Randy Jackson Exclusive

After his somewhat embarrassing 'Question Time' on Twitter, Wednesday night, I sat down with Randy Jackson to try and get the answers that were not forthcoming during his 'Question Time'.

Below is the full, unedited, transcript of the conversation that took place.

MJHDC: Hi Randy; thanks for taking the time to answer some questions.
Randy: [Silence]
MJHDC: OK Then. This kind of only works if you actually say something.
Randy: [Silence]
MJHDC: I see this is going to be tougher than trying to run your fingers through Jermaine's hair. So let me go back to when Hold My Hand was released at midnight. Some of the fans felt you should have tweeted the #HoldMyHand which later went on to become the number one trending topic worldwide instead of just advertising your 'Question Time'. What do you say to that criticism?
Randy: I don't agree with the single or the album.
MJHDC: Care to elaborate on that?
Randy: No.
MJHDC: So you don't agree with the album. In your tweets you mentioned that voice analysts were paid by Sony so their analysis was biased. Didn't the Jackson family have a second analysis done which also confirmed it was Michael singing on Breaking News?
Randy: They were paid too
MJHDC: Yes; but by the Jackson family.
Randy: No. You don't get it. They were paid off by Sony to say it was Michael.
MJHDC: Why would they do that?
Randy: To make money from Michael.
MJHDC: But that is a good thing. I mean it is good for your Mom and Michael's kids. They will obviously get a cut of the profits.
Randy: It doesn't work like that. We are Jacksons, we are family, it is OK for us to profit from Michael's legacy, and name; but nobody else.
MJHDC: Which leads to my next point. Some have suggested that the Jackson family are nothing more than leeches sucking the blood dry from Michael's legacy. How would you answer that?
Randy: It is not true. Jermaine maybe. Well OK definitely. But not Janet and Rebbie.
MJHDC: You didn't mention yourself, Marlon, Tito, or Jackie. Any reason why?
Randy: That is none of your goddamn business is why.
MJHDC: So, you refuse to confirm that the 'leeches' are sucking everything they can so they don't have to work?
Randy: You are damn right I do.
MJHDC: Any comments on Jackie's new single?
Randy: It is not him.
MJHDC: What?
Randy: It is part of the Sony conspiracy. They want people to think it is Jackie so that it makes people believe it is Michael on his album.
MJHDC: Two completely different things Randy. How exactly does that work?
Randy: Four words for you. Sony New World Order. Rearrange the initials of them words and you get SNOW. It is the white man scheme to keep the black folks down.
MJHDC: That really doesn't make too much sense either Randy. Talking of things that don't make make sense you mentioned in your tweets about 'armed guards'. Care to elaborate on that?
Randy: Something was going on in that studio they didn't want people to know about. So they had armed guards there to keep everyone out.
MJHDC: Could it be Michael was there?
Randy: No. I think it was aliens.
MJHDC: Aliens?
Randy: Yeah, the album wasn't finished so they got aliens in to finish it. There was a clue in the We Are The World video - the little green men. That was a sign.
MJHDC: Can we keep with reality here?
Randy: That is real.
MJHDC: OK. If you say so. Moving on. You mentioned your dislike for Oprah Winfrey in your 'Question Time' tweets.
Randy: That woman is pure evil. Making money off Michael's name. It just isn't right.
MJHDC: Some would say the Jackson family has done the same thing. You all jumped on Twitter. Your Mom wrote a book; and your Dad has launched so many lawsuits to try and get his hands on Michael's money. How would you answer those critics?
Randy: It is none of their goddamn business. They should focus on Oprah. Michael doesn't even like her.
MJHDC: He did keep kind of separate from the family too. Could that action alone suggest he didn't like certain people in his family?
Randy: Just focus on Oprah. She is part of it. She never liked Michael and did her best to portray him in a bad light at every chance.
MJHDC: So why did your Mom agree to the interview with Oprah?
Randy: Crack.
MJHDC: Pardon? You suggesting your Mom, Katherine Jackson, is on crack?
Randy: Hell no. But my father is. They did the interview for crack. Mom had to agree to it or Dad would have just beat her upside the head.
MJHDC: Let me back track here a little. You are saying since June 25, 2009 it has been armed guards, aliens, drugs, Oprah, and Sony doing everything?
Randy: Yes. It has to be. No other explanation fits.
MJHDC: Umm. OK. So why does Jackie not see all this; and has openly approved of the new album from Michael?
Randy: Because he is part of it. It is a conspiracy. Michael is taken out of the picture and then Sony push Jackie to the front.
MJHDC: Are you suggesting Sony killed Michael so Jackie could have a career?
Randy: No. You are not listening. Watch the news. AEG killed Michael. But they did it because they owed Sony some money, a favor, or something.
MJHDC: So you are saying Michael is dead?
Randy: No. AEG couldn't go through with it so they helped Michael fake his death and disappear.
MJHDC: So you are saying Michael is alive?
Randy: No. I am not saying that either.
MJHDC: So you are not saying Michael is alive or dead. But, you mentioned in your tweets that Michael liked to play jokes. Was that a clue to suggest he did indeed fake his death?
Randy: No.
MJHDC: So where is Michael?
Randy: With the aliens. I tried to tell you. I tried to tell others but nobody would listen. I tried to tell Larry King but all he could say was that he loved me in Different Strokes.
MJHDC: Have you considered treatment?
Randy: No. Oprah and Sony would have the perfect opportunity to kill me - to silence me if I went anywhere for treatment.
MJHDC: Oprah wants you dead?
Randy: Yes, that is why Janet is pissed at her. Janet is protecting me from the evil that is Oprah.
MJHDC: It sounds like you need help Randy.
Randy: I do. Janet cannot protect me on her own.
MJHDC: I actually meant psychiatric help.
Randy: Everything I have told you is true. You have to believe me.
MJHDC: I'd like to Randy. But other than the fact it makes no sense whatsoever you don't seem to be offering any proof of the statements you are making.
Randy: As Mulder always used to say - The proof is out there.
MJHDC: That was truth not proof.
Randy: Truth, proof, it is all the same.
MJHDC: No, not really.
Randy: OK. One more question then I have to get home, take my meds, and listen to the Alex Jones radio show.
MJHDC: What does the future hold for Randy Jackson?
Randy: There is no future. 2012 is coming. The end. Sony takes over the world and put Queen Oprah as world leader.
MJHDC: [Laughing] OK. We are done.
Randy: No, listen it is bigger than Michael, bigger than this earth. Sony, Oprah, lizard people, and aliens.
MJHDC: Randy, I just dialed 911. You have about three minutes before the police arrive.
Randy: Shit, you shouldn't have done that. They are in on it too. Run for your life. Run before it is too late.

