. Recently, Harvey Levin, of TMZ fame, recounted a story from a New Year's Eve party both he and Katherine attended. Harvey said: "It was back in 2004, and I was at this party in California. When it hit midnight everyone started the usual kissing of anybody that was about. I found myself in front of Katherine so I leaned forward to kiss her. I closed my eyes, and went for the kiss, and just as our lips met I felt Katherine's beard. I opened my eyes, in shock, but was even more in shock when I realized it was Arnie Klein I was kissing. Katherine was stood back a bit and laughing so hard she was holding on to Randy for support."

Asking Katherine about her pranks she just smiled and said "Jehovah forgives. It is all in good fun. I remember once Michael came over and he was trying to talk to me all serious so I suggested we go sit in the living room; where it is more comfortable. I sat on the couch and was seated so Michael had to sit on a particular chair. When he sat down the whoopee cushion made this awful farting sound. Michael jumped in such surprise that the chair tipped back and he fell on the floor. He was so angry for a few seconds, then he smiled, then he started laughing."

She continued "I think my best prank to date has been at the Kingdom Hall. One Saturday night I went in the Kingdom Hall and put up a few crucifixes. The next day you should have seen the Witnesses faces. I don't know how I managed to keep a straight face."

Although most of Katherine's pranks are harmless it would appear that there are legal implications to some of her pranks. Brian Oxman, attorney and friend of Joe Jackson, said "It amazes me how the media doesn't get a hold of some of these stories. But the legal implications of some of her pranks are crazy. Like when she drained Jermaine's brakes on his car. If he'd of died in a bad crash she would have had a murder charge against her. Luckily Jermaine only hit one of Oprah's production vehicles. So nothing was done. But one day I swear we will see Katherine in court on charges."

Not everyone is excited about Katherine's pranks. Some of the staff have complained. One of the bodyguards, who wished not to be named, stated: "One day I was walking through the house and I heard Katherine scream. I drew my gun and ran to where the scream came from. Katherine was sitting there with a stopwatch, laughing, and said it took me 23.21 seconds to get there she could of been dead by now. Well as I left the room, she shot me in the ass with a BB gun. It left a nasty bruise. I complained to my supervisor, but he just laughed. Somebody has to stop this sick woman."

Although Michael's kids refused to officially comment. When Katherine's pranks was mentioned to Blanket he just curled up in the fetal position and started whimpering.

So with Katherine being the prankster of the Jacksons what will her next joke be? Could we see This Is It 2 coming from Katherine as she laughs? Who knows. But all that is known is that as long as Katherine keeps pulling pranks it'll be exciting.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: This post is satire. Not all of the accounts, memories, or quotes may be truthful. Other than MJHDC nobody had anything to do with this post. If linking to this post remember it was created as satire; and as such may not be 100% truthful.


Question Time

Well Tomorrow, or today depending which time zone you are in, I will be questioned by all the Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace users. Actually if you are reading this post after November 3, 2010 you already missed it so not much point in reading the next paragraph.

The question time will be held at 10.00PM EST and will last as long as is needed. Any question can be asked just don't fucking whine like a 2-bit cunt if you don't like the answer. The question time will be held in http://TinyChat.com/MJConspiracy which will mean everyone has to sign in with either a Twitter, Facebook, or Myspace account.


Cuss Count: Minimum

Legal Notice: None required - it is just a blatant notice (or advertisement) for an event.


Thriller 2010

Back in 1982 Michael Jackson made Thriller, the title of the biggest selling album in the world, but would it have been such a success if it was made today - with things being a whole lot different?

Let us start with the movie they are watching at the cinema. In the movie Michael uses the cheesiest of all cheesy lines and says: "Honestly, we're out of gas." May have worked in a B-movie in 1982 but never going to work in a movie not even a B-movie in 2010. Then, also in the movie, Michael gives his date a ring in the park. Definitely never going to happen in 2010. He pulls out a ring, and some crack whore robs it to sell for a quick fix. Then finally in the movie Michael Jackson says "I'm not like other guys." No fucking shit Sherlock. Your best friend is a chimp for starters, and in a few years you will be setting up a theme park in your backyard. And the date is going to have two possible responses:
  • Response #1: "Yeah I know. I've read the newspapers. I'm not the fucking Al-Qaeda. I haven't been living in a cave."
  • Response #2: "Don't fucking try anything funny. I'm carrying Mace."
And when Michael turns into a werewolf, in the movie, his date isn't going to scream. Things have changed. She'll be standing there saying: "Ooh this reminds me of Twilight. Do you know any vampires? Are you Native American? Do you have a wolf pack? Do you get a monthly federal check? Ooh there is so many questions I want to ask."

