11/12/2010

The Encino Scrolls

In what archaeologists are calling the biggest discovery since the Turin shroud; at Encino, California some scrolls have been unearthed which could shed some light on the whole Michael Jackson hoax death.

The scrolls were discovered earlier this week, at the Jackson Encino compound, by a part-time cleaner; Consuela Sanchez. Although the scrolls have yet to be authenticated many historians are claiming that the scrolls are indeed legitimate.

"What people don't understand about these scrolls is the significance of Michael Jackson within the Jackson family. Although it is still unclear who wrote these scrolls one thing is really clear - they had a full insight to Michael's mind, thoughts, and opinions." said Elissa Fleak.

The scrolls have already been copyrighted by the Michael Jackson estate; although Joe Jackson, through his lawyer Brian Oxman, has already filed a lawsuit claiming some of the profits generated by the scrolls should rightfully be his.

Joe Jackson said: "Aint no fucking estate getting all the money from these scrolls. Hell, they were found in my fucking house. Branca can eat a motherfucking dick straight up if he thinks I'm going to lie down like some $2 bitch and take it up the ass. For all we know, whoever wrote these scrolls could have meant them for me. I am not going to be shafted once again."

No official statement has been released by the Michael Jackson estate regarding the scrolls or the lawsuit Joe Jackson has launched. But yesterday at a crowded restaurant John Branca was overheard saying: "Fuck Joe Jackson, I get 5% of all profits, he can kiss my lily white ass if he thinks he is getting a dime. And that Oxman cunt can shut the fuck up too; didn't he see how much the estate spends on legal fees?"

Katherine Jackson, who at present is remaining quiet about the scrolls, had this to say: "I am not talking about the scrolls. It is not like they make a wonderful Christmas present like my book."

An insider at the Encino compound, who refuses to be named, has seen the scrolls; and said: "The scrolls are real. Already around the Encino home speculation is rising on who wrote the scrolls. There is a division among the house with sides clearly being defined. I have not seen all the scrolls; but the ones I have seen appear to have some sort of religious meaning."

One of the snippets that the Michael Jackson estate released to the media is from what religious experts are calling the Gospel Of Latoya. It says in Chapter 6, Verses 8 & 9:

"For it would be easier for a Justin Bieber fanatic to enter the hallowed, and official, Michael Jackson fan club than to run fingers through the hair of Jermaine."

Another section was leaked earlier this week; although a certain amount of controversy has surrounded the authenticity. It said to be quoted from the Gospel Of Tito and has already been labeled by many as "The Hoaxer's Prayer".

The Hoaxer's Prayer

Dear Michael who isn't in Heaven
Copyrighted be they name
The MJ estate come
Injustices will be done
In the courts as well as the media
Give us Bamsday
Plus our daily clue
And forgive Jermaine's singing
As we forgive Jason Malachi
Lead us not down the yellow brick road
But deliver us from Sony
For your income supports
Your whole family
forever. Heehee.

Harvey Levin, of TMZ fame, said: "I told you it was all religious. You think it was all coincidence when we released news stories? But nobody would listen. TMZ did the exclusive of this Hoaxer's Prayer earlier this week. Read your Bible; Jeremiah 11:8. It is there - I will bring upon them the words of this covenant."

The Catholic church has already reacted to the discovery of the scrolls. The Pope said: "Oh come on it is pure plagiarism. We have the Bible and these scrolls turn up and we are meant to question God and Jesus? No, it is not right. What next, Pope Joe Jackson the First? The Catholic church denounces these scrolls as the work of the Devil; maybe Jermaine himself created them. Just because Jermaine uses no condoms, evident by his Child Support problems, does not make him a Catholic. We have sent a team of Bishops to investigate these scrolls further."

BREAKING NEWS: Just as this article was being published we learned that Oprah Winfrey has been arrested at the Jacksons Encino compound. Even though details are a little sketchy it is rumored she was stopped by security staff trying to place an 'Oprah Book Club' sticker on several of the scrolls. Reports from within the compound say she was unsuccessful.

Fragment of the Encino Scrolls depicting the "Hoaxer's Prayer"

Peace.

Cuss Count: Pretty Low

Legal Notice: The Encino Scrolls is a work of fiction; it is merely satire. Nobody quoted really said anything. Oprah Winfrey was not arrested although she will put her 'Book Club' sticker on pretty much anything.

5 comments:

Hatman Magoo said...

ROFLMAO @ending the prayer with Heehee.
Priceless! Now thatwas too funny.
Thanks for that! Made my day... lol!

Anonymous said...

You should be a writer, if you aren't already.

Anonymous said...

I have a question for you MJHDC, since you run a site. I am a member of MJHD who is very suspicious of Mo & Souza. I have been trying to figure out what they are up to. (mainly if they have the site to make money) They have a link to the old mjKit site at the top of the page, so I went in there to look around since I was not part of that forum.

Well, I noticed that people are registering on that site almost every day. All threads are locked and you can read the info without registering, so that baffles me. Then, I went to check out the page info and it said I had been there 339 times. There are also active ads on that site, so it obviously is generating money.

I don't know the ins and outs of domains, etc. So, do you think they are somehow making money off the members of MJHDI by somehow secretly linking them to mjkit? I am curious. I would appreciate any input. Thank you! BTW...I was the "friendless non-tweeter" in chat about a week ago.

MJHD Conspiracy said...

Anonymous said: "They have a link to the old mjKit site at the top of the page, so I went in there to look around since I was not part of that forum. Well, I noticed that people are registering on that site almost every day. All threads are locked and you can read the info without registering, so that baffles me. Then, I went to check out the page info and it said I had been there 339 times. There are also active ads on that site, so it obviously is generating money."

I am at a loss as to why people are signing up at the MJKit forum to be honest. Maybe it is just people believing that you need to register to 'unlock' the forums and then finding out that it is not so.

As for the adverts on the MJKit forum they actually come from Forumotion who host free unlimited forums; and it is an advert they put on and from clicks get some amount of a kick back.

I have to say using Firefox, and Ad Blocker Plus would help as you wouldn't see the MJKit or many other adverts at all.

Unfortunately it was nothing which was more sinister; but hope the answer helps.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question.

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