At that point Randy ran out of the building. No charges were filed although the police say they are aware of Randy Jackson and have been keeping an eye on him.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: Randy Jackson never did answer the questions put to him - no surprise there. This post is satire and as such should not be taken seriously by anybody. There is no proof that Sony or Oprah are evil and intending to take over the entire world.


Nazi Cash Scheme

Just when you think the Nazi lesbians cannot get any worse they do; and they still have the little faggot clown lurking in the background ready to pop out when some fucking crackhead scheme comes up.

Now I'm not going to throw a link up. If you don't know where the Nazi HQ is by now just follow the stench of bullshit flowing from the place.

I have 3 pages of screenshots just in case Souzadolf takes the post down, like she did the last request for people to donate money.

Before we get started I am not against charity, or charities, but only when you can trust the people behind it to a certain extent. Sorry, but I would trust these 3 fuckers to organize an orgy in Las Vegas. Seriously, these three Alex Jones wannabes don't trust the banking system because it is controlled by the all-powerful, all-killing, all-mind-controlling, Illuminati but they want to start an escrow charity account. Kind of like asking Jeffery Dahmer to manage the local YMCA.

Let us start at the beginning of all this craziness. Souza creates a post entitled "I Registered A Domain And Would Like To Know Your Thoughts" Starts harmless enough, but as always with these Nazi fuckups there is a catch.

Souza in her first post states:

"I realized that I posted 2 domain names that were still available and that if the wrong person would read it, it would be gone. I therefore decided to register the domain www.michaelsarmyoflove.com. I am not sure if you guys agree with the domain name, but I think it's perfect and if you don't like it, I know other ways to use it."