Leaving the movie we have the first thing that would never survive in 2010 - Michael sitting eating popcorn. Yeah back in 1982 popcorn may have only been $1 at the cinema but that was then. 2010 that bucket of popcorn is going to set you back $6 at least. Chances are he'd do what everyone else does and smuggle some food he got from Wal*Mart into the cinema.

And while we are in "saving money mode" would he even be at the cinema? Highly unlikely. It is 2010 - illegal movie downloads are at an all-time high. No point paying to see it when you can download it for free. Watch it. And then sell copies to friends and family.

And even if he'd splashed the cash out to actually see the movie at the cinema - he wouldn't be watching the movie too much. He'd be doing what everyone does; tweeting. "Watching a movie at the cinema. $11 to get in. WTF is up with that?" And thanks to that tweet, someone would know he is not at home, and would be robbing his house blind. Welcome to 2010.

Leaving the cinema his date wouldn't be quiet. She would be complaining that the movie wasn't in 3D, the sound wasn't THX, the storyline sucked, and Michael spent too much of the movie tweeting and texting. Also as it is close to midnight they wouldn't be the only two people on the street at night. There would be a prostitute arguing with her pimp, a crack addict in the cinema doorway, and a homeless person pushing a cart and collecting cans.

Then Vincent Price starts rambling. Sorry, not going to happen in 2010. His voice would be too reminiscent of the old guy from Family Guy - Herbert. It'd be more like Anthony Hopkins in the character of Hannibal Lecter from Silence Of The Lambs.

And finally, when the zombies start appearing his date wouldn't just run. She's seen movies and played games. She'd pull a revolver out of the back of her jeans. Kill five zombies. Then using the last bullet she would take out the window of the hardware store; grab the chainsaw and go on a zombie killing spree racking up points and bonuses along the way.


Cuss Count: Minimum

Legal Notice: None. Don't need one in any sense for a change.


Watch Out For The Fucktards

You ever watched Twitter? Not like it is a series or anything, just looked at the occasional person and thought "What the fuck do they do?"

I was looking at a few yesterday, and there are some seriously sad cunts about. I'm thinking that if Twitter had a asylum along with their jail a lot of hoaxers would be in there for sure.

I'm not questioning the intellect levels of the hoaxers - although to be completely honest some of these fuckers need their intellect questioned. Actually, to be brutally honest I'm surprised some of these dumb fuckers even managed to get a computer on; and log in to Twitter. What I'm questioning is their obsessiveness on the hoax; and all things Michael Jackson.

We have all seen the Twitter accounts I am on about. From the second they wake up to the moment their fucking medication kicks in at night they tweet nothing but Michael Jackson. It just cannot be healthy.

Personally, alive or dead, depending where you are on the hoax it doesn't matter - get a fucking life. The fucktards sitting tweeting nothing but Michael Jackson need psychiatric help more than some dumb fucking cunt calling themselves Leahcim Noskcaj.

Don't they ever do anything else? I mean every tweet is about Michael Jackson. The news, the articles, the pictures, and the music they are listening to is Michael Jackson. That is just not healthy. It gets close to these little fucking teenagers that class themselves as 'beliebers'. You stare at the screen, and start thinking that you would like to do Columbine on a global scale - throw the trench coat on, grab a couple of M16s, a decent amount of ammunition - then go start unloading clip after clip until the average I.Q. for the human race slowly rises. Call it 'Intellect Cleansing'.

There is more to life than just one musician. No doubt Michael Jackson had a massive influence on music but so did Jim Morrison, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Elvis, Madonna, Bach, and Beethoven.

Reading some of the hoaxers time-lines on Twitter they have tweeted nothing but Michael Jackson. Fuck, even his own brothers and sisters are tweeting about other shit. I mean, come on, people bitch like whiny little cunts that the media hounded Michael Jackson; but at least the media reports on more than just Michael Jackson. Fuck, even TMZ, the supposed news site for the hoax, reports on other things.

Does their Twitter time-lines indicate their actual life? It would be a fucking shit household to live in if that was their life:

