Randy Jackson Exclusive

After his somewhat embarrassing 'Question Time' on Twitter, Wednesday night, I sat down with Randy Jackson to try and get the answers that were not forthcoming during his 'Question Time'.

Below is the full, unedited, transcript of the conversation that took place.

MJHDC: Hi Randy; thanks for taking the time to answer some questions.
Randy: [Silence]
MJHDC: OK Then. This kind of only works if you actually say something.
Randy: [Silence]
MJHDC: I see this is going to be tougher than trying to run your fingers through Jermaine's hair. So let me go back to when Hold My Hand was released at midnight. Some of the fans felt you should have tweeted the #HoldMyHand which later went on to become the number one trending topic worldwide instead of just advertising your 'Question Time'. What do you say to that criticism?
Randy: I don't agree with the single or the album.
MJHDC: Care to elaborate on that?
Randy: No.
MJHDC: So you don't agree with the album. In your tweets you mentioned that voice analysts were paid by Sony so their analysis was biased. Didn't the Jackson family have a second analysis done which also confirmed it was Michael singing on Breaking News?
Randy: They were paid too
MJHDC: Yes; but by the Jackson family.
Randy: No. You don't get it. They were paid off by Sony to say it was Michael.
MJHDC: Why would they do that?
Randy: To make money from Michael.
MJHDC: But that is a good thing. I mean it is good for your Mom and Michael's kids. They will obviously get a cut of the profits.
Randy: It doesn't work like that. We are Jacksons, we are family, it is OK for us to profit from Michael's legacy, and name; but nobody else.
MJHDC: Which leads to my next point. Some have suggested that the Jackson family are nothing more than leeches sucking the blood dry from Michael's legacy. How would you answer that?
Randy: It is not true. Jermaine maybe. Well OK definitely. But not Janet and Rebbie.
MJHDC: You didn't mention yourself, Marlon, Tito, or Jackie. Any reason why?
Randy: That is none of your goddamn business is why.
MJHDC: So, you refuse to confirm that the 'leeches' are sucking everything they can so they don't have to work?
Randy: You are damn right I do.
MJHDC: Any comments on Jackie's new single?
Randy: It is not him.
MJHDC: What?
Randy: It is part of the Sony conspiracy. They want people to think it is Jackie so that it makes people believe it is Michael on his album.
MJHDC: Two completely different things Randy. How exactly does that work?
Randy: Four words for you. Sony New World Order. Rearrange the initials of them words and you get SNOW. It is the white man scheme to keep the black folks down.
MJHDC: That really doesn't make too much sense either Randy. Talking of things that don't make make sense you mentioned in your tweets about 'armed guards'. Care to elaborate on that?
Randy: Something was going on in that studio they didn't want people to know about. So they had armed guards there to keep everyone out.
MJHDC: Could it be Michael was there?
Randy: No. I think it was aliens.
MJHDC: Aliens?
Randy: Yeah, the album wasn't finished so they got aliens in to finish it. There was a clue in the We Are The World video - the little green men. That was a sign.
MJHDC: Can we keep with reality here?
Randy: That is real.
MJHDC: OK. If you say so. Moving on. You mentioned your dislike for Oprah Winfrey in your 'Question Time' tweets.
Randy: That woman is pure evil. Making money off Michael's name. It just isn't right.
MJHDC: Some would say the Jackson family has done the same thing. You all jumped on Twitter. Your Mom wrote a book; and your Dad has launched so many lawsuits to try and get his hands on Michael's money. How would you answer those critics?
Randy: It is none of their goddamn business. They should focus on Oprah. Michael doesn't even like her.
MJHDC: He did keep kind of separate from the family too. Could that action alone suggest he didn't like certain people in his family?
Randy: Just focus on Oprah. She is part of it. She never liked Michael and did her best to portray him in a bad light at every chance.
MJHDC: So why did your Mom agree to the interview with Oprah?
Randy: Crack.
MJHDC: Pardon? You suggesting your Mom, Katherine Jackson, is on crack?
Randy: Hell no. But my father is. They did the interview for crack. Mom had to agree to it or Dad would have just beat her upside the head.
MJHDC: Let me back track here a little. You are saying since June 25, 2009 it has been armed guards, aliens, drugs, Oprah, and Sony doing everything?
Randy: Yes. It has to be. No other explanation fits.
MJHDC: Umm. OK. So why does Jackie not see all this; and has openly approved of the new album from Michael?
Randy: Because he is part of it. It is a conspiracy. Michael is taken out of the picture and then Sony push Jackie to the front.
MJHDC: Are you suggesting Sony killed Michael so Jackie could have a career?
Randy: No. You are not listening. Watch the news. AEG killed Michael. But they did it because they owed Sony some money, a favor, or something.
MJHDC: So you are saying Michael is dead?
Randy: No. AEG couldn't go through with it so they helped Michael fake his death and disappear.
MJHDC: So you are saying Michael is alive?
Randy: No. I am not saying that either.
MJHDC: So you are not saying Michael is alive or dead. But, you mentioned in your tweets that Michael liked to play jokes. Was that a clue to suggest he did indeed fake his death?
Randy: No.
MJHDC: So where is Michael?
Randy: With the aliens. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell others but nobody would listen. I tried to tell Larry King but all he could say was that he loved me in Different Strokes.
MJHDC: Have you considered treatment?
Randy: No. Oprah and Sony would have the perfect opportunity to kill me - to silence me if I went anywhere for treatment.
MJHDC: Oprah wants you dead?
Randy: Yes, that is why Janet is pissed at her. Janet is protecting me from the evil that is Oprah.
MJHDC: It sounds like you need help Randy.
Randy: I do. Janet cannot protect me on her own.
MJHDC: I actually meant psychiatric help.
Randy: Everything I have told you is true. You have to believe me.
MJHDC: I'd like to Randy. But other than the fact it makes no sense whatsoever you don't seem to be offering any proof of the statements you are making.
Randy: As Mulder always used to say - The proof is out there.
MJHDC: That was truth not proof.
Randy: Truth, proof, it is all the same.
MJHDC: No, not really.
Randy: OK. One more question then I have to get home, take my meds, and listen to the Alex Jones radio show.
MJHDC: What does the future hold for Randy Jackson?
Randy: There is no future. 2012 is coming. The end. Sony takes over the world and put Queen Oprah as world leader.
MJHDC: [Laughing] OK. We are done.
Randy: No, listen it is bigger than Michael, bigger than this earth. Sony, Oprah, lizard people, and aliens.
MJHDC: Randy, I just dialed 911. You have about three minutes before the police arrive.
Randy: Shit, you shouldn't have done that. They are in on it too. Run for your life. Run before it is too late.

At that point Randy ran out of the building. No charges were filed although the police say they are aware of Randy Jackson and have been keeping an eye on him.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: Randy Jackson never did answer the questions put to him - no surprise there. This post is satire and as such should not be taken seriously by anybody. There is no proof that Sony or Oprah are evil and intending to take over the entire world.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Literally LMAO
Bad you!
Doggie I think you are a beliver, aren't you? From a believer's angle, will you get conclusion that Michael's leading Landy and all siblings? If so, to be Landy's part people has to sacrifice more than others. I begin to respect Landy now. It's not easy to act as a psychosis. Landy should definitely thank you by the Exclusive for him!

Anonymous said...

when i'm down and feeling blue, i come here and i read this stuff??? hilarious, brilliantly funny, witty, help i'm running out of adjectives!!!! keep it up, you made my day.. again :)
and jeez man, WRITE A BOOK ALREADY

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