Jermaine Tweets Life Not Death

OK I know I'm blocked by the greased wonder but today he tweeted some stuff worth mentioning.

"Mother is also guided by private discussions with Michael. Trust me, a mother knows her son...better than anyone (inc executors)"

So does it mean Michael is alive? It came from Jermaine, who was the only Jackson to deny that Marlon used a Twitter account, so who knows.

But as Katherine Jackson is a Jehovah Witness she doesn't talk to the dead.

Jehovah Witnesses believe that when someone dies "the dead are not conscious of anything they are like in a deep sleep. They can not see or hear or move or talk and that no part of us lives on. So Jehovah's witnesses do not believe in life after death.Until Jehovah through his son Jesus will one day bring this earth back to his original purpose of a paradise, when he will also bring back all those who have died to life in that new paradise earth."

Even the official Jehovah Witness website covers the subject:

False religion has left many confused as to the whereabouts and condition of the dead. Heaven, hell, purgatory, Limbo—these and various other destinations range from being incomprehensible to being downright terrifying. The Bible, on the other hand, tells us that the dead are unconscious; they are in a condition best compared to sleep. (Ecclesiastes 9:5,10; John 11:11-14) Thus, we need not worry about what happens to us after death, any more than we worry when we see someone sleeping soundly. Jesus spoke of a time when "all those in the memorial tombs" would "come out" to renewed life on a paradise earth. (John 5:28, 29; Luke 23:43)

Wikipedia states:

Jehovah's Witnesses believe death is a state of non-existence with no consciousness. There is no Hell of fiery torment; Hades and Sheol are understood to refer to the condition of death, termed the common grave. Jehovah's Witnesses consider the soul to be a life or a living body that can die. Their hope for life after death involves being resurrected by God to a cleansed earth after Armageddon. Watch Tower Society publications teach that humanity is in a sinful state, from which release is only possible by means of Jesus' shed blood as a payment, or atonement, for the sins of humankind.

So if Katherine is truly having "private discussions" with Michael Jackson - there is no way he can be dead.

Peace

Cuss Count: Zero

Legal Notice: I have no religious belief. The opinions in this post are from the official Jehovah Witness website and Wikipedia. Non believers chew on that.

Tweets You Will Never See

With an average of 140 million tweets sent each and every day; there are some tweets you just wish would, one day, turn up in your Twitter time line.

Here are just a few that people are waiting to see appear:

Michael Jackson:

TMZ:

Justin Bieber:

 Jermaine Jackson:

Nelson De La Nuez:

Charles Manson:

Lindsay Lohan:

Barack Obama:

Peace.

Cuss Count: Zero

Legal Notice: None of these tweets have taken place at the time of writing; as it is merely satire. Do not quote these quotes as being from the accounts. This post is satire; and is not connected to the real world or any news agency.

Unfollow This

I got unfollowed on Twitter again. No big deal - shit happens. But this person did at least DM (Direct Message) me and tell me why they unfollowed me on Twitter:

"I unfollowed you. Not because of you as a person but because you swear and cuss too much."

Fair enough. I have never held a gun to the head of anyone and said "You must follow me or I will kill you." Everyone that follows me on Twitter has followed me of their own free will. And everyone who has unfollowed me has also done so on their own free will.

But I got to thinking, and went back in my tweet archives (using http://backupmytweets.com/ because Twitter itself only lets you see your last 3,200 tweets) and lo and behold I found a tweet from the very same person when they first started following me. That one read:

"Love your blog thanks for allowing me to follow you."

As can be seen from the tweet there are two things which are apparent. Firstly, it was back in the day when my Twitter account was protected and people had to request to follow. Secondly, they followed me on Twitter because they had been reading my blog.

You have to bear in mind that the tweet when they started following me was back in December 2009. So I went back to my blog and thought maybe I went through a period of never cussing, or swearing, and that is when they started following me. No it didn't happen; actually back in December 2009 I was swearing like a trooper. Every other word was "fuck", "fucktard", or "cunt". And to be honest, most of my later posts on the blog have had a hell of a lot less cussing and swearing in them. At a quick guess I would estimate that me swearing and cussing has actually gone down by about 80%.

So this left me with the one question on my mind - Why did they unfollow me? It obviously wasn't the cussing as that has actually gone down from when they first started following me. Personally I don't care why they stopped following me on Twitter; but what I do wonder is why they lied.

Now this got me to thinking. It is a rare thing; but sometimes I do actually think before I write these posts. Why lie? Seriously, if you unfollow someone you don't have to tell them. But why would someone go to the lengths of sending a Direct Message which is a lie just before unfollowing you? Has the hoax on Twitter hit such low levels that now people need to lie before they unfollow you?

There is a guide for a successful unfollow. It is this:

1. Decide which person you no longer want to follow.
2. Unfollow them.

That is it. No long winded process. You were following them on Twitter; it wasn't some relationship. No need for an explanation.

And if you are the unfollowee (the person who was unfollowed) don't worry about it. No need to air your dirty laundry across the Twitter time-line with your pleas of "Why did you unfollow me?" Just let it go, because more than likely tomorrow you will have 2 new followers for one reason and another.

