Talking With Homeless Dave

There has been some debate over the last few months. Some thought he was hiding, while others thought he had finally been arrested and executed. But in a revealing talk Homeless Dave explains himself.

Doggie: Well look who the cat dragged in. And where have you been the last few months?
Dave: I went on a journey of self-discovery, to find myself.
Doggie: And that journey obviously didn't include a shower.
Dave: I'm living the bohemian lifestyle now.
Doggie: No. You are just lazy. I doubt you even know what it means.
Dave: Actually I do.
Doggie: Keep telling yourself that. So, now you have found yourself what are you up to?
Dave: Not much really. I'm just strapping myself in for the kamikaze ride that is going to be the unlawful death trial.
Doggie: I knew it. So you have an opinion and you want to voice it is what you are saying?
Dave: Pretty much.
Doggie: OK then. What is your well-informed opinion?
Dave: Firstly it is not well-informed. Secondly this has got to be the dumbest lawsuit the Jackson family could have ever started.
Doggie: Well, supposedly, they want justice for Michael.
Dave: Do they hell as like. They want money. They want $40 Billion from AEG Live because they may, or may not, have hired Conrad Murray. They just want their meal-ticket to keep feeding the leeches that hang around the Jackson compound. If it was about justice it would just be a case of getting AEG Live to admit they were wrong, and not all about money.
Doggie: There is some logic to that. But surely the kids should get what their father was going to provide?
Dave: How much do they need? They have money coming in from the estate. They are definitely not hurting - now or ever. None of them would have to work ever. And his Mom is set for life too. They have millions from the estate, living it large, and we are meant to believe that a $40 Billion lawsuit is purely for justice. It is a typical Jackson family move - everyone trying to squeeze one more ounce of blood out of Michael.
Doggie: But the lawsuit is by Katherine and the kids. Surely you can't be calling them leeches?
Dave: In a way yes.
Doggie: Whoa there. Bit harsh.
Dave: Well not them exactly. Everyone knows there are certain family members in the background pulling strings to get things like this happening. And those people are doing it because they are scared.
Doggie: Scared of what?
Dave: Scared they will have to get off their asses and get out there and actually make it based on their own name. Don't get me wrong it isn't all of them but there a few they wouldn't know what to do without money from Michael, and his legacy, filtering down to the lower leeches. And as for Katherine and the kids - they have enough. This lawsuit is just going to make things worse.
Doggie: Worse in what way?
Dave: Don't be so naive. The muck-rakers. Scum like TMZ, X17, and all the other low-life outlets that will drag up every little detail. These places are used to having to report on what shit Kim Kardashian is wearing. Give them a $40 Billion lawsuit and they will run with every little thing. They will drag so much shit up from the past that the only thing, win or lose, that is guaranteed to happen is that Michal Jackson's legacy will be further tarnished with so-called revelations from the lawsuit.
Doggie: Well them kind of gossip outlets will always find the worse in a story.
Dave: It isn't just about finding the worse in a story. They are consistently noted for making shit up just to get people to look at their stuff. They will put any headline up if they think it will equal a few hits to their website. How many times during this lawsuit do you think TMZ will quote Arnie Klein, Karen Faye, or some other fucker that has no life of their own and is basically living off the tailcoat of Michael? Mark my words by the end of this lawsuit Michael's reputation will be in ruins because of all the crap people are going to drag up from the past.
Doggie: How do you see the result of the trial?
Dave: Nobody will win.
Doggie: I think you'll find someone has to win.
Dave: On paper maybe. But look at the options. Say the Jacksons win and some judge orders AEG Live to pay out $40 Billion. All that will happen is that AEG Live will go bankrupt and sell their assets to their parent company who will start a new company called AEG2 or something. Look at what BP did after the oil spill, they moved cash around and declared parts of themselves bankrupt and instead f paying $60 Billion only ended up paying $6 Billion. There are people, and businesses, down there still effected by all that. These places employ hundreds of attorneys that know every little trick in the book. If there is a way out without paying they will find it. They'd rather spend a few million than a few billion.
Doggie: But what if the Jacksons lose?
Dave: They already have. Win or lose they have lost. Say this trial goes on for 9 months, at the end the media will have raised all the usual crap from the 2005 trial, they will have alleged news stories confirming Michael Jackson as drug-riddled junkie, and the kids will have been dragged into court for all of this shit. Like I said nothing good will come of this lawsuit. And let us not forget that Murray has already been convicted.
Doggie: That is going to make a difference?
Dave: Of course it is. Murray has been convicted, the contract was never signed so legally is void, so the whole 'smoking gun' emails that people sent are worthless in a court of law. Doesn't matter what they say. If Murray wasn't legally working for AEG Live then they are merely opinion. And as it goes right now AEG Live have it from evidence in the Murray trial, which the State raised, that the contract had not been signed by Michael. So the whole email thing is a moot point.
Doggie: Scarily enough I see where you are coming from on that.
Dave: The only reason that the Jackson family is going after AEG Live is because they know it is pointless to go after Murray. He's in jail, he has no money, and his chances of employment are slim. He'll more than likely end up flipping burgers at the local McDonalds. Nobody is going to want the doctor that killed Michael Jackson to look after them.
Doggie: OK. But say the hoaxers are right. Say it is all some game.
Dave: Listen to yourself. A game? Look, the hoaxers use the whole "4 years to get it right" speech as some sort of clue. Well, in a couple of months the 4 years will be done. Nobody is coming back to 'BAM'. It was a nice idea, but that is all it was, and all it ever will be. An idea. Things have moved on too far.
Doggie: In what way?
Dave: Well, as Katherine and the kids are listed as plaintiffs in the wrongful death lawsuit you have two choices. They don't know Michael is alive which means he did all this without telling them, and they think he is dead. Or his Mom and kids have committed perjury already, with the depositions, and if AEG Live pay even a penny it is fraud. You can't have it both ways. Everyone needs to move on and let the legacy of Michael be as it is and not allow this ridiculous lawsuit to tarnish it - which it will do, the gutter media will make sure of that.
Doggie: OK. Well that about wraps it up.
Dave: You don't want to know what I have been up to for the past few months?
Doggie: To be honest - not really. I think most people have forgotten you even existed.
Dave: Well then. Next time I have an opinion I'll make sure TMZ get the exclusive.
Doggie: I won't hold my breath waiting to read that.

Who Killed The Hoax?

The short answer is that the hoax killed the hoax. There you go saves a lot of time reading the rest of the post. Enjoy your Christmas and all that; thanks for stopping by.

If you want to hang around and read the long answer; then carry on reading.

Warning: This post contains strong language; but hey what did you really expect?

The idea that Michael Jackson may have faked his death, just like Elvis, sat with me for ages. But the dawn of realization made me reconsider this; and I decided that no matter what Michael Jackson had truly passed away.

But the hoax lived on with various mentally retarded people thinking they were Michael Jackson; and they made their way to various social networks. But these dipshits are just the bottom-feeders of the whole hoax community; the real turnip-munching, ass-chomping, fucktards are the ones that support these basement dwellers.

The people know who they are. They follow these wannabes as if it really was Michael Jackson tweeting away to them. And if you gives these fucked-up individuals any information which proves that these wannabe cocksuckers are not Michael Jackson they get all defensive and go into some #TeamDMovie or #TeamAMSI protective little ring to protect their 'supposed' idol.

Well, there is no nice way to put this, you are all fucking stupid assholes for thinking that someone who attacks Katherine Jackson openly in their tweets is Michael Jackson; the guy who adored and worshiped his mother. And you dumb fucks that support these basement dwellers are the ones that killed the hoax. You killed the legacy of your idol by believing that these fuck-ups of life are Michael himself.

So, when you follow the every word of these wannabes like they are some sort of savior remember the hoax is looking like a complete fucking joke so you people can get your kicks thinking that some high school dropout is Michael Jackson. So pat yourselves on your back and then wipe that slimy grin off your face because in all honesty you people make Conrad Murray look like a nice guy.

