Usama Bin Laden Speaks About The Hoax

Continuing the series of guest authors discussing the hoax Usama Bin Laden...


Pay attention, this is the leader of the free world, Usama Bin Laden. Ensure you spell my name with an 'U' and not an 'O' you infidel pigs of the western world.

I am here today to tell you infidel scum that Mr. Michael Jackson is most definitely alive. Just like your lazy, stupid, army that cannot find me you will never find Mr. Michael Jackson as he has chosen to part himself from the madness that the Zionist media and so-called fans have created.

First, let me clear your weak infidel minds of a very important fact. Mr. Michael Jackson is not, and has never been, a Muslim. The Muslim people were unlucky enough to get Mr. Jermaine Jackson; the less talented one. And unbeknown to him I have arranged with the most gracious Allah that his 72 virgins are all male.

Now that your infidel minds have been cleared of one media lie I will enlighten you with regards to other media lies that your government has allowed to be spread so maliciously.

On the morning of June 25, 2009 Mr. Conrad Murray did indeed make telephone calls. One of these calls was to Abdul, a friend of mine, and Mr. Conrad Murray asked Abdul about hiding someone where nobody could find them. Abdul gave Mr. Conrad Murray various details, which I choose not to disclose to you infidels, which allowed Mr. Michael Jackson to slip away without the media knowing.

There is a Mr. Ben Evenstad who has made various claims about the alleged photograph in the ambulance knows what he has said is nothing but lies. And as such in my capacity as leader of the free world I have issued a jihad against this infidel photographer for his disgraceful, and most heinous, lies.

Some of you infidels have suggested that Mr. Michael Jackson is hiding at Neverland. I can assure you weak westerners that he is not here.

Also, some of your lesbian infidels have claimed that Mr. Elvis Presley may have something to do with a 'double bam'. In the words of the most honorable, and distinguished, Dr. Dre - "That is some serious bullshit motherfucker." This theory is laughable. When I read this I thought it was some kind of western humor. However, when the 'spam the media' campaign began I issued a fatwa against these lesbians for their hurtful, and stupid, lies. Mr. Elvis Presley has told me that he is not making a return.

As the western, if not the entire, world watched events on June 25, 2009 you saw only what the Zionist media wanted you to see. However, in this case the media were played as puppets as Mr. Michael Jackson, assisted by Mr. Conrad Murray, allowed the media to only see what he wanted them to see.

To truly understand the depth, and enormity, of this hoax you must free your mind of the media and government lies that have been fed to you for so long. You must look deep into yourselves for the real truth.

May Allah Be with you.

Cuss Count: Very Low

Legal Notice: Usama Bin Laden has never openly stated his position on the Michael Jackson hoax. This post is satire and as such no disrespect is meant to Muslims, lesbians, and male virgins.