The Hoaxer's Halloween

The following story is fictional. All people, places, and situations bearing any resemblance to real life, persons living or dead, is purely coincidental.

It was the night before Halloween, Devil's Night to some, but to the various hoaxers, and believers, around the world it was the third night in which believers were being killed off.

Two days ago, in California, a prolific believer had been killed. Local police had chalked the murder up to just another senseless killing; but any believer who saw the crime scene knew something more had taken place.

When Twiggy was discovered. She was tied to her bed; her naked body seemingly punctured over and over again by a knife. Blood soaked the sheets. If that was all the details believers might also feel it was just another senseless murder. But there was clues that police had overlooked - because to them the clues meant nothing. All over the wall, written in blood, was the phrase "7x7x7". There was a single white glove found on the floor. The police did a complete sweep of the room - no fingerprints, no DNA, no nothing as evidence.

The local police, in California, said it was a killing, that although strange, appeared to be random and would unlikely be repeated. As far as they were concerned it was another murder that would go unsolved.

Yesterday in Newcastle, England, another believer was killed. The body of Henda had been found hanging in an abandoned warehouse. Hanging from the beam was Henda. His body had slowly dripped every fluid ounce of blood to the floor below. Yet again another killing. Local media said that the police were confused by the scene but were unlikely to solve this murder.

The scene was later described by the local news. Henda had been hanging, his blood slowly leaving his body as he died a slow, painful, death. Police found a single white glove; although there was no message this time. No message until the blood was cleaned up that is. As the blood was washed from the floor, below Henda was a circular message - a calling card. It read "7x7x7x7x7x7x". Once again there was no evidence. No fingerprints. Nothing.

The rumors were already starting on Twitter. Someone was going around the world killing believers. But who could be doing such a thing. Who could be creating these horrible murder scenes without leaving the police so much as a single strand of evidence to work with?

Then it happened. As soon as the news broke it was all over Twitter. Souza, the administrator of a hoax forum, had been killed. Details were sketchy to say the least. All that was known is that Souza had been murdered. Yet another believer killed. The scene was later described: Souza had been in the kitchen. Someone took a knife and cut her throat. Then they cut off her arms; then her legs. She had died screaming in pain. Once again there was a single white glove. There was also the message of "7x7x7" carved into her torso. No evidence was found.

It was the next day, Halloween, believers worldwide were worried that one of them was going to be next. Three people had died and it would most likely happen again tonight. But who was it to be? Butterflies400 checked her direct messages on Twitter - one stood out:

Happy Halloween Hoaxers!


Wake Up The Trial Is Almost Over

The Conrad Murray trial is all but over. And what have we learned from it all? Medical experts chosen as witnesses seem to be one step away from comatose. They are possibly the most boring people in the entire world.

Michael Jackson didn't need Propofol - he should of just paid these people to sit in his room and start them talking. He'd of been asleep in seconds and would have stayed asleep for hours while these boring bastards discussed the various details of IV bags, Propofol, and other things.

This is possibly the trial of the decade. The current generations OJ Simpson trial and it is full of boring people with about as much personality as roadkill.

Judge Michael Pastor has tried to inject a little bit of life with the occasional joke or smart remark. But that has not been enough to counter the likes of Flanagan, Chernoff, White, and Shafer who have made it a personal mission to send the jurors to sleep.

Why couldn't Jim Carrey be a Propofol expert? Anybody but the boring people they paraded in court. It could have all been so different:

Chernoff: And your name for the record is?
Witness: Dr Who.
Chernoff: Who?
Witness: No, not really, it is Dr James Steele, I just always wanted to use the Dr Who line.
Chernoff: Umm OK. And you are an expert in Propofol?
Wtiness: Yes I am. I can get you some seems your boy there can't order it anymore.
Chernoff: No, that is not what I meant.
Witness: Well you need to be clearer then.
Chernoff: So can you describe ...
Witness: Wait. I got one for you. Two nuns walk into a bar and order Propofol ...
Judge: Whoa there. Now is not the time.
Witness: Just trying to lighten the mood.
Judge: Its a very serious matter.
Witness: That is what the bartender said to the nuns.
Chernoff: Objection.
Judge: Overruled I've heard that one before it is what the bartender says.

Nobody cares how many milligrams of Propofol it takes to put a piglet butt to sleep. Nobody cares what Dr White had to say. The trial has been a let down. So no matter what the outcome of the trial it may go down in history as one of the most boring 'celebrity' trials ever.

You know it is a boring trial when the highlight has been a pumpkin, an elephant, and Murray's hooker girlfriend showing up with her dollar store weave looking like she just finished a shift at 'Jiggles' strip club.


Getting What You Get

McDonald's estimate that they sell 550 million Big Macs in the United States alone. That is 17 Big Macs sold every second. There are at present 307,006,550 people in the United States - so that is almost 2 Big Macs per every person in the United States.

But why the fuck are they so popular? As burgers go they are definitely not the tastiest burger.