Some quick facts to piss you off just that little bit more. AMSI, or whatever shitty name they are using now, is not, will never be, and can never be Michael Jackson. You feed their ego, which they nurse because their mother rejected them at birth. You hang on their every word and treat it like some sort of gospel of Michael. You really think that Michael Jackson is tweeting to you. You need to just get over it. You need to look at all the evidence that various people have presented and realize that Michael Jackson is not, and never will be, on Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, or Pinterest.

You need to stop allowing these dumbass wannabes to mind-fuck each and everyone of you. If you really need to hold on to the idea that Michael Jackson is alive and well so be it. But to dilute his legacy with the belief that some ex-felon on Twitter is Michael Jackson not only deludes yourself it slowly but surely  leaves Michael Jackson's legacy looking like some murky pool of shit and piss.

Who killed the hoax? The people who fall for every fucking mind game going. If you think some asshole on Twitter, or some crazy Nazi preaching some regurgitated Seven Day Adventist bullshit can save you I truly pity you. But while you fall for everything you will receive an email from an African prince that needs your help - in advance he thanks you for your cash.

See You In 4 Years ... Maybe

This idea may have been discussed elsewhere. If so I don't remember seeing it exactly anywhere. But if it has, my apologies for repeating something already discussed.

In the footage from "This Is It", which was supposedly filmed up until June 24, 2009; Michael Jackson is quoted as saying "We have four years to get it right." Now admittedly at the time he was speaking about the Earth's destruction and stopping it. But was he?

I know previously it has been discussed, by others, that this somehow tied in with the Mayan prophecy of the end of the world.

Those previous discussions fail on two counts. Firstly 2009 plus 4 years would give a year of 2013; which would be one year late. Secondly, the Mayan prophecy is not a prophecy. December 21, 2012 is the end of an era in the Mayan, linear, calendar. Some scholars dispute the accuracy of December 21, 2012 due to the fact of changes in the calenders used by the western world.

But what if, and it is a hypothetical if with no real basis outside pure coincidence, Michael Jackson's statement about 4 years was a message to Conrad Murray; to complete his part in the hoax?

The idea is slightly out there as ideas go. And in all honesty coincidence is the most likely answer; more than anything else. But as a hypothetical theory only the idea has a sound basis.

Sometime in June 2009 - Michael Jackson makes a statement about 4 years. Nowhere else does is this statement made by Michael Jackson. Yes, he made statements about saving the planet but never with any sort of timescale.

June 25, 2009 - The hoax plan is put into action.


October 28, 2009 - This Is It is released in theaters.


September 27, 2011 - The trial of Conrad Murray starts; where he is charged with the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson.


November 7, 2011 - Conrad Murray is found guilty of the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson.


November 29, 2011 - Conrad Murray was sentenced to 4 years.


October 28, 2013 - Conrad Murray's expected release date (not taking into account an appeal, or time off for good behavior) (which is also the 4 year anniversary of the release of This Is It).

So here is the theory, which really has no basis other than coincidence.

Michael Jackson and Conrad Murray had discussed the hoax and at some point had enlisted the help of Ed Chernoff for the legal aspects. Conrad Murray gets 'cold feet', even though the expected pay-off is more than enough to set him up for life; and needs a little convincing. Knowing that "This Is It" will be released after the hoax has been pulled off Michael Jackson throws the 4 year bit in as a reminder to Conrad Murray of why he is going through all the hassle of being classed as 'the man who killed the King Of Pop'.

Admittedly, as theories go, it has no sound basis; and as previously stated relies heavily on coincidence. But there are a couple of facts which can be tied in with the theory.

As stated before, why mention 4 years? It does not tie in with all the apocalyptic predictions that the world will end in 2012.

In the transcript of the L.A.P.D. interviewing Conrad Murray on June 27, 2009, with Ed Chernoff present, it does appear that Ed Chernoff knows a lot more about medical terms relating to the case than he should after only 2 days. This is only odd, as he has never completed a medical court case like that presented to him through Conrad Murray.

Also, and finally, why did Conrad Murray feel it necessary to make a documentary? Was it merely so that the 'whole' hoax is documented. Which does somewhat tie in with why all the rehearsal footage was hot in High Definition. A full history of the hoax.

So there you have it. A theory with no basis, and a little bit out there, that relies solely on coincidence and supposition.

Who Did Murray Kill?

On November 7, 2011 Dr. Conrad Murray was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter. Judge Pastor also remanded Murray in jail until sentencing on November 29, 2011. Does that mean the Michael Jackson death hoax is over?

Not necessarily. Certain things happened as Conrad Murray was found guilty that just didn't make sense.

Judge Pastor passes the verdict to Mrs Sammi Benson who reads it out:

"Superior Court of California; Los Angeles County. The people of the State of California, plaintiff versus Conrad Robert Murray, defendant. Case number FA073164. Title of court and cause. We the jury in the above title and action find the defendant, Conrad Robert Murray, guilty of the crime of involuntary manslaughter in violation of penal code section 192 sub-section B. Alleged victim Michael Joseph Jackson. Alleged date of June 25th 2009. As charged in count one of the information; this seventh day of November 2011. Foreperson juror ID number 145; seat number 3. Is this your verdict; is this your individual and personal verdict so say you one so say you all?"





Hold on there Mrs Benson. You said he was guilty yet the victim and day remain alleged? How is it alleged if he has been found guilty?

The dictionary defines 'alleged' as: "Represented as existing or as being as described but not so proved; supposed."

So Conrad Murray is guilty of involuntary manslaughter yet the victim and date have not been proved? Does that even make sense? How can a person be found guilty without a victim, or a date, being proved? In theory; they can't.

Also the alleged victim was Michael Joseph Jackson; yet  his driving license which according to the L.A. Coroner's office was used for identification purposes states his name as Michael Joe Jackson.

And if you want to get really technical the court documents from the 2005 case against Michael Jackson, where he was acquitted of all charges, all used "The People of the State of California v. Michael Joe Jackson" (Case 1133603 if you want to check).

So who the hell died? Because legally Michael Joseph Jackson is not Michael Joe Jackson; as any aliases used in court specifically have to be defined as such. So Mrs Benson would of had to say "Michael Joseph Jackson also known as Michael Joe Jackson."

And I know some are going to be saying: "Well let's not get picky here Joseph or Joe it is all the same." But in a court of law it is not the same; it is not even close. In a court of law one is a legal name and one is an undefined alias; and as an undefined alias is worthless.

So Murray may have been found guilty of involuntary manslaughter - but by legal definition it was not of Michael Joe Jackson.

Cigarette Warnings

Today A federal judge blocked a U.S. rule requiring tobacco companies to display graphic images on cigarette packs, such as a man exhaling cigarette smoke through a hole in his throat.

U.S. District Judge Richard Leon sided with tobacco companies and granted a temporary injunction, saying they would likely prevail in their lawsuit challenging U.S. health regulators' rule as unconstitutional because it compels speech in violation of the First Amendment.

But what if the warnings were not so graphic; but still had an impact?

"I SMOKE THESE"

Maybe a picture of the celebrity skank known as Lindsay Lohan saying she smokes them would deter potential smokers?

"EVERY SMOKE MAKES ME MORE FAMOUS"

Or Justin Bieber's fame rising because you smoke a cigarette could deter millions of people from lighting up.

"SMOKE THEM I'M A DOCTOR"

How about the infamous Dr. Conrad Murray saying it is OK to smoke? Surely a recommendation from a doctor that famously screwed up basic CPR should be enough to get people to quit?

The warnings on cigarettes don't have to be graphic - they just have to have reverse endorsements.

The Jurors Speak

With the weekend being the only time that the jurors, in the Conrad Murray trial, can actually take a break in thinking about the trial; it seemed like a great time to get them all in one room. The alcohol started flowing; and the jurors opened up.