Wrong person? Shut the fuck up. Drugs have riddled your fucking brain. Nobody in their right mind would want any association with the "Army Of Love" organized by two Dutch fuckups and an AIDS infested clown. The only people not in their right mind that might want it are the forum members that kiss your fucking ass just before you speak out of it.

But as usual things go from bad to worse. couple of posts down Souza opens her ass to say:

"That is why Badkolo pointed out the escrow foundation charity account."

Yeah, trust Badkolo, the fucker only turns up to bitch at members that don't agree with the Nazi regime running the fucked up forum. But let us take a trip to Wikipedia for some details on this great ESCROW account idea.

Wikipedia states, in the opening line: "Escrow services are intended to ensure security by acting as a middleman in transactions where the two parties do not trust each other."

Alarm bells should be going off in your heads right about now. "... where the two parties do not trust each other." Excuse me, but if you don't trust someone why would you give them your money? Seems like a fucking lose-lose situation. You don't trust someone so you set up an escrow account so you can give them money.

But Wikipedia goes on to state: "In the bogus escrow scam, a scammer sets itself up as the recipient of money or goods and then requests the use of an escrow service which is, in fact, self-operated. This bogus escrow service assures the victim that the scammer has sent its item and that the victim should send its item to the escrow service. In fact, this amounts to sending the item to the scammer, who then immediately closes down the escrow service and does not send its item to the victim. The scammer blames the escrow service, claiming that the item was with it at the time it closed down; if the victim did not investigate the escrow service before using it, the ruse may be believed."

So, basically someone you don't trust sets up an escrow account as a scam. Now seems the fucked up trio already took one topic down about donating if the alarm bells were not ringing before they should be loud and clear by now. But just before we leave the knowledge of Wikipedia let us look at the last line of the article: "The rise of Internet escrow has led to a dramatic increase in bogus Internet escrow companies." Anybody else hearing those alarm bells?

Then a few posts down Mo mentions that this escrow service is not free, but Souza cannot be bothered to deal with such details such as how much extra money is needed to get the $5,000 plus the escrow service fee; no she is too busy convincing people that it is a legitimate deal:

"Of course one of us could do it for free, I know I could and I know I am trustworthy, but you can't know that. An independent third party is the best option in this case."

To quote the Queen, form Shakespeare's Hamlet: "The lady doth protest too much, methinks." Some think this is a bit cynical. But normally when someone tries to continually say something there is a reason behind it - especially when money is concerned.

In jumps 2good2btrue. Sorry but that name in this thread is just pure irony. Anyway, 2good2btrue jumps in to say: "Love this idea.......it takes more than one voice to be heard." OK. Forget which forum you are on? Michael Jackson has brought so many people together as ONE VOICE. Suppose with all the Illuminati bullshit and fucked up theories has clouded that fact.

Finally sanity jumps into the ring under the guise of bec; who says: "I am also mildly instinctively offended at the notion that members here aren't already doing their part to be the man in the mirror and make that change ... Again, wonderful idea. But I have reservations that this won't blow up in someone's face. This death hoax community is turbulent, you know what I mean? Do we really have to "prove" that we are walking the walk to the internet community?"

Hallelujah. Sanity. A sensible point too. Why set up yet another service so that people can do what they are already doing?

Moving on to page 2 PJ4MJ starts the insanity off again. It had to happen, the tin foil hat was too fucking tight or something. PJ4MJ says: "It would be nice to see Michael's name connected with charity (as it should be) more than all the tabloid BS." Fuck off. You have to be kidding me. Did you forget which fucked up forum you logged into to post that? The same fucked up forum where the admin contacted The Sun thinking they would be useful to spread the word of the hoax. Too fucking funny. Might want to log into The National Enquirer next.

Play the trumpets, let some fireworks off, and rejoice. The faggot clown has taken his dick out of his boyfriend long enough to comment on the bullshit:

"I am a kind and giving person, some know this first hand, so im all into helping others, and I agree that this is a thoughtful idea and thats why i gave my input, if souza & mo want to help a charity then so be it but as long as you all know it cant be attached to this site in any way, I and they do not need any legal issues brought because of charitable donations."

So it cannot be attached to this site in any way? Hard to do seems it is already advertised and posted on the site in question. But, the bigger question is why can't a charity escrow be linked to the forum where the Army Of Love movement sort of originated? Something is smelling fishier than a Las Vegas hooker at 3am on a Sunday morning.

