10/30/2010

Thriller 2010

Back in 1982 Michael Jackson made Thriller, the title of the biggest selling album in the world, but would it have been such a success if it was made today - with things being a whole lot different?

Let us start with the movie they are watching at the cinema. In the movie Michael uses the cheesiest of all cheesy lines and says: "Honestly, we're out of gas." May have worked in a B-movie in 1982 but never going to work in a movie not even a B-movie in 2010. Then, also in the movie, Michael gives his date a ring in the park. Definitely never going to happen in 2010. He pulls out a ring, and some crack whore robs it to sell for a quick fix. Then finally in the movie Michael Jackson says "I'm not like other guys." No fucking shit Sherlock. Your best friend is a chimp for starters, and in a few years you will be setting up a theme park in your backyard. And the date is going to have two possible responses:
  • Response #1: "Yeah I know. I've read the newspapers. I'm not the fucking Al-Qaeda. I haven't been living in a cave."
  • Response #2: "Don't fucking try anything funny. I'm carrying Mace."
And when Michael turns into a werewolf, in the movie, his date isn't going to scream. Things have changed. She'll be standing there saying: "Ooh this reminds me of Twilight. Do you know any vampires? Are you Native American? Do you have a wolf pack? Do you get a monthly federal check? Ooh there is so many questions I want to ask."

Leaving the movie we have the first thing that would never survive in 2010 - Michael sitting eating popcorn. Yeah back in 1982 popcorn may have only been $1 at the cinema but that was then. 2010 that bucket of popcorn is going to set you back $6 at least. Chances are he'd do what everyone else does and smuggle some food he got from Wal*Mart into the cinema.

And while we are in "saving money mode" would he even be at the cinema? Highly unlikely. It is 2010 - illegal movie downloads are at an all-time high. No point paying to see it when you can download it for free. Watch it. And then sell copies to friends and family.

And even if he'd splashed the cash out to actually see the movie at the cinema - he wouldn't be watching the movie too much. He'd be doing what everyone does; tweeting. "Watching a movie at the cinema. $11 to get in. WTF is up with that?" And thanks to that tweet, someone would know he is not at home, and would be robbing his house blind. Welcome to 2010.

Leaving the cinema his date wouldn't be quiet. She would be complaining that the movie wasn't in 3D, the sound wasn't THX, the storyline sucked, and Michael spent too much of the movie tweeting and texting. Also as it is close to midnight they wouldn't be the only two people on the street at night. There would be a prostitute arguing with her pimp, a crack addict in the cinema doorway, and a homeless person pushing a cart and collecting cans.

Then Vincent Price starts rambling. Sorry, not going to happen in 2010. His voice would be too reminiscent of the old guy from Family Guy - Herbert. It'd be more like Anthony Hopkins in the character of Hannibal Lecter from Silence Of The Lambs.

And finally, when the zombies start appearing his date wouldn't just run. She's seen movies and played games. She'd pull a revolver out of the back of her jeans. Kill five zombies. Then using the last bullet she would take out the window of the hardware store; grab the chainsaw and go on a zombie killing spree racking up points and bonuses along the way.


Peace.

Cuss Count: Minimum

Legal Notice: None. Don't need one in any sense for a change.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

So that you think he can't move and get new ideas when the world move on?
If Michael do it in 21 century, he will still thrill you....
Now we only see something once were pioneer now become classical. Such as wine changed by time.
And people don't see it for thrilling, but see it for nostalgia.

Anonymous said...

LOL! You're so right! Especially the parts about the popcorn and the zombies made me laugh!

MJHD Conspiracy said...

Anonymous said: "So that you think he can't move and get new ideas when the world move on? If Michael do it in 21 century, he will still thrill you.... Now we only see something once were pioneer now become classical. Such as wine changed by time. And people don't see it for thrilling, but see it for nostalgia."

It wasn't meant to seem like I said MJ couldn't move with the times. Was just saying about the differences between 1982 and 2010. Obviously, he could change with the times with how his music evolved over time.

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