Senior Drug Dealers

Ever wonder why the elderly go to bed so early; and then get up the following morning before anyone else? Me too. So I thought about it for about 5 seconds before I decided to write this post.

There is a ton of scientific evidence to prove that as people get older they need less sleep; and this is why old people go to bed early and get up early too. Bollocks; it is nothing more than a cover story - an alibi from a shady character merely put out there to fool the masses in to believing that old people are all nice and sweet.

After 5 seconds of thought I worked out what was being covered up. Our senior citizens are nothing but low-life drug peddlers.

Don't start writing that Grandpa and Grandma wouldn't even think of doing such a thing. Just because Grandma knits the occasional seasonal cardigan; and Grandpa is usually asleep right after dinner means nothing. It is just part of the conspiracy cover-up that has been force fed to generation after generation to keep their secret lives secret.

Ask any member of the police force and you'll find that most 'dawn raids' happen between 6:00AM and 7:00AM. That is why Grandma and Grandpa are up at 5:30AM. The early bird catches the worm but the earlier old people beat the police. But why are the elderly so intent on beating the police? Because they are all growing, making, and selling drugs.

They have worked all their lives putting a little away for their retirement. Then when they retire they realize that retirement will not support Grandma's bingo habit; or Grandpa's pipe tobacco. So they need to supplement their income and they enter the underworld of drug dealing.

Grandpa has spent his life learning from his father and Grandfather learning to grow successful crops each year - no matter what the weather may bring. Come retirement he is going to put all that horticultural knowledge to good use and grow his own medicinal marijuana for himself and his friends down the Legion. Slowly the word spreads and before you know it Grandpa has taken over the Legion and got a couple of ex-army friends as bouncers on the door.

And don't think that while Grandpa is out there selling his 'medicine' to various people Grandma is at home enjoying a cup of coffee and watching Oprah. Hell no, she is out there catching up with the gossip. She knows more about the entire neighborhood - it would take 50 FBI agents a lifetime to learn what she knows about every single person within 5 miles of her home.  Grandma is the 'intel' she keeps her ear to the ground to see who knows what. You think it is merely a coincidence that she speaks to Joyce the mother of the local Sheriff. Think again.

Grandma: Hello Joyce.
Joyce: Hello Geraldine.
Grandma: Nice weather we are having.
Joyce: That it is especially for this time of year.
Grandma: How is your George?
Joyce: Not too well. Having a hip replacement next week.
Grandma: Oh I am sorry to hear that.
Joyce: It'll do him good.
Grandma: And your Jacob; how is he doing?
Joyce: Busy at work. Got the state police coming in tomorrow for a drug bust in the area. He hates them dawn raids.
Grandma: Ah I see. Local people?
Joyce: Them young lads living in that trailer.
Grandma: Never did like them.

A seemingly innocent conversation. But Grandma now knows where the police will be at 6:00AM tomorrow; and that there will be new customers if she plays her cards right.

So Grandma and Grandpa may look like the sweetest old couple you know. But in reality they are supplementing their income by selling drugs. How do you think they afforded the new car and the cruise last year?