As price goes they are also not the cheapest - the average price in the United States for a Big Mac is $3.90 (just for the Big Mac sandwich). It is estimated because of buying power and other factors it costs just 70 cents to make each Big Mac.  That is a whopping $3.20 gross profit per each Big Mac sandwich; or a yearly gross profit of $1,760,000,000. Over 1.75 BILLION dollars each year just on the Big Mac sandwich.

Big Mac Promotional Picture

This is the picture you see when you order your Big Mac sandwich. Notice the succulent burger patties. Notice the crisp green lettuce. Notice the soft bun. Everything placed together with love, care, and attention. It is the picture of health as far as burger sandwiches go.

But it is also a complete fucking lie.

Actual Big Mac

This is a picture of an actual Bic Mac sandwich. You will notice the burger overall looks a whole lot smaller than the 'advertising' picture that McDonald's use. Look at those burger patties - not only are they anorexic in comparison but they look drier than the Sahara Desert. The lettuce is looking a little limp; and the bun is looking like it has seen better days. And what happened to the love, care, and attention putting it together?

How many people hand it back and say "What the fuck is this shit? I didn't order this fucking abortion. You see that burger with the number 1 next to it that is what I fucking ordered. I wouldn't give this shit you just sold me to my neighbor's dog. And by the way I don't like my neighbor's dog!"

Globally, and not just at McDonald's, people have become more apathetic. We'll accept pretty much anything without complaining. And big corporations and governments have noticed that on the whole the general public will bend over and take it up the ass; and say "thank you" afterwards.

It is like walking in to a car dealership and ordering one of these:

Ferrari F-430 Spider

And getting one of these for your $100,000:

Reliant Robin

Saying thanks to the dealer as you drive off at 0 to 60 in about 2 minutes - and a fucking wheel short.

But corporations and governments will only keep shafting the public as long as they can get away with it. If the majority say nothing they'll keep pushing out the same shit at higher and higher prices without giving a flying fuck about the person they are selling it to.

Legal Notice: All copyrighted products, trademarks, and the like are used only for descriptive purposes and in stating an opinion about said products.


Senior Drug Dealers

Ever wonder why the elderly go to bed so early; and then get up the following morning before anyone else? Me too. So I thought about it for about 5 seconds before I decided to write this post.

There is a ton of scientific evidence to prove that as people get older they need less sleep; and this is why old people go to bed early and get up early too. Bollocks; it is nothing more than a cover story - an alibi from a shady character merely put out there to fool the masses in to believing that old people are all nice and sweet.

After 5 seconds of thought I worked out what was being covered up. Our senior citizens are nothing but low-life drug peddlers.

Don't start writing that Grandpa and Grandma wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. Just because Grandma knits the occasional seasonal cardigan; and Grandpa is usually asleep right after dinner means nothing. It is just part of the conspiracy cover-up that has been force fed to generation after generation to keep their secret lives secret.

Ask any member of the police force and you'll find that most 'dawn raids' happen between 6:00AM and 7:00AM. That is why Grandma and Grandpa are up at 5:30AM. The early bird catches the worm but the earlier old people beat the police. But why are the elderly so intent on beating the police? Because they are all growing, making, and selling drugs.

They have worked all their lives putting a little away for their retirement. Then when they retire they realize that retirement will not support Grandma's bingo habit; or Grandpa's pipe tobacco. So they need to supplement their income and they enter the underworld of drug dealing.

Grandpa has spent his life learning from his father and Grandfather learning to grow successful crops each year - no matter what the weather may bring. Come retirement he is going to put all that horticultural knowledge to good use and grow his own medicinal marijuana for himself and his friends down the Legion. Slowly the word spreads and before you know it Grandpa has taken over the Legion and got a couple of ex-army friends as bouncers on the door.

And don't think that while Grandpa is out there selling his 'medicine' to various people Grandma is at home enjoying a cup of coffee and watching Oprah. Hell no, she is out there catching up with the gossip. She knows more about the entire neighborhood - it would take 50 FBI agents a lifetime to learn what she knows about every single person within 5 miles of her home.  Grandma is the 'intel' she keeps her ear to the ground to see who knows what. You think it is merely a coincidence that she speaks to Joyce the mother of the local Sheriff. Think again.

Grandma: Hello Joyce.
Joyce: Hello Geraldine.
Grandma: Nice weather we are having.
Joyce: That it is especially for this time of year.
Grandma: How is your George?
Joyce: Not too well. Having a hip replacement next week.
Grandma: Oh I am sorry to hear that.
Joyce: It'll do him good.
Grandma: And your Jacob; how is he doing?
Joyce: Busy at work. Got the state police coming in tomorrow for a drug bust in the area. He hates them dawn raids.
Grandma: Ah I see. Local people?
Joyce: Them young lads living in that trailer.
Grandma: Never did like them.

