Grow A Set Of Balls Jermaine

According to TMZ on 9/26/2010 Jermaine Jackson is broke; well almost broke as he gets $892.75 a month. And because he is allegedly is strapped for cash the whining bag of shit wants his child support reduced.

Now Jermaine claims that his last earnings was back in 2007 for a spot on Big Brother, in the United Kingdom, for which he got $450,000.

Well, the lying bastard seems to have forgot all the money earned from various interviews he has done since June 25, 2009. You don't think he did them for free do you? He also seems to have forgot a series on A&E TV called "The Jack5ons - A Family Dynasty". He also forgot he did a show called "Move Like Michael Jackson" which was in various countries including United Kingdom and the Netherlands. And he forgot he has some royalty checks coming in for the Jackson 5.

There supposedly is some question about the Jackson 5 royalty checks. But if that is the case he should stop trying to dodge his responsibilities by going to court to have his child support reduced; and join the rest of the Jackson clan in going to court to get money from the estate.

But forgetting the royalty checks, from TV appearances alone he would have made about a million dollars over the last three years. Which would be $333,333.33 a year; or $27,777.78 a month. Paying $3,000 out of that still leaves him with $24,777.78 a month.

What the fuck is wrong with the Jackson family? Katherine can't survive on $26,000 a month and Jermaine is saying he can't afford child support because he is broke.

Here is some advice - learn to fucking budget. Katherine if you can't survive on $26,000 a month get rid of some of the fucking leeches that are living with you and you are paying for. The trust fund that Michael set up was for you and HIS kids; not Jermaine's kids, Jermaine's wife and all the others that for one reason and another have been unable to actually support themselves.

Jermaine the only advice to offer you is to budget better for a start. How much did you spend taking flights to various countries for failed tributes? If you can't survive on $24,000 a month you need to budget more. You say you can't afford child support but you live in a mansion and wear all designer clothes. Welcome to the real world. You pay your fucking bills before you go splashing money about. And if the entertainment industry is not paying you enough - too fucking bad. Time to get your lazy fucking ass out and do a real job.

In a time when unemployment in the US is high, people are losing their homes, people are budgeting because they just don't have the money to waste it makes me fucking sick that these people are fucking complaining about having to live on in excess of $20,000 a month each.

How does Jermaine think Joe Jackson managed when he was working as a crane operator for US Steel while his wife, Katherine, tended to the kids?

Whether these people know, or think, Michael faked his death, or is indeed dead, they need to take a look at the real world and see how life is in that real world because they sure as hell cannot afford their own luxury fantasy world.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: Jermaine is a whining shit that needs to let go of his mother's apron strings, grow a set of balls, and actually be a man; and act like a man. This post for a change is not satire. Scarily enough it is true.


Conrad Murray's New Book

At a crowded press conference, sponsored by Barnes & Noble and AstraZeneca, held in downtown Los Angeles, Conrad Murray signed, and publicized his new book entitled "How I Killed Michael Jackson".

Although the publishers of the book, Random House Inc, were quick to point out that the book is a work of fiction and not based on fact or any events which may seem similar.

Speaking for Random House Inc. Stuart Applebaum had this to say: "We have worked with Conrad heavily on this book to ensure that it does not in any way, shape, or form, look like Conrad Murray is actually admitting guilt. The book is a work of fiction, which by it's very definition means that it is a literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact. Random House are in no way trying to decide the fate of Conrad Murray."

Conrad Murray, who appeared to be a bit worse for wear from alcohol consumption, had this to say: "Everyone is writing books about Michael Jackson so why not me? I got kids to pay for, legal bills, and I have a large tab at the Club Paradise strip club. This book doesn't mean I am guilty at all, it is just if I did do it this is how I would have done it. Hell, OJ Simpson wrote a book called If I Did It and that sold loads of copies. I'm just trying to get my slice of the pie. I have had just about enough of all these Justice4MJ people standing outside court insulting me as I enter and leave. This is basically saying shut the hell up and leave me alone. I don't stand outside their house shouting insults at them every time they come and go; so they should be paying me the same courtesy."

The family of Michael Jackson are outraged at the book and have so far refused to comment. Although Joe Jackson, father of Michael Jackson, did release a statement:

"The family as a whole are outraged by this book. Nobody in their right mind would even think of writing such a book while a criminal trial is taking place. But on the other hand I see it from Conrad's point of view too - a brother has got to make money. The man has got bills just like the rest of us and he has to pay those bills. We have all done something we are not proud of to make sure there is food on the plate. I remember one time, back in Indiana, we was poor and Michael wasn't the golden egg yet, I had to pimp Katherine out. Oh you should have seen those drunk sailors lining up trying to convert her away from Jehovah. Man, that was a sight."

Abigail Baron, spokesperson for AstraZeneca, said: "As one of the leading pharmaceutical companies in the world we cannot condone what this book says about medications. Basically it says pump someone full of our product and they will die. But at the same time any publicity is good publicity for our product."