Legal Notice: Details may have been fabricated, omitted, or altered for legal purposes. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MJHDC: So how is deliberations going?
Juror 1: Not good, it is taking forever. Juror 5 had diarrhea on Friday and we ended up taking more breaks than necessary ...
Juror 5: Hey, not my fault. I still say it was the chicken from the court cafeteria that caused it.
Juror 8: Well I had the chicken and it didn't effect me in any way.
Juror 5: Aren't you just special then.
Juror 4: I had a bit of an icky stomach and I had the chicken.
Juror 9: The beef was fine.
MJHDC: OK. Back to the trial. How has the medical evidence played a part in your deliberations?
Juror 7: It didn't. Not in mine any way. They totally lost me. I don't know if it was 25mg or the whole bottle.
Juror 11: Yeah. It was hard to keep up with all the experts.
Juror 10: It wasn't what they were saying it was just how they were saying it.
Juror 2: I'll agree with that. It was bad enough listening to Walgren and Chernoff. And then these so-called experts got on the stand. I was just about ready to blow my own brains out.
Juror 12: Some it did seem a bit in-depth. And how we are meant to understand it all is just crazy.
Juror 3: Its all a fucking hoax. You know that?
MJHDC: Well it is a possibility; that is for sure. So Juror 3 you believe?
Juror 3: Of course. I'm here for the free lunches and a bit of free time away from work and the family. I have 5 kids. Any break I can get I take.
Juror 5: Well if you don't think Michael Jackson is dead how do you intend to come to a verdict.
Juror 3: Not guilty. Dumbass. Its obvious if MJ is alive then Murray is innocent.
MJHDC: So are you allowed to discuss if you have taken any votes yet?
Juror 12: We took a vote as soon as we went in the room. It was 4 for guilty and 7 for not guilty ...
MJHDC: That is only 11.
Juror 12: Well Juror 5 was in the bathroom and wouldn't shout his answer through the door.
MJHDC: I see. Is it still that way now you have had a day of deliberations?
Juror 4: We don't know. We haven't had a vote since.
MJHDC: Well how about now, a quick show of hands? All those that think Conrad Murray is guilty raise your hand. OK that is 3 of you.
Juror 6: What we voting on?
MJHDC: Whether you think Murray is guilty at the present moment.
Juror 6: Oh sorry. I thought it was about who had the chicken still. I don't think Murray is guilty.
Juror 5: Nice going Janice.
Juror 6: Tom I didn't think we were allowed to mention names.
Juror 5: I'm sure he'll edit all that out at the end.
MJHDC: Yeah. Sure; if I remember.
Juror 5: See.
Juror 6: OK then. Well I really liked how Walgren composed himself in the closing argument. If I wasn't a married woman ...
Juror 4: Janice you are not married.
Juror 6: Yes I am. Just because we have never met doesn't mean we can't be married.
Juror 5: Oh for fucks sake. Crazy bitch is never getting married. Lets be honest about it. She spent 15 minutes at lunch yesterday lining her garden peas up on her plate.
Juror 6: Well they did look neater. You know I hate mess.
Juror 5: Yeah you are the only one who took notes in chronological order. Me I just winged it and hoped I could copy off someone at the end.
MJHDC: Sticking to the trial. A lot has been said about Propofol. Anyone ever had it before?
Juror 3: Me. Had it when I came back from the Gulf.
MJHDC: So you was in the Gulf war?
Juror 3: No way. It was a vacation before all this war stuff kicked off. Anyway I drunkenly fell off the balcony at the hotel. Broke my arm and cracked 2 ribs; and had a major gash on my head. They did some exploratory surgery and then it was when I had the Propofol. Well I think it was Propofol it is all a bit hazy.
MJHDC: This discussion isn't breaking Judge Pastor's guidance of not discussing the trial is it?
Juror 12: I don't think so. We only get paid Monday to Friday. So I think as along as it is the weekend we are alright to talk about it.
Juror 9: Do we get a lunch break?
MJHDC: You have been here for 20 minutes. So no.
Juror 9: What about a break?
Juror 1: That has what it has been like all the time. We just start talking and someone wants to do something.
Juror 4: We might head over to Carolwood Drive on Monday. I think as the jury we can ask for little trips to look at the scene.
MJHDC: Sort of. If it is relevant I think you can.
Juror 4: See I told you we could.
MJHDC: I wouldn't take my answer as the final answer.
Juror 3: I'm taking a camera. The only believer on the jury. Be a feather in my cap so to speak.
Juror 6: You don't wear a cap.
Juror 3: It is a figure of speech.
Juror 7: What will we learn from seeing Michael Jackson's bedroom?
Juror 3: Who gives a shit. At least we will be there. I'm wearing my fedora on Monday just in case.
MJHDC: Finally, before I wrap this up, I'd like to ask each of you for your opinion on how the trial went.
Juror 1: I was bored through most of it. Most of my notes are covered in little doodles.
Juror 2: I'd rather not say.
Juror 3: Boring. Boring. And even more boredom. I know MJ is alive so why go through this show?
Juror 4: Its been pretty exciting compared to my normal work. I have 17 cats you know.
MJHDC: I'm sure you do.
Juror 5: At least I'm getting paid for sleeping. And I did get the phone number of Ms Brazil. Result.
Juror 6: I think it has been very enlightening and we are going to be diligent in our deliberations.
Juror 5: Sure we are. Heads he is guilty. Tails he is innocent.
Juror 7: I don't know right now what is going on. Someone shouted 'murderer' at me last night. I got scared.
MJHDC: So, people know who you all are then?
Juror 7: It is a bit obvious. We all leave court wearing our 'juror number badge' so it didn't take them too long to work it out.
Juror 8: He's guilty and I'm going to recommend lethal injection.
MJHDC: Thats not possible. He'll do a maximum of 4 years by California sentencing guidelines.
Juror 8: Well we might as well let him go with the other 30,000 criminals they are releasing then.
Juror 9: Is Lindsay Lohan going to jail? I'm not allowed to watch the news.
MJHDC: Maybe. After she has posed for Playboy. She'll be in overnight and out the next morning.
Juror 10: She's nothing but a skank ho. I'd rather see Betty Ford naked.
MJHDC: Betty Ford is dead.
Juror 10: You got a problem with that?
Juror 11: I'm hoping it all ends soon. I think I am getting sores on my butt from sitting so much. I don't know how the judge does it all the time.
Juror 12: I say we go back Monday and just say "Not guilty" and get it all over with. Aint nobody going to have him as a doctor now anyway.
MJHDC: True that.
Juror 5: Its a fucking hoax. I tried explaining the ambulance picture to you; and the whole Robert Earl Carter connection.
Juror 7: Not that again.
MJHDC: Well you obviously have more to talk about. So good luck on Monday. And about 3.30PM if you could make your announcement I have a little bet going. Thanks.

After this discussion had taken place the jurors all left for their own lives. For legal reasons Janice's real name of Susan, and Tom's real name of Jason, were never mentioned.

Two-Faced Justice

Yesterday as Conrad Murray left the court some of the 'Justice4MJ' people were heard shouting "Murray is a murderer". Well, actually they were chanting it as he left.

So what the hell are they going to do if the guy is found innocent by 12 jurors?

They going to say that the decision is wrong? They going to complain there is no justice in the justice system? Or are they actually going to think before they start chanting their judgemental bullshit outside the court?

Let us take a little trip down memory lane, back to 2005, when Michael Jackson was acquitted of all charges.

Michael Jackson was indicted for four counts of molesting a minor, four counts of intoxicating a minor in order to molest him, one count of attempted child molestation, and one count of conspiring to hold the boy and his family captive at his 2,700-acre Neverland Ranch, as well as conspiring to commit extortion and child abduction. On June 13, 2005, the jury found Michael Jackson not guilty on all fourteen charges, which included all of the above plus four lesser-included misdemeanor counts.

So the question remains: Are these people that have promoted themselves to Judge, Jury, and executioner for Conrad Murray really going to say that there was a miscarriage of justice? Because the way I see it - If it is good enough justice to prove Michael Jackson innocent; no matter what the outcome it must also be good enough for Conrad Murray.

The 12 jurors are just ordinary people, like you and me, that have no specific medical training in the 'Propofol' area; and are working with the evidence and facts that were presented in the court room. As Judge Pastor said yesterday; this is the only evidence and facts they may use in reaching their decision. And to be honest, the whole 'medical expert' testimonies confused the hell out of me; but I see it from both sides.