A seemingly innocent conversation. But Grandma now knows where the police will be at 6:00AM tomorrow; and that there will be new customers if she plays her cards right.

So Grandma and Grandpa may look like the sweetest old couple you know. But in reality they are supplementing their income by selling drugs. How do you think they afforded the new car and the cruise last year?


Where Is Arnie?

Like some fucking psychedelic Wheres Waldo picture. The courtroom today, including the jury, has to be wondering "Where is Arnie Klein?"

While the so-called sleep medicine expert, Dr Nader Kamangar, said his review of Jackson's records showed the singer received Demerol from Beverly Hills dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein.

Now cast your mind back three weeks ago: Ed Chernoff told jurors that in the months before his death, Jackson visited Klein's office as many as two to three times a week. "Dr Arnold Klein addicted Michael Jackson to Demerol."

The defense team, for Dr Conrad Murray is going to try and prove that due to a Demerol addiction Michael Jackson suffered from insomnia which Murray was trying to treat.

So, his name is being thrown around the courtroom like Murray throws one-dollar bills around a strip club and yet Arnie Klein is not going to be called. Odd? No, more like completely fucking weird. Arnie Klein is not even on the possible witness list; and in one of the pre-trial hearings the judge, Michael Pastor, ensured that Arnie Klein would not testify by limiting evidence to 72 hours before the death of Michael Jackson - and only that which is relevant to the care Dr Conrad Murray provided to Michael Jackson.

Although Arnie may have played the biggest part leading up to all this he will never have to testify in court about anything. Which means we will never know - not that we would anyway because Arnie Klein is known to tell the odd lie or two or thousand.

Some have suggested that the prosecution were instrumental in keeping Arnie Klein out of the courtroom because of concerns from the Michael Jackson estate. Now, the only thing I could find is that back in 2004, Howard Weitzman, who now represents the Michael Jackson estate and executors in all litigation matters represented Arnie Klein in a lawsuit where Klein was unsuccessfully sued for botox misuse on a patient. Allegedly, since then Howard Weitzman hasn't spoken to Klein.


Lets Call A Spade A Spade

Before anyone starts complaining that to use the term 'spade' is racist; according to Wikipedia it simply means: "To be outspoken, blunt, even to the point of rudeness; to call things by their proper names without any 'beating about the bush'."

Right with that little bit out the way on to the post; which is all about some fake ass wannabe Michael Jackson on Twitter. That person is @mjviva.

I went over to their account to check their tweets to see if there had just been a misunderstanding of some sort and read the last 7 days. No misunderstanding - the person is definitely a basement dweller that thinks they are Michael Jackson; well they think they are but then in other tweets they think they are not and are just involved somehow.

Before looking at the tweets lets get one thing out of the way. If Michael Jackson faked his death on June 25, 2009 in front of the whole world he is not going to make some announcement about his well-being, location, or life with a Twitter account that is just a fucking egg. Seriously, if you think that I am sure there are a million telemarketers that would love to call you right now and sell you something you don't need.

Anyway, on with the tweets:

(October 7, 2011)

"SEE YOU SOON. MICHAEL" You'll notice the period between "soon" and "Michael". So it is is Michael? Of course it is. No really that is all the proof you need. No it is not JokeCalmsChina, PeterPanPYT, or InMySmallCell (or whatever). Michael Jackson has tweeted to the entire world. Of course he didn't - because a purple egg told you this you are going to believe it? Take drugs in your strange world?

(Both October 7, 2011)

"The return timing is 2011." "Expect something good in November." The classic lines from bullshit basement dwellers. Anticipation. So November 2011? I doubt it. It just gives mjviva a whole extra month before they are outed to even the blind as a fake.

You all know how to look at a Twitter profile. I don't need to be pasting every little tweet for you to read.  But just remember that the tweets are signed as "MJ aka mjviva" and "MICHAEL". If you think it is Michael all well and good I'm sure you'll lead a very fruitful life and eventually working up to manager at the local McDonalds.

But seriously, if you want to believe that this purple egg has any connection to the hoax go ahead. No really. Makes no difference to me. I just know that come the end of November 2011 a bunch of people will all come to the realization this mjviva is another person that has a sad life and instead of being themselves they have to pretend to be Michael Jackson on Twitter.

Don't take my word for it. Look at what they have tweeted. Read the Twitlonger posts they posted and decide for yourself. But while you are deciding remember that this purple egg Michael Jackson is meant to be the same Michael Jackson that sold millions of albums; and wowed millions with his concerts?


From Three To One

Starving Marvin is dead. A short and fruitless life really so no great loss. Hoax News Network has moved on to pastures new; and as all will undoubtedly remember Homeless Dave was fired for accepting a 'bribe' from Propofol as a sponsor.

So where does that leave everything? Exactly where it was before - MJHDC. All the others were merely puppets created by a strange and weird mind that just decided to cut their strings.

As can be seen by the 'new' blog header it is just one crazy ass dog again.

Let the fun begin.