One of the chilling paragraphs in the book reads:

"I went into the room and saw Michael dying. I decided to call a few people. I spoke to the pastor of my church and he reminded me that I should update my Facebook status. As I put the phone down I looked down at the bed, noting to myself how soft and comfy it looked, and I thought if I ever do CPR I could really mess it up by doing it on the bed. As I stood watching Michael slowly slip away, a bodyguard entered the room and started dialing 911. I had to stall him, I couldn't let my weeks of planning go to waste. I told the bodyguard to tell the 911 operator I was a doctor - he didn't know that I was actually a vet."

The book is expected to have an international release in time for Christmas; although no date has been fixed as of yet.


Cuss Count: None

Legal Notice: This book does not exist, and most likely never will exist. Barnes & Noble, AstraZeneca, Conrad Murray, The Jackson Family, Joe Jackson and the Club Paradise Strip Club have nothing to do with this non-existent book. This post is merely satire, possibly in poor taste, but still satire. And on the plus side it doesn't mention Nazi lesbians, gay clowns, the number 7, or the Illuminati.


Is Google In On The Hoax?

Sometimes things get pretty fucked up. Latoya will tweet something and it will be taken as gospel; or Jermaine will say something and that is taken as fact. Hell, Kenny Ortega tweeted a ton of shit just to sell a movie and people read it may mean something.

But the search engine with all the answers may in fact know all the answers to the hoax. Type in any question and Google has an answer. So if we are expected to take the word of Latoya, Jermaine, Ortega, or even Dave Dave, then why can we not accept the answer of Google?

Google was asked a series of questions and the first two results (with sponsored results removed, and SafeSearch turned off) were used as the answer.

Google was asked: "Is Michael Jackson alive or dead?" And the 1st result was "Michael Jackson may be alive" quoting MichaelJacksonSightings.com. The 2nd result was "Michael Jackson is alive" quoting DerekClontz.com.

Google was asked: "Is Michael Jackson's middle name Joe or Joseph?" The 1st result was "The parent name on the birth certificates is Joseph." quoting mjkit.forumotion.net. The 2nd result was "I've always thought that his middle name is Joseph but on some legal papers it says Michael Joe Jackson." quoting MichaelJackson.com.

Google was asked: "Is Joe Jackson in it for the money?" The 1st result was "Joe Jackson denied bid for Michael's money." quoting HuffingtonPost.com. The 2nd result was "Joe Jackson needs some pocket money from his dead son." quoting HecklerSpray.com

Google was asked: "Is Conrad Murray innocent?" The 1st result was "Conrad Murray is innocent." quoting TubboTwins.Wordpress.com. The 2nd result was "Dr. Conrad Murray Innocent or Guilty?" quoting InsideAccess411.Blogspot.com.

Google was asked: "Is Jeramine Jackson's hair greasy?" The 1st result was "Homeboy looks like he's been bathing in hair grease." quoting Bossip.com. The 2nd result was "Why is Jermaine Jackson face and hair so greasy?" quoting Yahoo.com

Google was asked: "Are Souza and Mo lesbians?" The 1st result was "Souza and Mo have never admitted being lesbians." quoting MJHDConspiracy.Blogspot.com. The 2nd result was "Lesbian should not have been discharged." quoting AOL.com.

So from a few questions we can pretty much say that Google thinks Michael Jackson is alive. Google isn't sure on the middle name of Michael Jackson. Google thinks Joe Jackson is in it purely for the money and Conrad Murray is innocent.

On the lighter side, Google thinks Jermaine Jackson's hair is too greasy, and there is a high likelihood that Souza and Mo are lesbians.


Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: Google had nothing to do with this post other than being abused as a search engine. Under no circumstances do the results of a search engine portray the thoughts and beliefs of Google Inc. This post is not meant to be seen as research; merely humor.


Arnie Klein: Saint Or Sinner?

In an exclusive interview I questioned the one time dermatologist of Michael Jackson, Arnie Klein, about the way he has injected himself into the whole media circus that has sprung up since Michael Jackson's reported death on June 25, 2009.