Now back to Souza: "We can do a lot of good with it and that is what's important, not what someone else thinks of us or any blogger on the internet that needs to get a life and do something with it instead of slandering someone else." Nicely done. Suggest that anyone suggesting this venture is anything less than legitimate is wrong before they even do it. Damage control. Scary thing is she thinks it will work. But she continues: "I don't need approval from anyone to do anything. TS is apparently happy with the subforums but I think that's not enough." If you don't need approval from the lying cunt TS why mention that they are happy with the sub-forums? Seems like a contradictory statement. But she does go on to make a point I agree with: "It's not a good idea if either me, Badkolo or Mo are affiliated with this site." Yeah, kind of like asking Gacy to be the clown at little Timmy's birthday party.

Then, sticking with good points, in comes Mo who states: "I'm sorry, but as far as I'm concerned too much emphasis is put on 'donating money'. I'd rather put the emphasis on actual acting - putting effort into doing something for another person, really helping people by putting your shoulder to the wheel. I think that will make a bigger change than donating a couple of bucks every week." Souza has got to be doing her fucking head in with this dissension among the ranks. I have to agree with Mo on this point though. Any fucker can put their hand in their pocket but those that really want to help actually get out there and do the actual work.

But Souza has to shit on the idea of Mo; with people actually putting their shoulder to the wheel by saying: "That is not something we can do together, simply because we live thousands of miles apart from each other." Yeah, why would people want to help those near to them? Fuck them. You can help someone thousands of miles away while your own community goes to shit. Make sense? No.

But Souza doesn't need to worry about the dissension too much as she has bigger plans to worry about: "So far there hasn't been anyone who raised his/her hand to volunteer for the management of it. If necessary I would do it myself." Nice turn around there Adolf. From not wanting to be involved to volunteering to run it. You think your forum members cannot read and remember? The usual bullshit from the Nazi admin.

trustno1 comes up with a great idea, which Souza will most likely ignore: "I think if some people are going to feel uneasy with it there has to be a deciding vote to gauge the amount of members for it and those against it." Exactly, the Army Of Love is made up of the forum members let them decide. Yet more sanity in a fucked up situation. And lo, and behold, Souza doesn't even consider a vote on her next post. No surprise there really.

But Souza disturbs the sanity once again by saying: "I don't think it's a good idea either Mo, Badkolo or I are affiliated with it in any way like I posted before." Obviously she forgot that she volunteered to manage in between.

So it would be amiss of me to just bitch and not offer a possible solution. So here it is. Its a lot easier, doesn't involve an escrow, or setting up anything. You can follow Mo and do work for your own community and actually get out there and do it. Or you can donate to any charity and on ALL charity donations that are web-based they have what is known as a 'memo' section where you could, if you so felt like it put "Army of Love". Just to prove the point I donated $100 to the Red Cross and in the memo put "On behalf of the Army Of Love". See it is that easy. No website required. No Escrow required. And now the Red Cross is loving the Army Of Love without the Army Of Love doing anything. Also donating directly through a charity website means it can be a write-off come tax time.

Everyone should do something for charity. Be it actually doing the footwork or donating cash. But you don't need some suspicious escrow account, which will be anonymous, to be set up to do it.


Cuss Count: Extremely High

Legal Notice: Not all escrows are scams but at the same time if something looks suspicious it usually is. There is no confirmation that Souza and Mo are lesbians. There is however pictorial evidence that Badkolo may be homosexual. This post is supplied as information and opinion. All quotes are 'as is' including punctuation and spelling mistakes.


The Encino Scrolls

In what archaeologists are calling the biggest discovery since the Turin shroud; at Encino, California some scrolls have been unearthed which could shed some light on the whole Michael Jackson hoax death.

The scrolls were discovered earlier this week, at the Jackson Encino compound, by a part-time cleaner; Consuela Sanchez. Although the scrolls have yet to be authenticated many historians are claiming that the scrolls are indeed legitimate.

"What people don't understand about these scrolls is the significance of Michael Jackson within the Jackson family. Although it is still unclear who wrote these scrolls one thing is really clear - they had a full insight to Michael's mind, thoughts, and opinions." said Elissa Fleak.