Yes Murray was employed, although he never got paid, to care for Michael Jackson. But if the whole theory for the prosecution is that Murray set up a Propofol drip; and there is no tube for that then a question remains: Why did Murray leave everything else and just take one tube.

And that is going to be one of the many questions that the jury will be discussing I'm sure. And if they can't find a reason for Murray to take one item and leave everything else connected with the alleged Propofol IV drip it leaves reasonable doubt. And as such they cannot find him guilty of the charge of involuntary manslaughter without a shadow of a doubt.

So will the 'Justice4MJ' people forget that 12 jurors gave Michael Jackson an innocent verdict and they agreed with that just because the justice system may do the same to Conrad Murray?

I'm not advocating the justice system is perfect. Far from it. But at the same time it has to be said if it is good enough for one it is good enough for another. Yes mistakes are are made but at the same time it is not a time to become two-faced and say it is good enough for one and not the other.

It reminds me of the old saying "What is good for the goose is good for the gander."

Where Is Arnie?

Like some fucking psychedelic Wheres Waldo picture. The courtroom today, including the jury, has to be wondering "Where is Arnie Klein?"

While the so-called sleep medicine expert, Dr Nader Kamangar, said his review of Jackson's records showed the singer received Demerol from Beverly Hills dermatologist Dr. Arnold Klein.

Now cast your mind back three weeks ago: Ed Chernoff told jurors that in the months before his death, Jackson visited Klein's office as many as two to three times a week. "Dr Arnold Klein addicted Michael Jackson to Demerol."

The defense team, for Dr Conrad Murray is going to try and prove that due to a Demerol addiction Michael Jackson suffered from insomnia which Murray was trying to treat.

So, his name is being thrown around the courtroom like Murray throws one-dollar bills around a strip club and yet Arnie Klein is not going to be called. Odd? No, more like completely fucking weird. Arnie Klein is not even on the possible witness list; and in one of the pre-trial hearings the judge, Michael Pastor, ensured that Arnie Klein would not testify by limiting evidence to 72 hours before the death of Michael Jackson - and only that which is relevant to the care Dr Conrad Murray provided to Michael Jackson.

Although Arnie may have played the biggest part leading up to all this he will never have to testify in court about anything. Which means we will never know - not that we would anyway because Arnie Klein is known to tell the odd lie or two or thousand.

Some have suggested that the prosecution were instrumental in keeping Arnie Klein out of the courtroom because of concerns from the Michael Jackson estate. Now, the only thing I could find is that back in 2004, Howard Weitzman, who now represents the Michael Jackson estate and executors in all litigation matters represented Arnie Klein in a lawsuit where Klein was unsuccessfully sued for botox misuse on a patient. Allegedly, since then Howard Weitzman hasn't spoken to Klein.

Welcome Starving Marvin

With the departure of the Homeless wonder known as Dave it was necessary to keep the Unholy Trinity in balance; and recruit a third person. That person is Marvin 'Starving' Jackson a homeless person from Detroit. The reason another homeless person was chosen was to maintain a 'charitable' tax-exempt status.

Marvin is not a volunteer and will receive a weekly salary of $2. He originally wanted $5 a week but negotiations reached the figure mentioned.

Marvin can be found on Twitter as @MarvinStarving.

I took some time to talk to Marvin as the newest member of The Unholy Trinity.

MJHDC: So Marvin what do you want to say to introduce yourself?
Marvin: Holla nigga. I am officially up in this shit. That $2 is cash right?
MJHDC: Yeah.
Marvin: What about health benefits?
MJHDC: None.
Marvin: No worries I just get myself down the VA hospital. About the only thing a nigga gets for fighting on behalf of his country. Man, I saw shit that would make your eyes fall out and your ass explode with fear.
MJHDC: Which war was you in?
Marvin: I was in 'Nam. I'm still there some days. Never forget some of that shit. I saw bodies piled 5 high being used as sand bags. You don't forget that shit. And we got home all the people fucking looking at us like we were shit because the hippies said there should be no war. I fucking fought for my country. Here count my fingers.
MJHDC: 9.
Marvin: Left the other one in 'Nam. Fucking Viet Cong took it trying to get information. I didn't say shit. Then my unit stormed that place. Dead Charlies everywhere.
MJHDC: Have you been following the Conrad Murray trial at all?
Marvin: Hell no, media going to try to hang a nigga whether they got shit on him or not. If Conrad Murray was white he'd of got a pat on the back and a fucking medal from that turncoat president. Vote for me I am black when I get in the Whitehouse I'll turn my back. Fucker hasn't done shit for the hood. Steps in the hood and no matter how many guards he has he'll be another statistic.
MJHDC: But Conrad is accused of killing Michael Jackson.
Marvin: Hell that was one fucked up dude. I didn't get why he wanted to be white.
MJHDC: That was a disease. Vitiligo.
Marvin: I'd rather have a few white patches than be all white. No offense it isn't your fault. You was born that way.
MJHDC: Umm. Moving on. Have you seen any of the trial?
Marvin: I caught that Ed Chernoff guy talking. If he was my attorney I'd be putting 9mm of cold steel in my mouth and saying goodbye to the world. He was all stammering and shit. I would bet my food stamps that he only got to be an attorney by sucking a real attorney off. I've heard better sentences coming from the Special Needs spelling bee competition. Now that white haired guy looks like a smart cookie. If you got to choose one of them to stand up for you I would of picked that fucker. You know him and the judge play golf together at their exclusive 'white people' only country club. Conrad has got to man up and tell that Chernoff to sit the fuck down.
MJHDC: So you haven't really kept up with the trial?
Marvin: They are going to do the same to Conrad as they did to OJ. And if Arnie Klein isn't found guilty it will be the LA riots all over again.
MJHDC: What exactly are you bringing to the Unholy Trinity?
Marvin: Experience. And you and Hoax News will be able to walk in the ghetto with getting your lily white asses shot. I remember this line from Lench Mob: "White boys white boys love hip-hop. Come to the ghetto and they get shot." Trust me it is no different here in Detroit. You walk your white ass down the wrong street you going out in a body bag. Just the way it is man.
MJHDC: Thanks I think.
Marvin: And I am a personal friend of Joe Jackson.
MJHDC: You know Joe Jackson?
Marvin: That is what I said are you deaf? When I say friend what I mean is that I know this guy who owned a Buick. Well it turns out that at one point Joe Jackson thought about buying it. He didn't but he nearly did. Makes us family almost.
MJHDC: Well you are a Jackson.
Marvin: No relation whatsoever.
MJHDC: Well what would you like to say as way of an introduction?
Marvin: Bitches and pimps I'm all up in this shit. You don't like me fuck off. I sure as hell am not being paid to be nice to you fucking people.
MJHDC: (laughing) You should get paid per cuss word.
Marvin: Hell no. It is only when I'm drinking I cuss.
MJHDC: I see. Any parting words?
Marvin: See you fuckers on the flipside. Peace. I'm outtie.

Mankind Versus Conrad Murray

The entire U.S. nation was united in outrage as the Supreme Court denied Troy Davis a stay of execution. As the decision was announced Twitter and Facebook went crazy with the same outrage.

I have taken no time to look in to the Troy Davis case and so will not comment on guilt, or lack of it, other than to say that if there is even the smallest of doubt then an execution should not take place. You just cannot reverse an execution if later evidence proves a persons innocence.

But it did get me thinking about the Michael Jackson fans (believers and non-believers) on Twitter who were rallying in support of Troy Davis. It wasn't a good feeling it was kind of a 'I want to reach through the screen and strangle you hypocritical fuckers' feeling.

Back in 2005 every Michael Jackson fan would practically kill anyone who even suggested that he was guilty of the charges he was acquitted of. But these same fans will stand up for Troy Davis because of what they have heard; yet they want to see Conrad Murray either rot in hell or prison.

Is it fair for the same fans that were shouting "Justice for Michael" in 2005 and are now shouting "Justice 4 MJ" to be ready to become judge, jury, and executioner for Conrad Murray?

I must have missed the police statement that went something like this:

Detective Donald Nutkins said outside 100 North Carolwood Drive this morning: "We have a pretty open and shut case. Luckily for the investigation team there was hundreds of Michael Jackson fans sitting around in the bedroom, and other rooms, that saw everything that went on. I'll be surprised if Conrad Murray is not doing life for this heinous crime."