MJHDC: Thanks for doing this Mr. Klein.
Arnie: It is Dr. Klein, please use my correct title.
MJHDC: OK, will do Arnie.
Arnie: No, Dr. Klein.
MJHDC: Yeah. Anyway Arnie you have been in the media since June 2009. Most obvious question is why?
Arnie: Well as a close, and good, friend of Michael it is obvious my opinion counts on some of the things that the media has reported on.
MJHDC: Close? You were his dermatologist. Hardly makes you best friends.
Arnie: OK Doggie, let me just set the record straight once and for all. I was Michael's dermatologist, but I was also a close friend. It was at my office that he met Debbie Rowe. And she gave him 2 beautiful kids.
MJHDC: And he gave her a ton of cash to get her fucking ugly ass lost. So what is your point Arnie?
Arnie: You, and all these dumb hoax people just don't get it. Think about it and all starts to make sense. If you all stopped counting stupid numbers you may find the truth rather than following the distractions from people with other agendas.
MJHDC: You trying to say something there Arnie?
Arnie: Look, it is Arnold, and do I know something - you are goddamn right I know stuff. Stuff that would turn Harvey Levin straight he'd be so excited.
MJHDC: You ever slept with Harvey? Actually don't answer that. So what is so important; and what can you tell us?
Arnie: Oh no you didn't. (laughs) well actually me and Harvey have dated a few times.
MJHDC: Whoa there Arnie. Way too much information. Stick to the topic. What can you tell us?
Arnie: Oh you think you know shit. You know fucking jack. You and all the little hoaxers have me pegged as some cash-grabbing faggot that is only in the media for profit.
MJHDC: Close enough although you forgot the 'bug-eyed cunt' bit usually associated with you.
Arnie: Well fuck that. I know more than you. Who the fuck do you think planned this with Michael?
MJHDC: Excuse me? You saying you helped Michael fake his death?
Arnie: You are damn right there for once.
MJHDC: Arnie, you sure you are not on some sort of medication?
Arnie: Look at the facts. Just look at the facts. I haven't been able to speak about it because of various things happening. But now Katherine has her lawsuit out there I can mention it.
MJHDC: Mention what? This better not be some bullshit about Michael and Jason Pfeiffer again.
Arnie: No. That was a distraction. Why do you think there was no photos of just Jason and Michael? I'll tell you why. It is because it was bullshit. A lie. Something to keep the media busy.
MJHDC: So you are saying Jason, who looks like he could be your love child, never had a relationship with Michael?
Arnie: Of course not! Michael wasn't a homosexual. It was a smoke screen to keep the media looking in one direction while something happened. Make them look one way while in the other direction something really important is happening. Michael is playing the media like a magician plays the audience.
MJHDC: OK, let me get this straight. Not only did you help Michael fake his own death you are in contact with him still?
Arnie: Of course. Let me tell you something that even your little brain can handle.
MJHDC: Easy there Arnie. I'll be editing this. I can make you look real bad.
Arnie: Just listen. AEG hires that clown Murray, and says Michael can only see him. Then on June 18 they have a big meeting. Well Michael visited me on June 18. He knew the meeting was coming. Look at the fake autopsy report that was put out. All those meds from me, and none were taken. Want to know why?
MJHDC: Sure. Please do tell.
Arnie: Because they were just a cover. Michael wasn't seeing me as a doctor he was seeing me as a friend. We were planning the whole hoax. Hell if it wasn't for me there would be no hoax.
MJHDC: So what about all the money problems you are having Arnie? With a friend like Michael you should be free of money problems.
Arnie: Don't be stupid. Don't buy into the bullshit. You are smarter than that. Michael can't touch his own money. Why do you think it is going to his Mom and kids. The people he can trust not to waste it. But the problem is he can't touch it. Nobody is going to accept a check signed by Michael when he is supposed to be dead.
MJHDC: Arnie, you have the Bank of America wanting their million dollars back. You are selling some car, using Michael's name as advertising. You are crying about some jacket. And you'll speak to anyone for the right amount of cash.
Arnie: And do you think getting Michael out of the US was cheap? Remember Jermaine said airport instead of hospital. That was the truth. Check the LAX schedule for that day. Only one aircraft with with an 'unknown' status. And where did that go? Mexico. And then think back there was a Mexican at an airport saying he saw Michael, all that costs money. The plane, paying for someone to remain silent, keeping Jermaine in Jheri Curl products. That's why I need the money. Think about it.
MJHDC: OK so you are saying you got Michael out of the country to Mexico. So why does Jermaine hate you; I believe he said 'Fuck Arnie Klein he is full of shit."?
Arnie: Jermaine sometimes forgets what he is meant to say. I actually spoke with him the other day concerning another matter. But yeah, after that whole Michael is gay thing, I called him up and explained why that was said he was cool about it. We actually joked about it after that.
MJHDC: Apart from a couple of possible links to you have you actually got any real evidence?
Arnie: Look I don't need to prove myself to you or anyone else. But let me leave you with one last thought that you can mull over. If AEG was going to take the Sony/ATV catalog for Michael breaching his contract why did he continue to come to my office knowing that was at risk?
MJHDC: Well I don't really know.
Arnie: Exactly, you and every other person know nothing about what happened. You can guess this and guess that but you know shit. Edit this fucking interview any way you want. I know the truth. Actually this fucking interview is over.
MJHDC: OK. Thanks. Have fun with Jason.
Arnie: Fuck you.