The scrolls have already been copyrighted by the Michael Jackson estate; although Joe Jackson, through his lawyer Brian Oxman, has already filed a lawsuit claiming some of the profits generated by the scrolls should rightfully be his.

Joe Jackson said: "Aint no fucking estate getting all the money from these scrolls. Hell, they were found in my fucking house. Branca can eat a motherfucking dick straight up if he thinks I'm going to lie down like some $2 bitch and take it up the ass. For all we know, whoever wrote these scrolls could have meant them for me. I am not going to be shafted once again."

No official statement has been released by the Michael Jackson estate regarding the scrolls or the lawsuit Joe Jackson has launched. But yesterday at a crowded restaurant John Branca was overheard saying: "Fuck Joe Jackson, I get 5% of all profits, he can kiss my lily white ass if he thinks he is getting a dime. And that Oxman cunt can shut the fuck up too; didn't he see how much the estate spends on legal fees?"

Katherine Jackson, who at present is remaining quiet about the scrolls, had this to say: "I am not talking about the scrolls. It is not like they make a wonderful Christmas present like my book."

An insider at the Encino compound, who refuses to be named, has seen the scrolls; and said: "The scrolls are real. Already around the Encino home speculation is rising on who wrote the scrolls. There is a division among the house with sides clearly being defined. I have not seen all the scrolls; but the ones I have seen appear to have some sort of religious meaning."

One of the snippets that the Michael Jackson estate released to the media is from what religious experts are calling the Gospel Of Latoya. It says in Chapter 6, Verses 8 & 9:

"For it would be easier for a Justin Bieber fanatic to enter the hallowed, and official, Michael Jackson fan club than to run fingers through the hair of Jermaine."

Another section was leaked earlier this week; although a certain amount of controversy has surrounded the authenticity. It said to be quoted from the Gospel Of Tito and has already been labeled by many as "The Hoaxer's Prayer".

The Hoaxer's Prayer

Dear Michael who isn't in Heaven
Copyrighted be they name
The MJ estate come
Injustices will be done
In the courts as well as the media
Give us Bamsday
Plus our daily clue
And forgive Jermaine's singing
As we forgive Jason Malachi
Lead us not down the yellow brick road
But deliver us from Sony
For your income supports
Your whole family
forever. Heehee.

Harvey Levin, of TMZ fame, said: "I told you it was all religious. You think it was all coincidence when we released news stories? But nobody would listen. TMZ did the exclusive of this Hoaxer's Prayer earlier this week. Read your Bible; Jeremiah 11:8. It is there - I will bring upon them the words of this covenant."

The Catholic church has already reacted to the discovery of the scrolls. The Pope said: "Oh come on it is pure plagiarism. We have the Bible and these scrolls turn up and we are meant to question God and Jesus? No, it is not right. What next, Pope Joe Jackson the First? The Catholic church denounces these scrolls as the work of the Devil; maybe Jermaine himself created them. Just because Jermaine uses no condoms, evident by his Child Support problems, does not make him a Catholic. We have sent a team of Bishops to investigate these scrolls further."

BREAKING NEWS: Just as this article was being published we learned that Oprah Winfrey has been arrested at the Jacksons Encino compound. Even though details are a little sketchy it is rumored she was stopped by security staff trying to place an 'Oprah Book Club' sticker on several of the scrolls. Reports from within the compound say she was unsuccessful.

Fragment of the Encino Scrolls depicting the "Hoaxer's Prayer"


Cuss Count: Pretty Low

Legal Notice: The Encino Scrolls is a work of fiction; it is merely satire. Nobody quoted really said anything. Oprah Winfrey was not arrested although she will put her 'Book Club' sticker on pretty much anything.


Christmas Is Coming

Tis the season to be jolly. And as usual the Jackson family are taking the opportunity to cash in on the holiday season. In association with QVC a selection of Jackson family inspired gifts will be making their way to many a hoaxers stocking this Christmas.

Buy them for yourself, family, and friends.

Jermaine Shoe Polish

Never worry about being caught in a tornado again. With Jermaine Shoe Polish your hair will withstand the onslaught of a force 5 tornado. This product has been thoroughly tested by Jermaine himself; and even made a brief appearance on TV in the UK Big Brother show. This 12oz tin can be yours for just $19.99.