0630 Wake Up.
0632 Check TMZ for Michael Jackson related articles.
0635 Make coffee.
0700 Get the kids ready for school.
0730 Get the kids on the bus.
0732 Login to Twitter, Facebook, Myspace.
0733 Reply to all Michael Jackson related posts.
0750 Watch 9 Michael Jackson related Youtube videos.
0920 Watch This Is It DVD and check for clues.
1100 Start housework.
1104 Check Twitter, Facebook, Myspace.
1201 Get a sandwich.
1210 Re-read the Autopsy Report in case something was missed.
1300 Check the forums out for new sightings, clues, and Illuminati stuff.
1422 Check Twitter, Facebook, Myspace.
1430 Watch new Michael Jackson related video on Youtube.
1440 Watch an old movie mentioned on MJHD.NET which contains a connection.
1520 Kids arrive home.
1620 Reply to post on MJHD.NET.
1625 Fall asleep.
1700 Make kids some dinner. Mac & Cheese.
1720 Write a post on MJHD.NET about a dream I had featuring Michael Jackson.
1755 Check Twitter,Myspace, Facebook.
1757 Twitter is down.
1802 Twitter is back up.
1805 Join a Tinychat room and discuss Michael Jackson.
2035 Read the divorce papers again.
2044 Sign the divorce papers.
2046 Check Twitter, Myspace, Facebook.
2100 Put kids to bed.
2104 Sign back into Tinychat.
2330 Go to bed.

And then you have the fucked up fanatics that not only tweet, live and breathe Michael Jackson, you have the dumb fuckers that add following every fucking fake Michael Jackson, informer, supposed informer, and someone who knew the daughter of the bingo caller whose sister was married to this biker dude that knew this woman who dated a guy whose sister was at college with someone who was a cleaner for Michael Jackson from 1992 to 1994 to their insanity.

It is bad enough that they live and breathe one person but then they have to add the stupidity of giving every dumb European fucktard who thinks they are Michael Jackson their 15 minutes of fame. Well, the electric chair takes 35 minutes to complete (the bit where witnesses watch any way) so let us just put every fucking fake on the electric chair and give them 35 minutes of fame.

Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with being involved in the hoax but there is other things that happen in life, and the world, that just don't have no connection to Michael Jackson. But looking at some of the time-lines on Twitter it is like these fuckers are mentally one little step away from being locked up in some asylum.


Cuss Count: Very High

Legal Notice: This post is an opinion and is covered by the US Constitution and the 1st Amendment which entitles all those in the US to the freedom of speech. This means if you don't like it don't get your fucking panties in a twist - it is just one opinion. You wanted to read something that is friendly and fluffy go fuck off to TLC.COM or something. Once again no "satire notice" required.


Unfollow This

I got unfollowed on Twitter again. No big deal - shit happens. But this person did at least DM (Direct Message) me and tell me why they unfollowed me on Twitter:

"I unfollowed you. Not because of you as a person but because you swear and cuss too much."

Fair enough. I have never held a gun to the head of anyone and said "You must follow me or I will kill you." Everyone that follows me on Twitter has followed me of their own free will. And everyone who has unfollowed me has also done so on their own free will.

But I got to thinking, and went back in my tweet archives (using http://backupmytweets.com/ because Twitter itself only lets you see your last 3,200 tweets) and lo and behold I found a tweet from the very same person when they first started following me. That one read:

"Love your blog thanks for allowing me to follow you."

As can be seen from the tweet there are two things which are apparent. Firstly, it was back in the day when my Twitter account was protected and people had to request to follow. Secondly, they followed me on Twitter because they had been reading my blog.

You have to bear in mind that the tweet when they started following me was back in December 2009. So I went back to my blog and thought maybe I went through a period of never cussing, or swearing, and that is when they started following me. No it didn't happen; actually back in December 2009 I was swearing like a trooper. Every other word was "fuck", "fucktard", or "cunt". And to be honest, most of my later posts on the blog have had a hell of a lot less cussing and swearing in them. At a quick guess I would estimate that me swearing and cussing has actually gone down by about 80%.

So this left me with the one question on my mind - Why did they unfollow me? It obviously wasn't the cussing as that has actually gone down from when they first started following me. Personally I don't care why they stopped following me on Twitter; but what I do wonder is why they lied.

Now this got me to thinking. It is a rare thing; but sometimes I do actually think before I write these posts. Why lie? Seriously, if you unfollow someone you don't have to tell them. But why would someone go to the lengths of sending a Direct Message which is a lie just before unfollowing you? Has the hoax on Twitter hit such low levels that now people need to lie before they unfollow you?

There is a guide for a successful unfollow. It is this:

1. Decide which person you no longer want to follow.
2. Unfollow them.

That is it. No long winded process. You were following them on Twitter; it wasn't some relationship. No need for an explanation.

And if you are the unfollowee (the person who was unfollowed) don't worry about it. No need to air your dirty laundry across the Twitter time-line with your pleas of "Why did you unfollow me?" Just let it go, because more than likely tomorrow you will have 2 new followers for one reason and another.

Which all leads me to the point I was thinking about before I actually started typing this post. Nobody is ever going to agree 100% with everyone else. Just never going to happen. You are never going to have Rabbi Shmuley admitting he is an asshole for releasing a book and you are never going to get Jermaine Jackson to admit that if he isn't making enough money he really needs to give up the entertainment business and get a real job.