Cuss Count: Medium

Legal Notice: Arnie Klein had nothing to do with this post. Please do not link to this post saying it is a real interview it is merely satire. There is no evidence that Jermaine uses Jheri Curl products although Arnie, Harvey, and Pfeiffer are all homosexuals. Finally this post has no connection with a previous post entitled: Badkolo - Saint Or Sinner. There is no connection other than homosexuality.


Where Are The Aliens?

"Think for yourself man don't do like they do, it's a sick world, you just gotta stay true. Stay true and everything will be cool, you gotta blaze ya own trails and make ya own moves." - Kottonmouth Kings (from the track Think 4 Yourself)

With almost 15 months since the alleged death of Michael Jackson it is sometimes a wonder that the hoax is still alive in any form. And what about the people who are only now starting to look into the whole mess that surrounds the alleged death of Michael Jackson; what the fuck are they walking in to?

Looking at the hoax right now you have the Nazi lesbians and Moora (not a spelling mistake - just a cow joke) pointing to the whole Illuminati theory. But the Illuminati theory in reality suggests that Michael Jackson is dead. So do the Nazi lesbians and Moora, among others, think that Michael Jackson is dead and didn't hoax his death? Looking at the supposed facts you cannot have it both ways. Let us take a trip down insanity lane and look at the Illuminati theory and the fact it has more holes than Bumkolo's cock has been in.

They allege that the Illuminati is this all-powerful group that control world politics, money, and governments. There is no denying that there is indeed a clandestine group working behind the global monetary, and political, scene. So that bit stands up.

They allege that Michael Jackson faked his death due to threats of death from the Illuminati. That bit doesn't stand up if you have this group controlling the world. Michael Jackson hides where from this group that is controlling the entire world?

Michael Jackson, and the Jackson family, as a whole are nothing more than a speck of dust when considering the world population of 7 billion people. So how is it that Michael Jackson can fake his death and hide from the Illuminati? He can't get help from any government body seems the Illuminati control the governments. So it is Michael Jackson against the Illuminati.

Michael Jackson has a ton of money at his disposal. This bit is true. But when considering how much money a group that controls the entire world has; it fades into an insignificant amount that Michael Jackson has at his disposal.

So which bit are people meant to believe? Michael Jackson, a single person has outwitted the entire Illuminati and all the people that they control. Or are we expected to believe that the Illuminati is not that powerful and is merely a myth?

You cannot have it both ways. It is just not possible. But that is just my opinion on the whole Illuminati theory bullshit.

But bullshit is where the hoax is living right now. You have various people putting forth ideas that have no real basis, or if there is a thread of plausibility in their idea they create drama around their idea which then makes their idea look worse rather than better. Not that their idea was that bad, but unable to get people to come to their idea as quick as they would like they create drama to get people there quicker; which has the negative effect that they look like some crack whore jonesing for a fix of attention.

Then if it isn't bad enough that some of the once good investigators have gone off on lunatic theories and ideas which have no basis other than some magical mathematical formula worthy of a cryptographer's wet dream you have all the bullshit artists faking it at being Michael Jackson.

You have the fucking lame ass Leahcim group with their great discovery that Michael Jackson was in a coma and is now in a clinic. And the first thing he does after awaking from the coma is dance in a grainy black and white security video.

You have some crazy calling themself thedocsaid claiming that Michael Jackson is dying from some disease that cannot be named. But he has no medical experience to say what it is or anything. Very reminiscent of Moora watching a video that nobody else could see, and not being able to say where it came from. And then when Moora was questioned about it she threw a hissy fit worthy of an oscar and changed accounts.

That is the thing with all the bullshit artists - they get questioned on their outlandish claims and they disappear into Never Never To Be Seen Land, and come back with a new name, a new account, and hope that people forget the bullshit they pulled before.

So where does that leave the hoax at present? In the fucking gutter looking like some rape victim that was abused and used by a bunch of egotistical cunts that used it to further their own ideas. If I hadn't been involved in the whole hoax since the beginning and was just discovering it - thanks to some of the more outlandish claims made by certain people I'd be thinking that most of the hoaxers were fucked up on some sort of drug waiting for Michael Jackson to come back with an alien under one arm and Elvis under the other.

The hoax needs to go back to investigating and not being lead blindly by some bullshit someone else tweeted. And the only way to do that is not give the bullshit artists and the egotistical monkey-fucking dumbasses the attention they need to make it through another day. I don't give a fuck if Moora got breastfed as a kid or not. She's acting like some controlling fucking freak that is giving the Nazis a run for their money.

So the hoaxers as a whole need to decide if they want to look like serious investigators or if they want to look like a bunch of tin foil wearing, drugged up to the eyeballs, crackpots.

Because if you ever want the rest of the world to take the hoax seriously you need to weed out the fucking crackheads that are giving it the illusion of being an idea even Alex Jones would toss into the garbage. Only the hoaxers can make it a possibility that people want to look at. Not Nazi lesbians acting like media whores, not Moora who wants to control everything, and not even a bulldog that has a mouth that makes the sewers look clean.