Oh that is right. I didn't miss that statement because it never happened.

I'm not defending Conrad Murray in any way, shape, or form I just feel that he should be given his opportunity in a court of law. That is not to say the justice system is 100% correct, and yes it makes mistakes, but that is what we have to live with.

A lot of messed up shit happened in North Carolwood Drive. And from what has been reported only half of it may be true and the rest complete bullshit. I don't know because I was not there. Only two people know for sure what happened on the morning of June 25, 2009 at 100 North Carolwood Drive and neither one of them is saying much.

(Like an adventure book you get to choose your own path now. Read which section you feel fits you better.)

Believers read this bit: Conrad Murray is sticking with the story he is meant to stick to. He knows exactly what happened and although a million and one clues were left he has to play his part to the very end. Michael may very well clear Conrad's name in the near future.

Non-believers read this bit: Conrad Murray isn't saying what is going on because he is charged with the death of Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson isn't saying anything because in one way or another he unfortunately died.

(Everyone can read the last bit.)

We may never know the full facts of what happened at the home of Michael Jackson on the morning of June 25, 2009. But should we fall into the trap of judging a person because of what has been said in the media much like what was done to Michael Jackson back in 2005?

And while we are on the subject of hypocrisy now might be a good time to mention the religious people that have already condemned Conrad Murray. As one of the Unholy Trinity I don't actually believe this; but here is a couple of quotes from your Bible:

"So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7 KJV)

"Judge not, that ye be not judged." (Matthew 7:1 KJV)

So all the religious people can get off their high horses if they have condemned Conrad Murray already. Unless they want to admit they only pick and choose the bits from the Bible that fit with their life choices.

Is The Hoax Dead?

With a little over 2 years since the Michael Jackson death hoax started; is it time to call it quits?

Ask any Michael Jackson fan to describe Michael and you will hear phrases such as:

• Legend
• Icon
• Loving
• Caring.
• Great father
• Humanitarian
• Selfless

With that said would a caring, loving, humanitarian pull such a hoax on his fans? Does not sound very caring or loving. Would he allow his family to go through 2 years of turmoil for a hoax? Because no matter what, whether a hoax or not, the family have been through the ringer for the last 2 years.

Some have suggested the family are unaware that the death of their family member is a hoax because Michael Jackson is under protection after receiving some kind of death threat over his music catalog and various song rights ownership.

It may be slightly possible. But when Michael Jackson received death threats previously it was dealt with without some elaborate hoax. And as for all the shady 'key players' that have been suggested that may have had some involvement in a 'death conspiracy' they are all still doing what they were before June 25, 2009.

Some have indicated that the Illuminati may have been plotting to kill Michael Jackson for his music catalog. But in the grand scheme of things the music catalog is neither important or of great value.

See, according to all the myths and legends that surround the Illuminati; they control all the governments of the world and all the money of said governments. With governments all around the world dealing in trillions of dollars the Michael Jackson music catalog, valued, approximately, at best at around 1 billion dollars is a mere drop in the ocean. Why kill a man for a billion when you have trillions and trillions? Also the idea that Michael Jackson was such a threat to the Illuminati is a little hard to believe. Once again according to the myths and legends that surround the Illuminati they can have anyone taken out whenever they feel like it; after all if you control the government you control all the government (for example the FBI, CIA, police, etc.).

Then there is all the inconsistencies that have happened on, and since, June 25, 2009 that are connected to the death and all the aspects after it. Some have suggested the death certificate is fake, the autopsy is fake, and the will is fake. But are these really inconsistencies? Time and time again the system has been shown to be failing; not just in the case of Michael Jackson but in every day circumstances too. Are system failings enough to declare a hoax?

And then there is Conrad Murray, who in September will be facing an involuntary manslaughter charge. Many believe Murray will walk and thus prove a hoax. Unfortunately, recent events in the Casey Anthony trial have proven that the justice system is not perfect.  Some jurors from that trial have stated they felt Casey Anthony was indeed guilty but the evidence presented to support that claim was lacking. The case against Conrad Murray, from what we have seen so far, is based purely on circumstantial evidence and as such does not appear to meet the high standards to prove "without a doubt". So Murray may indeed walk away from all this with nothing more than a slightly tarnished reputation; but is that enough to say it is a hoax?

I am not saying it is not a hoax; but if it is it has to involve a lot of people and be so well planned that no informer, or wannabe informer, is going on to Twitter, a blog, a forum, or Facebook to announce a return. And if it was because of some 'death conspiracy' against Michael Jackson then I don't expect a return anytime soon; if ever.

No Love.

The Trial: The Finale

It is July 2011 and the trial of Conrad Murray has reached its conclusion. The final day of questioning begins.

Judge: Order. Order. Lets get some order in this court. I know today is the last day so let us not mess about with objections if we can. And I'd like to remind council I have a golf tee of at 3:30PM so keep it brief. Mr Chernoff you have the floor; call your next witness.
Chernoff: Thank you your honor. For my final witness, who is not on the witness list, I'd like to call Michael Jackson.
Walgren: Objection.
Judge: Make it good Mr Walgren.
Walgren: He is calling the deceased. Your honor surely ...
Judge: Mr Walgren I am well aware who Michael Jackson is after all I am not a paramedic. Mr Chernoff I am allowing the witness; and furthermore he has five minutes to take the stand.

In the courtroom there was a disturbance as an elderly man removed his hat, took off his glasses, and removed the scarf from around his face. He stood up and took his long coat off. Jermaine Jackson spoke to him.

Jermaine: Michael, you are alive, my brother is it really you?
Michael: Yes Jermaine it is me. By the way that tribute - that is just one reason I hate your greasy face.

Michael makes his way to the witness stand and took a seat. He wondered why it was called a stand when there was a chair; but that wasn't important.

Judge: You sure you are Michael Jackson?
Michael: Yes your honor.
Judge: Just checking. Don't want you to turn out to be ECasanova. Wouldn't happen to have a driving license?
Michael: Yes your honor.

Michael hands his driving license to the Judge who inspects it.

Judge: Hey Walgren you owe me $50. The middle name says Joe. OK Mr Chernoff I'm satisfied the witness is Michael Jackson. I suppose you want me to dismiss the case against your client?
Chernoff: No your honor. I'd like to be given time to question Mr Jackson.
Judge: Look he is here. No need to question him. Your client, no matter how shady he appears, is obviously innocent.
Chernoff: I understand your honor but there are some facts I'd like entered into public record.
Judge: OK make it quick. Mr Walgren any objection?
Walgren: No your honor. I have already lost the case and the bet. No point worrying about anything now. Hell if Jesus was a surprise witness I would not be surprised.
Judge: Very funny Mr Walgren. OK Mr Chernoff proceed.

Chernoff starts to question Michael Jackson.

Chernoff: Could you state your full name for the court.
Michael: Michael Joe Jackson.
Chernoff: Mr Jackson are you dead?
Michael: Do I look dead?
Judge: Mr Chernoff we have established Mr Jackson is alive. Get on with it.
Chernoff: Mr Jackson on June 25, 2009 did you purposefully fake your death?
Michael: Yes I did.
Chernoff: And why was that?
Michael: The problems I was having with the Legion Of Doom.
Chernoff: What?
Michael: That is what me and Conrad called the Nation Of Islam.
Chernoff: And do you see Mr Conrad Murray in the court?

Michael points at Conrad Murray.

