Do Not Fear The Illuminati

Some of the hoax related forums would want members to be shitting themselves that the all-powerful Illuminati is controlling everything and anything; and if you don't stand in line to be fucked by these elitist thugs you'll be wiped out quicker than a legal document containing the words "Conrad" and "AEG".

I've mentioned before in this blog that I really don't think that the Illuminati is as powerful as the legends, and urban myths, have made them. And I definitely don't believe they have anything to do with Michael Jackson faking his death.

But don't fear the Illuminati - beat the fucking evil bastards at their own game and set up a lodge all of your own. That will fix them; give them a bit of competition. And who knows maybe in a few months you could be deciding world monetary decisions and mind-controlling Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

First thing is first; think of a name for your lodge. Let us stay hoax related and use the name "The Grand Order Of Hoaxers". Not a great name, but it is just an example, and I didn't want to steal a good name just as an example.

Then you need a phrase which will identify your lodge from all the others. It doesn't matter what you think of because you have to translate it to Latin to give your lodge that feel that it has existed since the dawn of time. Not sure why the dead language, Latin, is used but it is. If it was a popularity decision I'd of chosen Chinese seems there are more people that know Chinese than Latin. But looking at all the other lodges online it seems Latin is the language of choice; and I didn't feel like upsetting the apple cart that much.

For The Grand Order of Hoaxers I chose the term "Truth, integrity, and liberty" which when the online translation was finished ended up as "Veritas, Integrias, Libertate". Leave well alone at this point. I decided to reverse the translation, and translate it back to English and got "Truly, Integrity and Liberty". On this point I decided that the Latin wasn't that important seems nobody really cares about a dead language. Not like it is Spanish and a million Mexicans are going to start complaining that you translated "taco" wrong.

Now you need a logo. Go with whatever the hell you feel like. Seriously it doesn't seem to matter. For The Grand Order of Hoaxers I chose to incorporate a sword, an eyeball, and a phoenix. Seriously it doesn't matter. Well it does and it doesn't. Mine is merely an example and therefore it doesn't matter one little shit. But allegedly these masonic logos all mean something. You want to investigate it and find out while you design yours go for it. Me, I could not be bothered.

Woohoo almost there. You are going to need some members. This is where it gets tricky but at the same time it is where it gets fun. First you need an initiation ritual. Steal one that already exists and add your own twist to it. So for the example the new members are going to have to stand in a circle and chant something:

"As a member of the Grand Order of Hoaxers I will not divulge to any outsider what transpires within these walls. I will not openly acknowledge another member in public unless signalled, and I shall do whatever the High Hoaxer asks without question."

While we are at the weird shit. You might want to create a special handshake at this point so that members can greet each other in public without the lowly public knowing what the fuck you are up to. Keeping it hoax related I came up with this: Member #1 Goes on tiptoes and puts his hand out for a handshake. Member #2 Steps back 2 paces in 'moonwalk' style and puts his hand to Member #1. They must say "Hee-hee" three times while shaking hands.

So you have a lodge, a phrase, a logo, members, an initiation ceremony, and a secret handshake. That is pretty much it. You are now ready to take the Illuminati on at their own game. Just go hang out at various masonic temples and coerce a few of their members to join and eventually you'll be in the Illuminati; and you don't have to fear something if you are part of it.

So get your asses of Twitter, Myspace, and Facebook. Create a fucking lodge and start running the world the way you want. And if anyone disagrees with you just wipe them out - you have to get the population down to 500 million anyway.


Cuss Count: Minimal

Legal Notice: This guide for controlling the world may not exactly be 100% accurate. The information is supplied as is and no guarantee is represented in any way. And remember if you become Supreme World President Of The Earth I helped. This post is satire and may be reproduced at will as long as it is not taken seriously.


Michael Jackson: And Justice for Some said...

This has been the highlight of my day. With all the negative information coming out and no justice in sight for the Katherine or MJ3, this post was a welcome relief. Kudos to the author for a hilarious blog post. I'm very happy I came here tonight.

Anonymous said...

there s no libertate but libertas,no integrias but integritas ,but was a joke and i d take it like this

Anonymous said...

I am addicted to this blog! It is hilarious so true so!! funny!!

Anonymous said...

Need to add a little bit of Hebrew too. Well remember Hiram!

Perhaps Mikael...

Anonymous said...

His Family Is Missinq Him "Whats keft of his Family.."

Anonymous said...

As I read some of this stuff I can't help but wonder how many pints of beer one has to drink before putting keystroke to screen in order to be this damn funny? Comedy is definitely you're calling. Keep it coming. Hilarious!

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