Tito Clock

It's Tito time! And now thanks to the good people at ACME products it will always be Tito Time. Featuring Tito's trademark hat on the hands and the phrase "TITO TIME" on the face; you'll never miss another taco dinner again. This handmade clock can be yours for just $15.99.

Randy Candy

First there was Whoppers and then came Randys. The malted milk flavor you have come to love but each chocolate ball has been specially imprinted with Randy Jackson's face. Your friends will chuckle at first; but they are guaranteed to be the talking point of any party. Your guests will leave saying they have had Randy Jackson's balls in their mouth. This delightful candy treat can be yours for just $7.99.

Where's Michael?

The Big Book Of Where's Michael. Created, and authored, by Joe Jackson; and published by Harpo Publishing. This 77 page book will keep hoaxers and Michael Jackson fans alike enthralled for hours as they scour each page looking for Michael Jackson. Proceeds from the sale of this book will go to charity (Joe Jackson Legal Fund). This large book can be yours for the low low price of just $29.99.

Marlon Fence Panels

Show your opinion on any subject with the Marlon Jackson fence panels. These hand-crafted panels will show that you have no opinion on anything. If people ask if you are a believer or not you will be able to simply point at your luxurious fence. Each panel is 8' long by 6' high and produced in China. *SPECIAL OFFER* Buy 6 panels and get the 7th panel free. These panels can be yours for the great price of $58.99 each.

Joe Jackson Pimp Kit

You have seen him on TV. You have seen him in the magazines. Now you too can be Joe Jackson. This pimp kit has been designed with Joe Jackson's full support. Each kit includes: gold-plated chain, gold-plated and cubic zircon grill, a wooden cane with pewter handle, and a full 48oz pack of purple material dye. Once this kit is in your hand you will be able to leave the home in style; and be your local neighborhood pimp. This kit is for the man about town; and can be yours for just $79.99.

QVC spokesperson, Marvin Segel, said: "We have been working with the Jackson family on this line of gifts and expect to put a 2 hour show out later this month to highlight these quality products. These products are aimed at Michael Jackson fans and the hoaxers that are investigating the hoax theory that Michael Jackson is still alive; but they would make a wonderful gift for absolutely anyone."

Joe Jackson, who is heading this latest marketing campaign said to reporters: "Come on, we got to make money. Hell, Jermaine can't keep his pecker in his pants and Katherine is getting pretty tight about money. I think it is to do with her book not selling; we have 200,000 copies taking up my parking space in the garage at Encino. We have to be honest here, without my golden egg, Michael, this family hasn't got the talent to make a living so we need to bring money in somehow."

QVC has said although the schedule is not confirmed they expect the 2 hour special to air on November 25, 2010; with guaranteed Christmas delivery for all those that order while the show airs.


Cuss Count: Zero

Legal Notice: QVC and the Jackson family have nothing to do with these fictional products. Marvin Segel was a QVC spokesperson at some time according to Google but may have moved on by now. This post, as always, is satire. The cuss count was kept to zero because Nazis and fucktards were not mentioned in the post.


Katherine The Prankster

Katherine Jackson is slowly becoming the prankster of the Jackson family; as well as the matriarch.

In her latest prank she released Opus None to TMZ; which was later to be found was just another prank in a long line of pranks from Katherine.

An in-depth investigation reveals that Katherine's harmless pranks may just be getting out of hand; and the family has had enough.

Jermaine Jackson said: "Oh man, she can be pure evil sometimes. Last year I getting ready for a meeting to go and discuss financial backing for the Vienna tribute for Michael I was planning. I was running a little late and wasn't paying too much attention. I got ready in time but something didn't feel right - but I had no time to dwell on it. Well as I was driving my cell phone rang. I pulled over to the side as I answered it. It was my Mom; Katherine. She asked me how I was and I told her I was fine but in a rush. Then she just started laughing. I asked her what was funny but she just continued laughing. Well, I was looking in the rear view mirror, as I always do, and I went to run my fingers through my hair and it was like concrete - even harder than it usually is. I asked Mom why she was laughing and eventually she said she had swapped my hair gel for wood glue. She was still laughing when I hung up on her. Luckily, she didn't see the tears in my eyes or the pain in my heart."