So if you want to be able to hold your head up, and say I am a hoaxer, only you can change the shape, and the future, of the hoax.

Cuss Count: High

Legal Notice: Nazi lesbians and the names Moora and Bumkolo were used as examples and any similarity to Nazi lesbians, control freaks, and gay clowns involved in the hoax is purely coincidental. As always this post is an opinion; and merely an opinion. The Kottonmouth Kings were using the "Think 4 Yourself" since 2007 which is 2 years before some lame ass pussy cat started using it.


Now Thats What I Call MJHD 2

Sony/ATV announced at a press conference today, in Los Angeles, the forthcoming album entitled "Now Thats What I call MJHD 2". The album is expected to go on sale on late October.

Jimmy Asci, a spokesman for Sony/ATV Music Publishing made the following statement: "After the success of Now Thats What I Call MJHD at various rummage sales, and garage sales, around the world; it was only inevitable that there would be a second album which Sony can make money off. But this time it is different, no really it is, we are releasing this as a mark of respect to say thanks to the people that have kept the hoax alive."

The album, produced by Sony, has the Executive Producers listed as Kenny Ortega, Michael Jackson, and Joe Jackson. The trio worked with some of the biggest names in both the music industry and the remix world to produce an album that will be in the stores just in time for Christmas.

Track Listing

01. Motorhead - The Game (Sony Scam Mix)
02. Electric Six - Gay Bar (Badkolo Bum Rush Mix)
03. Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out? (MJHDC Cuss Mix)
04. Eminem - Without Me (MJ Still Hidden Mix)
05. Babylon Zoo - All The Money's Gone (Jermaine Tribute Mix)
06. C&C Music Factory - Things That Make You Go Hmm (Brian Oxman Dirty Mix)
07. Britney Spears - Circus (Memorial Mix)
08. Jackson 5 - ABC (Keep It Simple Stupid Mix)
09. Yello - The Race (Nephew Ride Mix)
10. Kanye West - Gold Digger (Debbie Rowe Purse Mix)
11. Thompson Twins - We Are Detectives (Hoaxers United Mix)
12. Dope - Die Motherfucker Die (Justice4MJ Mix)
13. Snap - The Power (Illuminati nWo Mix)
14. Aqua - Roses Are Red (.NET Mix)

I sat with the trio to discuss the album.

Joe: Let me start by saying it is not just a Christmas album. It is also a great album for Hanukkah. Jews have money too. Actually think of any religious time and this album will enhance it. Maybe not the Jews. I heard they were tighter than Katherine with money. Hell all that money and she keeps wearing the same shit day in and day out.
Michael: Dad! That is just not right. The album is for everyone.
Joe: Yeah, everyone with $17 in their pocket. And don't be putting it on iTunes. One fucker buys it and then passes it on to everyone. Never did that shit with 8 tracks.
Kenny: Sorry, what was that? I was tweeting.
Joe: Aww hell, see the shit I have to put up with. If that boy was mine he'd have more respect I'd beat it in to him.
Kenny: This album will be available on iTunes at the time of release.
Joe: Fuck. Might as well stand outside, on the corner, giving it away. I aint going to make money out of this.
MJHDC: So there are some tracks on the album people may not have considered. Why those tracks?
Michael: A diverse set of tracks were considered. We chose these final tracks because we all felt they represented what the album was about most.
Joe: What? Represent what? Gay clowns, lesbians, flowers, and your lazy brother Jermaine. What does the represent? It is bullshit that Sony hopes will sell enough to make us all rich.
Kenny: That is funny. Let me tweet it.
Joe: Why did your parents let you live?
Kenny: Sorry, I was tweeting. What was that?
Joe: Never mind.
MJHDC: There is one track on the album, Motorhead - The Game (Sony Scam Mix), how did that make it pass Sony?
Michael: Sony gave us full rights and full discretion. And my father met with Sony and explained once the final tracks were ready. And they were happy with the choices we made.
Joe: You believe that fucking shit if you want Michael. The truth is I had a list which was edited for Sony's approval. We had the track listed as Sonny Scam Mix and I said it was a tribute to Sonny and Cher. Dumb fucks fell for that shit. When it went to the printers the real version was in place. I pulled the wool over Sony's eyes big time. Years of practice as a pimp paid off.
Michael: But Dad that is being less than honest. We should always be honest. That is part of my message to the world.
Joe: Messages to the world don't put food on the table.
Kenny: I like that. I'll tweet it.
Michael: Kenny can you put your phone down just for a few minutes?
Kenny: Let me just tweet a BRB to my followers.
Joe: Give me that fucking phone. (grabs phone) You'll get it back when we are done.
Kenny: (crying) That is not fair.
Joe: Nor is the hair on my ass. Here's a quarter call someone who cares. By the way you owe me a dollar I have to put interest on.
Michael: (giggling) He used to do that with me when I got an allowance. I'm still paying the interest.
MJHDC: So Michael when will the hoax be over?
Michael: Well right now I've been reading all the numerology about the hoax. And I'll make my comeback once it is all proven to be wrong. Its kind of like the second coming of Jesus - you can't predict it. But don't read any religious sentiments into that.
Joe: Let me interrupt. You run a shitty ass blog right?
MJHDC: Well it is a blog. Not sure about the shitty bit though.
Joe: Well anyway. You think my golden egg is going to give some exclusive to a shitty blog? And he doesn't know when he'll be back. I decide shit like that. I made him I can do it again whenever I feel like it. And he won't be back until the wrongful death lawsuit is settled. I got to get my money first.
Kenny: Can I get my phone back?
Joe: No.
Kenny: Well in that case, I'd just like to add that Michael will be returning. And we have started work on a second film. Kind of like This Is It but funnier. Think of it as This Is It meets Benny Hill. It is called Hoax This!
Joe: Will you shut the fuck up. I'm going to beat your ass if you say anything else. Who let this white boy get involved?
MJHDC: Well thanks for talking with me. Any messages or that for the fans?
Joe: Yeah buy more Jackson shit. I don't give a fuck if Michael, Marlon, or even Jermaine did it. Just keep buying that stuff so I get my cut. I got suits to buy. Young women to impress. You think Katherine puts out? Hell, only if you take a Watchtower first.
Michael: I'd just like to thank the fans for their continued support and belief in me. I'll see you all soon. And remember I love you more.
Kenny: Can I have my phone back now?
Joe: For $20 you can. Hang on you got a call. I'll answer it for $5.