Michael: Well that is Conrad Murray. But that is not his real name.
Chernoff: Do you know the real name of Mr Murray?
Michael: Yes. It is Soule Shaun. We thought it would be funny to use his name at the hospital. That way in reality Soule Shaun did enter the hospital.
Chernoff: I see. And why was Mr Murray at your residence on June 25, 2009?
Michael: He was assigned to protect me and assist me in disappearing.
Chernoff: Escaping from the Legion Of Doom?
Michael: Hee hee.
Chernoff: I mean escaping from the Nation Of Islam?
Michael: Yes.
Chernoff: Would you care to elaborate?
Michael: Well, the Nation Of Islam were taking over my life. They were assigned as my security yet they were really my captors. And Dr Tohme Tohme, or Tum Tum as we referred to him, was orchestrating it all to try and get my assets. He is one of them you know.
Chernoff: And to avoid this you faked your death?
Michael: It is a bit more complicated than that. Let me explain.
Chernoff: Please do.
Michael: Well, with the Nation Of Islam after me I contacted the FBI. And they suggested a meeting and so it didn't look suspicious we met at Dr Arnie Klein's office. At the first meeting it was suggested I needed a FBI agent to protect me from any threat to my life. But so the Nation Of Islam didn't suspect anything the FBI agent was to act as my doctor.
Chernoff: And the reason for the name change?
Michael: Because he was undercover. That is why if you look at his background it has more holes than Swiss cheese.
Chernoff: So why the elaboration of making it look like Conrad Murray had killed you?
Michael: I couldn't just die. I had just passed an extreme physical for the tour insurance. There would be too many questions. Also, the Nation Of Islam might think it suspicious and watch for signs of me being alive; or trail Conrad.
Chernoff: So for the last two years you have been in protective custody?
Michael: Hell no. I've been all over the place. As far as anyone was concerned I was dead. So if people saw me they just thought I was an impersonator.
Chernoff: I see.
Michael: No you didn't. I was at the preliminary hearing and you didn't see me.
Chernoff: You were?
Michael: Yes. Don't you remember that slender blond you gave your number to? That was me.
Chernoff: Really? That would explain why she, I mean you, didn't call.
Michael: Nobody was looking for me so they didn't see me. It was an illusion. And if someone said they saw me they just looked like a redneck National Enquirer reader.
Walgren: Objection. I read the National Enquirer.
Judge: Figures. Shut up redneck.
Chernoff: Finally Mr Jackson, do you now intend to return to your normal life?
Michael: My life is far from normal. I wake in the morning and the paparazzi are taking shots of my bedroom window before I even take my morning dump. But yes I will be returning to my life and children.
Chernoff: No further questions your honor.
Judge: Mr Walgren would you like to cross examine the witness?
Walgren: What is the point? I am here to try Conrad Murray for killing Michael Jackson. Firstly, Conrad Murray is not Conrad Murray. Secondly, Michael Jackson is alive. I worked for two and a half years solid on this case. I missed my wife's birthday because of it. And then today I find all my work was for nothing.
Judge: OK Mr Walgren nobody wants to hear your whiny sob story. Save it for someone who gives a shit. Mr Jackson you are excused.
Michael: Thank you your honor. I have a press conference to attend.

Michael leaves the court surrounded by camera crews and reporters. Meanwhile back in the court.

Judge: Would the defendant rise.

Conrad Murray stands up.

Judge: Mr Murray, Mr Shaun, Mr Soule or whatever your real name is. You are hereby free to leave this court and the case against you is dismissed. Your medical licenses will be reinstated.
Murray: Thank you your honor. But I don't actually have any medical licenses; it was just a cover.
Judge: Yes yes. Anyway, court dismissed. Now get this circus out of here so I can go play golf.

Peace.

Cuss Count: Very Low

Legal Notice: This court case has no bearing on the criminal proceedings against Conrad Murray. Nor does this blog offer any legal advice to Conrad or his attorneys. This post is satire; and should not be considered legal advice by anyone with two or more brain cells.

The Trial

The following is just a possibility of what may happen on the last couple of days when Conrad Murray goes to trial. As always; all persons mentioned are innocent unless proven otherwise in a court of law.

July 2011

In a packed courthouse which has seen testimony after testimony come forward with conflicting stories; finally the moment some have been so anxiously waiting for:

Judge: Order. Order. This court now resumes in the case of People versus Murray. Mr Chernoff please call your next witness.
Chernoff: Your honor I call the defendant, the man of the hour, Mr bad tie himself, the one, the only, Conrad Murray.

Conrad leaves the defense area and makes his way to the stand. The judge notices yet another awful tie; this one reminding him of a road crash victim that had been slaughtered by a semi truck.

Judge: For the record state your full name, your current address, and why you are wearing that god-awful tie.
Murray: I plead the fifth amendment your honor.
Judge: I only asked your name and address. The tie comment was just a little joke.
Murray: Yes I know your honor. But I would still like to plead the fifth.
Judge: Council approach the bench.

Both Chernoff and Walgren approach the bench. All three speak off mic.

Judge: I don't know kind of shit you are trying to pull here.
Chernoff: I assure you all will become clear in time your honor.
Judge: Prosecution, you know anything about this?
Walgren: No your honor. And I must say it is most unusual.
Judge: Unusual? He's turning my court into a fucking circus.
Chernoff: Your honor if you will bear with me all will become clear.
Judge: Look Chernoff I don't like you and I don't like your client so make this fucking charade real damn quick.
Chernoff: Yes your honor.
Walgren: Objection.
Judge: Overruled. I have golf this weekend and I would like to play with a clear head. So let's get this shit over with.

The prosecutor returns to his desk. The judge takes a quick swig of whiskey. Chernoff prepares to question Conrad Murray.

Chernoff: For the purpose of these proceedings I will refer to you as Conrad Murray even though you refuse to confirm that. Is that OK?
Murray: Yes it is.
Chernoff: Conrad on June 25, 2009 at approximately 9:30AM where were you?
Murray: I was at 100 N. Carolwood Drive; the home of Michael Jackson.
Chernoff: And why was you there?
Murray: I had been assigned to look after Mr Jackson.
Chernoff: And did this 'care' include the well-being of Mr Jackson?
Murray: In a way yes.
Walgren: Objection. The defendant was employed by AEG as a doctor therefore the 'well-being' of Mr Jackson should have been his primary concern.
Chernoff: Your honor we are going to cover that.
Judge: Well make it quick. Objection overruled.
Chernoff: Thank you your honor. So, Conrad was AEG your employer at the time the alleged crime took place?
Murray: No. They had drawn up a contract which I had not signed. Also they had not paid me at that point. So without a legal contract of employment and no monetary compensation I was not employed by AEG.
Walgren: Objection
Judge: Overruled.
Walgren: But I haven't stated why.
Judge: I really don't care why. You are starting to piss me off with objecting every fucking thing.
Walgren: But your honor.
Judge: Look, shut it. One more interruption without good reason and I will find you in contempt of court.
Walgren: That is bullshit.
Judge: What?
Walgren: Nothing.
Judge: That is what I thought. Now, continue Mr Chernoff.

Chernoff resumes questioning Conrad Murray.

Chernoff: So if AEG was not your employer why were you at the residence of Mr Jackson?
Murray: I'd rather not say.
Chernoff: OK. For the record let it state that Mr Conrad Murray was not employed by AEG, legally, as a personal physician for Mr Jackson. And therefore as he was not engaged in his legal duties as a doctor he is covered by the 'Good Samaritan' clause of law as established by the Supreme Court in California.
Walgren: Objection.
Judge: Overruled. As long as Mr Chernoff can prove that Mr Murray, or whoever he is, has documented proof.
Chernoff: Your honor I refer to evidence CM001A-B, the employment contract between AEG and Conrad Murray, which was retrieved by the LAPD on June 29, 2009 at the Jackson residence. You'll notice the lack of signatures on behalf of AEG. As both parties had not signed the contract it is in no way legally binding.
Judge: Ooh that is good. I did not see that one coming I'll admit.
Chernoff: Thank you your honor.
Judge: OK Mr Chernoff I'm going to indulge myself and allow the proposed argument; unless prosecution has anything to contradict it.
Walgren: No your honor. In the words of a well-known prostitute - we could be fucked here.
Judge: It would appear so. OK Mr Chernoff back to questioning.
Chernoff: The defense has no further questions at this time for the defendant.
Judge: Really? You are leaving it at that? OK if you say so. Mr Walgren your witness.

Prosecution starts to question Conrad Murray.