Jermaine may not think it but he has got off lightly. Joe Jackson claims he is the target of many of Katherine's pranks:

"Damn that bitch. She's always fucking with my head. There are some days I don't know what to do. Last night is a perfect example. I'd brought this young woman home. Now don't be reading anything in to that - I'm promoting her. Well we went up to my bedroom, because I had left some papers up there, and this young woman says she is going to slip in to something a 'little more comfortable'. So, she goes in the room next door. Well, while she was gone I slipped in to my purple, silk, nightgown, took a little pill, and awaited her return. About 5 minutes later the door opens and she is standing there in Katherine's blue outfit, you know the one, well Viagra can only do so much. I saw that outfit and my 'little soldier' retreated. I could hear Katherine laughing her ass off in the room next door. I had to let the young woman go. See, Katherine doesn't realize the consequences of her pranks."

Katherine's pranks are not limited to just family members. Recently, Harvey Levin, of TMZ fame, recounted a story from a New Year's Eve party both he and Katherine attended. Harvey said: "It was back in 2004, and I was at this party in California. When it hit midnight everyone started the usual kissing of anybody that was about. I found myself in front of Katherine so I leaned forward to kiss her. I closed my eyes, and went for the kiss, and just as our lips met I felt Katherine's beard. I opened my eyes, in shock, but was even more in shock when I realized it was Arnie Klein I was kissing. Katherine was stood back a bit and laughing so hard she was holding on to Randy for support."

Asking Katherine about her pranks she just smiled and said "Jehovah forgives. It is all in good fun. I remember once Michael came over and he was trying to talk to me all serious so I suggested we go sit in the living room; where it is more comfortable. I sat on the couch and was seated so Michael had to sit on a particular chair. When he sat down the whoopee cushion made this awful farting sound. Michael jumped in such surprise that the chair tipped back and he fell on the floor. He was so angry for a few seconds, then he smiled, then he started laughing."

She continued "I think my best prank to date has been at the Kingdom Hall. One Saturday night I went in the Kingdom Hall and put up a few crucifixes. The next day you should have seen the Witnesses faces. I don't know how I managed to keep a straight face."

Although most of Katherine's pranks are harmless it would appear that there are legal implications to some of her pranks. Brian Oxman, attorney and friend of Joe Jackson, said "It amazes me how the media doesn't get a hold of some of these stories. But the legal implications of some of her pranks are crazy. Like when she drained Jermaine's brakes on his car. If he'd of died in a bad crash she would have had a murder charge against her. Luckily Jermaine only hit one of Oprah's production vehicles. So nothing was done. But one day I swear we will see Katherine in court on charges."

Not everyone is excited about Katherine's pranks. Some of the staff have complained. One of the bodyguards, who wished not to be named, stated: "One day I was walking through the house and I heard Katherine scream. I drew my gun and ran to where the scream came from. Katherine was sitting there with a stopwatch, laughing, and said it took me 23.21 seconds to get there she could of been dead by now. Well as I left the room, she shot me in the ass with a BB gun. It left a nasty bruise. I complained to my supervisor, but he just laughed. Somebody has to stop this sick woman."

Although Michael's kids refused to officially comment. When Katherine's pranks was mentioned to Blanket he just curled up in the fetal position and started whimpering.

So with Katherine being the prankster of the Jacksons what will her next joke be? Could we see This Is It 2 coming from Katherine as she laughs? Who knows. But all that is known is that as long as Katherine keeps pulling pranks it'll be exciting.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: This post is satire. Not all of the accounts, memories, or quotes may be truthful. Other than MJHDC nobody had anything to do with this post. If linking to this post remember it was created as satire; and as such may not be 100% truthful.


Question Time

Well Tomorrow, or today depending which time zone you are in, I will be questioned by all the Twitter, Facebook, and MySpace users. Actually if you are reading this post after November 3, 2010 you already missed it so not much point in reading the next paragraph.

The question time will be held at 10.00PM EST and will last as long as is needed. Any question can be asked just don't fucking whine like a 2-bit cunt if you don't like the answer. The question time will be held in http://TinyChat.com/MJConspiracy which will mean everyone has to sign in with either a Twitter, Facebook, or Myspace account.


Cuss Count: Minimum

Legal Notice: None required - it is just a blatant notice (or advertisement) for an event.