Which all leads me to the point I was thinking about before I actually started typing this post. Nobody is ever going to agree 100% with everyone else. Just never going to happen. You are never going to have Rabbi Shmuley admitting he is an asshole for releasing a book and you are never going to get Jermaine Jackson to admit that if he isn't making enough money he really needs to give up the entertainment business and get a real job.

And that is Twitter. It is like a miniature version of the planet. People of all different races, sexes, and religions all putting their 140 character opinions and thoughts out there. Nobody is expected to agree 100% just like real life.

So, without further ado, I would like to wish all those that have indeed unfollowed me a great life. Thanks for being part of the journey.

Twitter just needs to calm the fuck down. Each and everyone on there is just one person in a sea of people. If someone comments negatively about a tweet don't consider it an insult consider it the beginning of a debate.


Peace.

Cuss Count: Medium

Legal Notice: None required for a change. My lawyer friend can breathe a sigh of relief that nothing needs to be checked. Hell I don't even have to mention "satire" to cover my ass.

Note: I just got through reading the post and it seems I may have gone a bit soft towards the end. Don't fucking worry about it. I'm still obnoxious, I'm still an asshole, and normal service will resume by the end of the week. And if you want an argumentative point - I'll say Michael Jackson is dead just to piss you off.

Michael Jackson Tweets

As I am sure many of you are aware not only is Michael Jackson alive and well he is tweeting his little white socks off.

Sorry, but he isn't tweeting.

Let us all get on the magical bus and take a virtual time-travel journey to 100 North Carolwood Drive on June 25, 2009. Michael fakes his death and has the worlds media watching every step of it unravel a little bit at a time. Yes, the whole fucking world was watching, within 24 hours almost everyone in the world had seen the infamous pictures of the ambulance leaving the home of Michael Jackson.

Hope you enjoyed the tour. Now anyone who has tweeted to someone thinking it to be Michael Jackson, a friend of Michael Jackson, or an insider who worked with Michael Jackson and is telling you clues via Twitter, can get the fuck off the bus. This bus is heading for reality and you obviously are not ready for reality.

No matter if you think Michael is alive or is dead the one thing that nobody can argue with is that Michael Jackson was a megastar. Everyone knows who he is. Doesn't matter if you live in the middle of some African jungle, with no TV, or radio, you know who Michael Jackson is. If you live in the middle of a desert with no water, no electric, and only a passing camel to call traffic you still know who Michael is.

Through the process of rational thought we, together, have proven that Michael is famous the world over. So what makes any of you monkey lovers think that Michael is going to comeback, or announce his comeback, through Twitter?

Seriously a tweet comes from @TheRealMJ saying "Hi this Michael Jackson but twitter hasn't verified my account because they think I am dead." and you jump up and down, all giddy that Michael Jackson is tweeting to you. Wake up smell the coffee, and accept that injection of reality from Conrad Murray. Michael is not tweeting you. Chances are Michael will never tweet you.

Then we have all the friends and insiders that are tweeting cryptic clues to when Michael is coming back. Once again it is not going to happen. Do you really think that Michael Jackson is telling someone to give cryptic clues as to when he is coming back?

Michael: Hey Dave can you tell the people on Twitter when I am coming back?
Dave: Sure I'll do it right now Michael.
Michael: No wait, don't just tell them. Make them add some numbers up and then they will have to work out what the numbers mean.
Dave: Couldn't we just tell them?
Michael: Yeah we could but let us have a little fun first. Make them work for it.
Dave: That is no way to treat your fans.
Michael: True.
Dave: Why are we announcing in Twitter any way?
Michael: We are not. Do you realize the amount of effort that went into this hoax? Think I'm going to announce it on Twitter to someone following 17 other Michael Jacksons?
Dave: Well you did say ...
Michael: I was making a point.

But we don't have to just worry about the mentality of these people following the 17 Michael Jacksons we have to worry what are the motives of the people pretending to be Michael Jackson, his friends, and the insiders? Is it loneliness? Is it that their own real life is so pathetic that they can only get enjoyment in their miserable lives by
fooling people?

There is a real Michael Jackson Twitter account it is @michaeljackson - it is verified and is linked to the official Michael Jackson website which surprisingly is www.michaeljackson.com - there is no other Twitter account for Michael Jackson.

So now we have the real account who are the fakes?

@TheRealMJackson, 0 tweets, following 27, 26843 followers.
@MJJackson1958, 11 tweets, following 20, 3727 followers.
@mj0898, 0 tweets, following 77, 484 followers.
@themikeofficial, 4427 tweets, following 558, 5909 followers.
@mikejackson, 0 tweets, following 0, 16 followers.
@MichaelJune2010, 3285 tweets, following 426, 1409 followers.
@thisisalmostit, 61 tweets, following 30, 680 followers.
@RealKingOfPOp, 3 tweets, following 3, 974 followers.

We have a possible 40,000 delusional people that think Michael Jackson is tweeting. And that is not even including all the crackheads and dumb losers that are claiming to give clues about where Michael is; and when he is coming back.

Think about it. The man is a superstar, known throughout the world, and has faked his death; and now he is going to sit and tweet to just anybody that will follow him? I don't think so.


Peace.

Legal Notice: Twitter owns the fail whale until some Japanese whaling boat captures it.