Walgren: Sir if you would state your full name for the record.
Judge: Michael Pastor.
Walgren: Sorry your honor I was addressing the defendant.
Murray: I plead the fifth amendment.
Walgren: So you cannot give the court your full name without incriminating yourself?
Murray: In a roundabout way that is correct.
Judge: Council we did this already. Just move on.
Walgren: But your honor.
Judge: The only but at the moment is you. Just get on with it.
Walgren: Anyway. So you plead the fifth on your name. Care to enlighten the court as to why?
Murray: Not really. Not at this time. It is none of your business.
Walgren: Talking of business. Just exactly what was you doing on the phone while Mr Jackson need you?
Murray: Actually I was taking care of business on behalf of Mr Jackson.
Walgren: Let me get this straight. While Mr Jackson is taking his last breaths you were completing the business affairs of Mr Jackson?
Murray: I never said they were his last breaths. You did. Surely you wouldn't want to be seen as badgering the witness?
Walgren: Mr Murray I'll ask the questions. Thank you.
Murray: You are welcome.
Walgren: So exactly what business were you taking care of?
Murray: Travel arrangements and the like.
Walgren: So your client, and alleged friend, is dying and you want to arrange travel?
Murray: You have some fixation that Michael was dying. Where did you get that idea?
Walgren: Mr Murray the world saw the ambulance picture. The world saw Mr Jackson being stretchered to the helicopter.
Murray: The world saw what it wanted to see. Even my good friend Brian Oxman has declared the ambulance picture as a fake; a hoax if you will.
Walgren: So you are suggesting that Mr Michael Jackson was not in the ambulance?
Murray: I'm not suggesting anything. I'm telling you Michael Jackson was not in that ambulance.
Walgren: So who was Mr Murray?
Murray: That is confidential.
Walgren: Objection your honor. The defendant must answer the question.
Judge: Overruled. Move on. I don't care for this line of questioning. Valuable drinking time is being wasted. Let us just agree to disagree.
Walgren: Your honor I must protest.
Judge: Protest all you want. My court my rules. If you don't like it don't play in my court.
Walgren: This is highly irregular.
Judge: Mr Walgren we are not here to discuss court procedures. Either you question the defendant or sit down and shut the hell up.
Walgren: So Mr Murray when you went to the UCLA emergency room ...
Judge: (Laughing)
Walgren: Your honor?
Judge: Sorry, but every time you I have heard UCLA mentioned I think of Mr Murray dressed as a construction worker doing the YMCA dance. Carry on.
Walgren: So Mr Murray when you were at the UCLA emergency room did you mention to anyone that Mr Jackson was alive, well, and elsewhere?
Murray: Are you fucking crazy? Do you even know what a fake or a hoax is?
Walgren: Yes I do.
Murray: So what is with the dumb questions?
Walgren: I'll ask the questions. Fuck it. The witness is excused. I don't see the point any more. As a public servant I command respect not to be treated like some court jester.
Judge: (Laughing) Court jester. That was a good one. OK if you are done with the defendant. We shall retire for the day and resume whenever I remember to.
Walgren: Yes your honor.
Chernoff: Thank you your honor.
Murray: OK I'm off down to the gym.
Judge: This court is adjourned until the blogger writes the second piece of this shit.

Peace.

Cuss Count: Medium

Legal Notice: This court case has no bearing on the criminal proceedings against Conrad Murray. Nor does this blog offer any legal advice to Conrad or his attorneys. This post is satire; and should not be considered legal advice by anyone with two or more brain cells.

Hoax Look-A-Likes

With the Michael Jackson hoax death has come many clues from many varied sources. But could some more clues be hidden; that just have not been found yet? Do look-a-likes possibly hold the key to further clues?

Below are some of the possible look-a-likes that may, or may not, hold some clues to the hoax:

Jason Pfeiffer - Big Boy

Conrad Murray - Dr. Hibbert

Joe Jackson - Pimp C

Latoya Jackson - Troll Doll

Tito Jackson - Fred The Flourgrader

Jermaine Jackson - California Raisin

Arnie Klein - Dwight Schrute

Kenny Ortega - Dudley Moore

Peace.

Cuss Count: None (Due To Lack Of Words)

Legal Notice: It is highly unlikely that look-a-likes hold the key to any clues, as such the author of this post, and blog, is not responsible for time wasted by anyone looking for clues based on this post. As always this post is merely satire.

Conrad Murray's New Book

At a crowded press conference, sponsored by Barnes & Noble and AstraZeneca, held in downtown Los Angeles, Conrad Murray signed, and publicized his new book entitled "How I Killed Michael Jackson".

Although the publishers of the book, Random House Inc, were quick to point out that the book is a work of fiction and not based on fact or any events which may seem similar.

Speaking for Random House Inc. Stuart Applebaum had this to say: "We have worked with Conrad heavily on this book to ensure that it does not in any way, shape, or form, look like Conrad Murray is actually admitting guilt. The book is a work of fiction, which by it's very definition means that it is a literary work based on the imagination and not necessarily on fact. Random House are in no way trying to decide the fate of Conrad Murray."

Conrad Murray, who appeared to be a bit worse for wear from alcohol consumption, had this to say: "Everyone is writing books about Michael Jackson so why not me? I got kids to pay for, legal bills, and I have a large tab at the Club Paradise strip club. This book doesn't mean I am guilty at all, it is just if I did do it this is how I would have done it. Hell, OJ Simpson wrote a book called If I Did It and that sold loads of copies. I'm just trying to get my slice of the pie. I have had just about enough of all these Justice4MJ people standing outside court insulting me as I enter and leave. This is basically saying shut the hell up and leave me alone. I don't stand outside their house shouting insults at them every time they come and go; so they should be paying me the same courtesy."

The family of Michael Jackson are outraged at the book and have so far refused to comment. Although Joe Jackson, father of Michael Jackson, did release a statement:

"The family as a whole are outraged by this book. Nobody in their right mind would even think of writing such a book while a criminal trial is taking place. But on the other hand I see it from Conrad's point of view too - a brother has got to make money. The man has got bills just like the rest of us and he has to pay those bills. We have all done something we are not proud of to make sure there is food on the plate. I remember one time, back in Indiana, we was poor and Michael wasn't the golden egg yet, I had to pimp Katherine out. Oh you should have seen those drunk sailors lining up trying to convert her away from Jehovah. Man, that was a sight."

Abigail Baron, spokesperson for AstraZeneca, said: "As one of the leading pharmaceutical companies in the world we cannot condone what this book says about medications. Basically it says pump someone full of our product and they will die. But at the same time any publicity is good publicity for our product."

One of the chilling paragraphs in the book reads:

"I went into the room and saw Michael dying. I decided to call a few people. I spoke to the pastor of my church and he reminded me that I should update my Facebook status. As I put the phone down I looked down at the bed, noting to myself how soft and comfy it looked, and I thought if I ever do CPR I could really mess it up by doing it on the bed. As I stood watching Michael slowly slip away, a bodyguard entered the room and started dialing 911. I had to stall him, I couldn't let my weeks of planning go to waste. I told the bodyguard to tell the 911 operator I was a doctor - he didn't know that I was actually a vet."

The book is expected to have an international release in time for Christmas; although no date has been fixed as of yet.

Peace.

Cuss Count: None

Legal Notice: This book does not exist, and most likely never will exist. Barnes & Noble, AstraZeneca, Conrad Murray, The Jackson Family, Joe Jackson and the Club Paradise Strip Club have nothing to do with this non-existent book. This post is merely satire, possibly in poor taste, but still satire. And on the plus side it doesn't mention Nazi lesbians, gay clowns, the number 7, or the Illuminati.

Usama Bin Laden Speaks About The Hoax

Continuing the series of guest authors discussing the hoax Usama Bin Laden...


Pay attention, this is the leader of the free world, Usama Bin Laden. Ensure you spell my name with an 'U' and not an 'O' you infidel pigs of the western world.

I am here today to tell you infidel scum that Mr. Michael Jackson is most definitely alive. Just like your lazy, stupid, army that cannot find me you will never find Mr. Michael Jackson as he has chosen to part himself from the madness that the Zionist media and so-called fans have created.