The album Now Thats What I Call MJHD 2 is expected to be the stocking filler that all hoaxers will be asking for.


Cuss Count: High

Legal Notice: Nobody, except MJHDC, had anything to do with this post. If you think it is real you may want to seek help. Michael, Joe, and Kenny may be teaming up as the new Three Stooges for a run on Broadway; but that is unconfirmed. Please note this post is satire.


Various People Speak About The Hoax

To finalize the short series of Famous people that have discussed the hoax on this here blog.

However some of the people either didn't reply or their reply was so short it wasn't worth a post all of it's own. So here are the ones that nearly got away.

Joe Jackson: "Michael is alive. I know this. We just looking after his kids; like we look after Jermaine's kids. Hell, this wrongful death lawsuit that is just a scam for money."

God: "Michael Jackson? It is Sunday - I am resting. Call my people and we'll arrange something."

Elvis: "Look man, Michael faked his death. I gave him some pointers but that is it. No double bamsday. I'm too busy with my show in Vegas and working at Wal*Mart."

Jermaine Jackson: "Of course Michael is dead. It is my time now. I can step out of the shadow. It is Jermaine Jackson time!"

Tito Jackson: "Where is my taco?"

Sigmund Freud: "Michael Jackson did what he did as he has 'mother issues'. All of his actions can be traced back to that."

Larry King: "He's still dead you know. But seriously he is alive. Hey do you follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Skype, Buzz, or LinkedIn?"

Pearl Jr: "He's alive. Did you buy my e-book? No wait, wait, let me give you the link."

Rick Astley: "LOL. He's just rickrolling you big time."

Michael Jackson: "Am I alive? Of Course I am silly. Hee hee."

Souza of MJDHI: "Michael who? It is all about the Illuminati. They control us. They control all of us."

Badkolo of MJDHI: "He's alive. But I'm only in this hoax for the 'Gold Pants' threads."

Maura: It's not about Michael it is about his message. He is not important it is all about the message."

LadyMedic: "Dead or alive? Don't question me. I am qualified. Whatever I say is right. Don't question me I said."

Lara of MJHD.NET: "I'm sorry Lara is not here right now. If you would like to leave a message please speak after the tone."

Kate Gosselin: "Well, with Jon out of the picture I'm looking for a man. Mike And Kate Plus Eight has a certain ring to it."

Cuss Count: NONE

Legal Notice: None of these people, other than God, actually spoke to me. This post is satire - well sort of. It is very broadly satire. Some may class it as drivel.


Adolf Hitler Speaks About The Hoax

Continuing the series in famous, and infamous, guest authors we have Adolf Hitler ...

Nein, nein, nein Michael Jackson ist nicht tot ... Oh you want this in English? OK let me start again.

Hello, my name is Adolf Hitler. Some of you may remember me from World War II. Let me get one thing straight; well maybe two things. Firstly, I am the Furher that you are thinking of. Secondly I too faked my death. The bunker - no body. It was just a cover story. I turned witness for the allied forces at Nuremberg and made sure that the real crazy, sick, people, my commanders, were all punished for their insubordination which you consider war crimes.

I am really not as bad as the press made me out to be. They only showed you what they wanted you to see. When I was at the synagogue soup kitchen serving meals to the Jewish people the press was nowhere to be seen.