And that is Twitter. It is like a miniature version of the planet. People of all different races, sexes, and religions all putting their 140 character opinions and thoughts out there. Nobody is expected to agree 100% just like real life.

So, without further ado, I would like to wish all those that have indeed unfollowed me a great life. Thanks for being part of the journey.

Twitter just needs to calm the fuck down. Each and everyone on there is just one person in a sea of people. If someone comments negatively about a tweet don't consider it an insult consider it the beginning of a debate.


Cuss Count: Medium

Legal Notice: None required for a change. My lawyer friend can breathe a sigh of relief that nothing needs to be checked. Hell I don't even have to mention "satire" to cover my ass.

Note: I just got through reading the post and it seems I may have gone a bit soft towards the end. Don't fucking worry about it. I'm still obnoxious, I'm still an asshole, and normal service will resume by the end of the week. And if you want an argumentative point - I'll say Michael Jackson is dead just to piss you off.


Do Not Fear The Illuminati

Some of the hoax related forums would want members to be shitting themselves that the all-powerful Illuminati is controlling everything and anything; and if you don't stand in line to be fucked by these elitist thugs you'll be wiped out quicker than a legal document containing the words "Conrad" and "AEG".

I've mentioned before in this blog that I really don't think that the Illuminati is as powerful as the legends, and urban myths, have made them. And I definitely don't believe they have anything to do with Michael Jackson faking his death.

But don't fear the Illuminati - beat the fucking evil bastards at their own game and set up a lodge all of your own. That will fix them; give them a bit of competition. And who knows maybe in a few months you could be deciding world monetary decisions and mind-controlling Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

First thing is first; think of a name for your lodge. Let us stay hoax related and use the name "The Grand Order Of Hoaxers". Not a great name, but it is just an example, and I didn't want to steal a good name just as an example.

Then you need a phrase which will identify your lodge from all the others. It doesn't matter what you think of because you have to translate it to Latin to give your lodge that feel that it has existed since the dawn of time. Not sure why the dead language, Latin, is used but it is. If it was a popularity decision I'd of chosen Chinese seems there are more people that know Chinese than Latin. But looking at all the other lodges online it seems Latin is the language of choice; and I didn't feel like upsetting the apple cart that much.

For The Grand Order of Hoaxers I chose the term "Truth, integrity, and liberty" which when the online translation was finished ended up as "Veritas, Integrias, Libertate". Leave well alone at this point. I decided to reverse the translation, and translate it back to English and got "Truly, Integrity and Liberty". On this point I decided that the Latin wasn't that important seems nobody really cares about a dead language. Not like it is Spanish and a million Mexicans are going to start complaining that you translated "taco" wrong.

Now you need a logo. Go with whatever the hell you feel like. Seriously it doesn't seem to matter. For The Grand Order of Hoaxers I chose to incorporate a sword, an eyeball, and a phoenix. Seriously it doesn't matter. Well it does and it doesn't. Mine is merely an example and therefore it doesn't matter one little shit. But allegedly these masonic logos all mean something. You want to investigate it and find out while you design yours go for it. Me, I could not be bothered.

Woohoo almost there. You are going to need some members. This is where it gets tricky but at the same time it is where it gets fun. First you need an initiation ritual. Steal one that already exists and add your own twist to it. So for the example the new members are going to have to stand in a circle and chant something:

"As a member of the Grand Order of Hoaxers I will not divulge to any outsider what transpires within these walls. I will not openly acknowledge another member in public unless signalled, and I shall do whatever the High Hoaxer asks without question."

While we are at the weird shit. You might want to create a special handshake at this point so that members can greet each other in public without the lowly public knowing what the fuck you are up to. Keeping it hoax related I came up with this: Member #1 Goes on tiptoes and puts his hand out for a handshake. Member #2 Steps back 2 paces in 'moonwalk' style and puts his hand to Member #1. They must say "Hee-hee" three times while shaking hands.

So you have a lodge, a phrase, a logo, members, an initiation ceremony, and a secret handshake. That is pretty much it. You are now ready to take the Illuminati on at their own game. Just go hang out at various masonic temples and coerce a few of their members to join and eventually you'll be in the Illuminati; and you don't have to fear something if you are part of it.

So get your asses of Twitter, Myspace, and Facebook. Create a fucking lodge and start running the world the way you want. And if anyone disagrees with you just wipe them out - you have to get the population down to 500 million anyway.


Cuss Count: Minimal

Legal Notice: This guide for controlling the world may not exactly be 100% accurate. The information is supplied as is and no guarantee is represented in any way. And remember if you become Supreme World President Of The Earth I helped. This post is satire and may be reproduced at will as long as it is not taken seriously.