First, let me clear your weak infidel minds of a very important fact. Mr. Michael Jackson is not, and has never been, a Muslim. The Muslim people were unlucky enough to get Mr. Jermaine Jackson; the less talented one. And unbeknown to him I have arranged with the most gracious Allah that his 72 virgins are all male.

Now that your infidel minds have been cleared of one media lie I will enlighten you with regards to other media lies that your government has allowed to be spread so maliciously.

On the morning of June 25, 2009 Mr. Conrad Murray did indeed make telephone calls. One of these calls was to Abdul, a friend of mine, and Mr. Conrad Murray asked Abdul about hiding someone where nobody could find them. Abdul gave Mr. Conrad Murray various details, which I choose not to disclose to you infidels, which allowed Mr. Michael Jackson to slip away without the media knowing.

There is a Mr. Ben Evenstad who has made various claims about the alleged photograph in the ambulance knows what he has said is nothing but lies. And as such in my capacity as leader of the free world I have issued a jihad against this infidel photographer for his disgraceful, and most heinous, lies.

Some of you infidels have suggested that Mr. Michael Jackson is hiding at Neverland. I can assure you weak westerners that he is not here.

Also, some of your lesbian infidels have claimed that Mr. Elvis Presley may have something to do with a 'double bam'. In the words of the most honorable, and distinguished, Dr. Dre - "That is some serious bullshit motherfucker." This theory is laughable. When I read this I thought it was some kind of western humor. However, when the 'spam the media' campaign began I issued a fatwa against these lesbians for their hurtful, and stupid, lies. Mr. Elvis Presley has told me that he is not making a return.

As the western, if not the entire, world watched events on June 25, 2009 you saw only what the Zionist media wanted you to see. However, in this case the media were played as puppets as Mr. Michael Jackson, assisted by Mr. Conrad Murray, allowed the media to only see what he wanted them to see.

To truly understand the depth, and enormity, of this hoax you must free your mind of the media and government lies that have been fed to you for so long. You must look deep into yourselves for the real truth.

May Allah Be with you.

Cuss Count: Very Low

Legal Notice: Usama Bin Laden has never openly stated his position on the Michael Jackson hoax. This post is satire and as such no disrespect is meant to Muslims, lesbians, and male virgins.

New Propofol Advertising Announced

Today Astra Zeneca announced a new advertising campaign for the drug it markets as Propofol.

Nigel Poole, spokesperson for Astra Zeneca, said: "Ever since last year our company has received a lot of bad press over Propofol. It didn't help that it was the drug allegedly used by Dr. Conrad Murray; and in turn was attributed to the fatal cardiac arrest suffered by Michael Jackson. Through a process of think tanks and research we have decide to use the negative as an advantage and in the fall of this year will be plastering billboards across the United States with our new advertisements."



Some have suggested that Astra Zeneca are merely attempting to make money off of the name Michael Jackson. One such opponent of the new advertising, Brian Oxman said "Its a fucking joke. This man kills the king of pop and then he gets an advertising contract to market the same drug that he used to kill Michael Jackson."

Jermaine Jackson, brother of Michael Jackson, said "I use it all the time. I use it on the wife. I come home and she starts on about my hair looking greasier than a deep fat fryer and shit. So I just give her a shot and tell her that its the hair that makes the money. She usually has about 7 seconds to answer before the Propofol kicks in."

Jason Weinberg, manager of Lindsay Lohan, had this to say "Obviously my client couldn't be here today but she is here in spirit. Lindsay never wanted to get mixed up with Murray in any way but who knows one day they may be in the same correctional facility. How many other people made $25,000 while sitting in jail and rehab?"

Talking about the advertising Conrad Murray said "I got vacations to pay for, I got child support to pay, I got strippers to pay, and I got to eat too. There aint no fucking patients coming to me for medical advice. Hell, some little punk sprayed 'Rot In Hell Dr Death' on my vehicle. When Astra Zeneca contacted me and said I would get $15,000 I jumped all over it. What the fuck do you mean Lindsay Lohan got $25,000? She aint nothing but a skanky fucking whore. I'm worth more than that drunk ass bitch. Get me my fucking lawyer."


The advertising campaign is expected to start in early October.

Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: Nobody really was at the announcement as it never happened. All names used are used in satire. Propofol is not really that good for you.

Michael Jackson Tweets

As I am sure many of you are aware not only is Michael Jackson alive and well he is tweeting his little white socks off.

Sorry, but he isn't tweeting.

Let us all get on the magical bus and take a virtual time-travel journey to 100 North Carolwood Drive on June 25, 2009. Michael fakes his death and has the worlds media watching every step of it unravel a little bit at a time. Yes, the whole fucking world was watching, within 24 hours almost everyone in the world had seen the infamous pictures of the ambulance leaving the home of Michael Jackson.

Hope you enjoyed the tour. Now anyone who has tweeted to someone thinking it to be Michael Jackson, a friend of Michael Jackson, or an insider who worked with Michael Jackson and is telling you clues via Twitter, can get the fuck off the bus. This bus is heading for reality and you obviously are not ready for reality.

No matter if you think Michael is alive or is dead the one thing that nobody can argue with is that Michael Jackson was a megastar. Everyone knows who he is. Doesn't matter if you live in the middle of some African jungle, with no TV, or radio, you know who Michael Jackson is. If you live in the middle of a desert with no water, no electric, and only a passing camel to call traffic you still know who Michael is.

Through the process of rational thought we, together, have proven that Michael is famous the world over. So what makes any of you monkey lovers think that Michael is going to comeback, or announce his comeback, through Twitter?

Seriously a tweet comes from @TheRealMJ saying "Hi this Michael Jackson but twitter hasn't verified my account because they think I am dead." and you jump up and down, all giddy that Michael Jackson is tweeting to you. Wake up smell the coffee, and accept that injection of reality from Conrad Murray. Michael is not tweeting you. Chances are Michael will never tweet you.

Then we have all the friends and insiders that are tweeting cryptic clues to when Michael is coming back. Once again it is not going to happen. Do you really think that Michael Jackson is telling someone to give cryptic clues as to when he is coming back?

Michael: Hey Dave can you tell the people on Twitter when I am coming back?
Dave: Sure I'll do it right now Michael.
Michael: No wait, don't just tell them. Make them add some numbers up and then they will have to work out what the numbers mean.
Dave: Couldn't we just tell them?
Michael: Yeah we could but let us have a little fun first. Make them work for it.
Dave: That is no way to treat your fans.
Michael: True.
Dave: Why are we announcing in Twitter any way?
Michael: We are not. Do you realize the amount of effort that went into this hoax? Think I'm going to announce it on Twitter to someone following 17 other Michael Jacksons?
Dave: Well you did say ...
Michael: I was making a point.

But we don't have to just worry about the mentality of these people following the 17 Michael Jacksons we have to worry what are the motives of the people pretending to be Michael Jackson, his friends, and the insiders? Is it loneliness? Is it that their own real life is so pathetic that they can only get enjoyment in their miserable lives by
fooling people?

There is a real Michael Jackson Twitter account it is @michaeljackson - it is verified and is linked to the official Michael Jackson website which surprisingly is www.michaeljackson.com - there is no other Twitter account for Michael Jackson.

So now we have the real account who are the fakes?

@TheRealMJackson, 0 tweets, following 27, 26843 followers.
@MJJackson1958, 11 tweets, following 20, 3727 followers.
@mj0898, 0 tweets, following 77, 484 followers.
@themikeofficial, 4427 tweets, following 558, 5909 followers.
@mikejackson, 0 tweets, following 0, 16 followers.
@MichaelJune2010, 3285 tweets, following 426, 1409 followers.
@thisisalmostit, 61 tweets, following 30, 680 followers.
@RealKingOfPOp, 3 tweets, following 3, 974 followers.

We have a possible 40,000 delusional people that think Michael Jackson is tweeting. And that is not even including all the crackheads and dumb losers that are claiming to give clues about where Michael is; and when he is coming back.

Think about it. The man is a superstar, known throughout the world, and has faked his death; and now he is going to sit and tweet to just anybody that will follow him? I don't think so.


Peace.

Legal Notice: Twitter owns the fail whale until some Japanese whaling boat captures it.