I have followed the hoax for the last 15 months and I am not sure if it is a hoax or not. Many things do not add up in my mind. There are various things which do not make sense to me. But I see things differently to many others.

Why would Michael Jackson allow some of the things to be said to go unpunished? Jason Pfieffer, the bastard child of Arnie Klien, alleges in his propaganda that he was the homosexual lover of Michael Jackson. Why does Michael Jackson not step out of the shadows and ensure that Jason Pfieffer is sent to the gas chambers where he belongs?

Also, why is Michael Jackson allowing his ugliest brother, Jermaine, to keep making plans for tributes? With Jermaine's involvement these are guaranteed to fail. I caught a couple of episodes of the Jackson Dynasty and in my opinion Jermaine whined, and cried, like a bitch. It kind of reminded me of Eva when I said we would die together. She took the pill and I did not. She complained for a whole four minutes before the pill took effect.

I have been reading the forums and blogs on the Internet concerning the hoax. I do not understand how the admins of MJDHI can be classed as Nazis. Yes, they are rude to people and very controlling. And yes they spread their own twisted propaganda in their spam campaigns. But they are Dutch, and lesbians, this would never have been allowed. Please stop ruining the good name of the Nazis by associating it with this worthless garbage. The Nazis are not as bad as the lesbians, with their gay clown, we are proud people and would not degrade ourselves to such a low level as MJDHI.

This is why I have my doubts about this all being a hoax. Michael Jackson allows all this bullshit to go on. I would never tolerate such things. If he is alive he should come forth and put all the liars, imposters, and rumor spreaders to death. You cannot allow insubordination to go unpunished - you must nip it in the bud.

But then other details make me think that Michael Jackson is alive. Death certificates. He has three. I killed many more people and I don't even have a single death certificate.

The autopsy report bothers me. An important medical document is given to the media and nobody is put to death for this breach of privacy. Maybe it is because the coroner, and some of his most trusted staff, are aware that the autopsy report is fake and that it was merely released to the press as propaganda.

Also, the expert who documented the drugs is an expert in Native American remains. With all the people in Los Angeles they could not find a drug expert to work on the autopsy of Michael Jackson? This part is really suspicious. The SS would never have allowed such obvious details to be incorrect. Many heads would have rolled if such an erroneous mistake was made.

But then Joe Jackson, a good friend of my friend Brian Oxman, has been allowed to pursue a wrongful death lawsuit against Conrad Murray. If the only proof they have is the autopsy report I see this failing. The autopsy report has many inaccuracies which a good defence lawyer will pick over. I suggest Brian Oxman goes on a smear campaign and ruins the good name of Conrad Murray. As my old friend Goering used to say: "If you paint a picture of a monster then people will see a monster."

As you can see with just the few details I have written about it is enough to make a Fuhrer's head spin. I don't know 100% either way if it is a hoax or not. But if it is not a hoax then Michael Jackson will live forever through his music, his influence, and his legacy.

Sieg Heil.

Cuss Count: Really Low

Legal Notice: Allowing Adolf Hitler to be a guest author in no way means that his views are supported. As this is obviously satire none of it should be taken seriously.


Usama Bin Laden Speaks About The Hoax

Continuing the series of guest authors discussing the hoax Usama Bin Laden...

Pay attention, this is the leader of the free world, Usama Bin Laden. Ensure you spell my name with an 'U' and not an 'O' you infidel pigs of the western world.

I am here today to tell you infidel scum that Mr. Michael Jackson is most definitely alive. Just like your lazy, stupid, army that cannot find me you will never find Mr. Michael Jackson as he has chosen to part himself from the madness that the Zionist media and so-called fans have created.

First, let me clear your weak infidel minds of a very important fact. Mr. Michael Jackson is not, and has never been, a Muslim. The Muslim people were unlucky enough to get Mr. Jermaine Jackson; the less talented one. And unbeknown to him I have arranged with the most gracious Allah that his 72 virgins are all male.

Now that your infidel minds have been cleared of one media lie I will enlighten you with regards to other media lies that your government has allowed to be spread so maliciously.

On the morning of June 25, 2009 Mr. Conrad Murray did indeed make telephone calls. One of these calls was to Abdul, a friend of mine, and Mr. Conrad Murray asked Abdul about hiding someone where nobody could find them. Abdul gave Mr. Conrad Murray various details, which I choose not to disclose to you infidels, which allowed Mr. Michael Jackson to slip away without the media knowing.

There is a Mr. Ben Evenstad who has made various claims about the alleged photograph in the ambulance knows what he has said is nothing but lies. And as such in my capacity as leader of the free world I have issued a jihad against this infidel photographer for his disgraceful, and most heinous, lies.

Some of you infidels have suggested that Mr. Michael Jackson is hiding at Neverland. I can assure you weak westerners that he is not here.

Also, some of your lesbian infidels have claimed that Mr. Elvis Presley may have something to do with a 'double bam'. In the words of the most honorable, and distinguished, Dr. Dre - "That is some serious bullshit motherfucker." This theory is laughable. When I read this I thought it was some kind of western humor. However, when the 'spam the media' campaign began I issued a fatwa against these lesbians for their hurtful, and stupid, lies. Mr. Elvis Presley has told me that he is not making a return.

As the western, if not the entire, world watched events on June 25, 2009 you saw only what the Zionist media wanted you to see. However, in this case the media were played as puppets as Mr. Michael Jackson, assisted by Mr. Conrad Murray, allowed the media to only see what he wanted them to see.

To truly understand the depth, and enormity, of this hoax you must free your mind of the media and government lies that have been fed to you for so long. You must look deep into yourselves for the real truth.

May Allah Be with you.

Cuss Count: Very Low

Legal Notice: Usama Bin Laden has never openly stated his position on the Michael Jackson hoax. This post is satire and as such no disrespect is meant to Muslims, lesbians, and male virgins.


Peter Griffin Speaks About The Hoax

In a new series of posts guest authors will be presenting the hoax as they see it. Not all the guests are believers in the hoax - each and every opinion is merely theirs...

Hi, my name is Peter Griffin you might remember me from such great shows as Family Guy and ... well that's it really. I've been following the hoax like a fat woman's eyes follow the dessert cart in a restaurant, but I have been doing it all stealth like a ninja, actually down at the Drunken Clam they call me the Hoax Ninja - but I don't have those stars to throw at people and stick them in the head.

Anyway I remember June 25, 2009 like it was yesterday. When I saw the news that Michael Jackson was dead I said to Lois, well actually I shouted to Lois as she was getting me a beer, "Holy crap! Michael Jackson has hoaxed his death." It wasn't too hard for me to believe because my uncle, Elvis Griffin, did the exact same thing - except his was to get out of paying a bar tab; and he came back 10 years later as a filipino prostitute.

But back to the hoax, there is no freaking way that was Michael Jackson in the ambulance. The big clues are:

1 - No sequined glove. He always wore it; even when he masturbated. I remember Lisa Marie Presley complaining to some reporter after the marriage that he never took it off and that the sequins hurt her boobs. Or was that something Quagmire told me? Anyway it definitely is true.

2 - He wasn't moonwalking. He moonwalked everywhere. I bet he would moonwalk to the shops if he ever went to buy another glove.

3 - No sirens. If I was Michael Jackson in an ambulance not only would I have the sirens on but the sirens would be playing "Beat It".

4 - Jermaine Jackson was nowhere to be seen. He'd of been in front of every camera going "I want to be like Michael, I want to be like Michael.", until he tried to moonwalk and slipped on the grease from his hair and fell under the ambulance and got all mashed up like a potato or maybe a yam.

And then at the hospital no nurses, in thin slinky white uniforms, on TV going "I just saw Michael Jackson naked and I touched him like I'm not meant to and stuff." like they do on the movies you can only watch at a motel so they don't go on your cable bill as long as register at the desk as Mr. Peter Smith. Come on, the King of Pop is lying naked on a bed and no nurse saw it. You have to be kidding me?

This Dr. Conrad Murray just isn't right either. Every time I see him I wonder what it would be like if Cleveland was Dr. Murray. Buying pills and things from Mort to use in ways only a black doctor would know how to use them. Cleveland would be so guilty he would be sharing a cell with Bubba, or Tyrone, and having man-sex for Twinkies. But Dr. Murray is all as cool as a cucumber going to strip clubs and watching young ladies undress, putting a dollar in their thong, telling them to spit on him and call him Killer. And then getting freaky after hours in the back of his car. I'd bet he wouldn't even pay the cover charge to get in. Just be all like "I'm Conrad Murray I can kill you in your sleep."

And don't even get me started on the funeral or memorial. Where the hell was Diana Ross? "Oh you can look after my kids if Mom is too busy looking after Jermaine and his kids, but don't bother coming to my funeral or anything. I know you are sooooooooo busy and that." It just doesn't make sense; and nobody in the media questions any of this crap. I know Channel 5 news aint the greatest but even that Asian chick Tricia Takanawa would have been suspicious. She'd of been asking "Where is Diana Ross?" And if she didn't Diane Simmons would of been all up in her face crying "Hey ask the questions or we deport you back to China and you'll walk the streets turning tricks for a couple of yen." But then Tom Tucker would be all defensive and stick up for Tricia and beat Diane up.

Well that's about all I have time for right now. I have to meet the guys down at The Clam. But trust me when I tell you that Michael Jackson is alive - he may be here in Quahog.

Cuss Count: None

Legal Notice: Peter Griffin is a fictional character. As such misrepresenting him doesn't really represent the basis of a lawsuit unless it was not done in satire as it was on the occasion.