Now Thats What I Call MJHD 2

Sony/ATV announced at a press conference today, in Los Angeles, the forthcoming album entitled "Now Thats What I call MJHD 2". The album is expected to go on sale on late October.

Jimmy Asci, a spokesman for Sony/ATV Music Publishing made the following statement: "After the success of Now Thats What I Call MJHD at various rummage sales, and garage sales, around the world; it was only inevitable that there would be a second album which Sony can make money off. But this time it is different, no really it is, we are releasing this as a mark of respect to say thanks to the people that have kept the hoax alive."

The album, produced by Sony, has the Executive Producers listed as Kenny Ortega, Michael Jackson, and Joe Jackson. The trio worked with some of the biggest names in both the music industry and the remix world to produce an album that will be in the stores just in time for Christmas.


Track Listing

01. Motorhead - The Game (Sony Scam Mix)
02. Electric Six - Gay Bar (Badkolo Bum Rush Mix)
03. Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out? (MJHDC Cuss Mix)
04. Eminem - Without Me (MJ Still Hidden Mix)
05. Babylon Zoo - All The Money's Gone (Jermaine Tribute Mix)
06. C&C Music Factory - Things That Make You Go Hmm (Brian Oxman Dirty Mix)
07. Britney Spears - Circus (Memorial Mix)
08. Jackson 5 - ABC (Keep It Simple Stupid Mix)
09. Yello - The Race (Nephew Ride Mix)
10. Kanye West - Gold Digger (Debbie Rowe Purse Mix)
11. Thompson Twins - We Are Detectives (Hoaxers United Mix)
12. Dope - Die Motherfucker Die (Justice4MJ Mix)
13. Snap - The Power (Illuminati nWo Mix)
14. Aqua - Roses Are Red (.NET Mix)

I sat with the trio to discuss the album.

Joe: Let me start by saying it is not just a Christmas album. It is also a great album for Hanukkah. Jews have money too. Actually think of any religious time and this album will enhance it. Maybe not the Jews. I heard they were tighter than Katherine with money. Hell all that money and she keeps wearing the same shit day in and day out.
Michael: Dad! That is just not right. The album is for everyone.
Joe: Yeah, everyone with $17 in their pocket. And don't be putting it on iTunes. One fucker buys it and then passes it on to everyone. Never did that shit with 8 tracks.
Kenny: Sorry, what was that? I was tweeting.
Joe: Aww hell, see the shit I have to put up with. If that boy was mine he'd have more respect I'd beat it in to him.
Kenny: This album will be available on iTunes at the time of release.
Joe: Fuck. Might as well stand outside, on the corner, giving it away. I aint going to make money out of this.
MJHDC: So there are some tracks on the album people may not have considered. Why those tracks?
Michael: A diverse set of tracks were considered. We chose these final tracks because we all felt they represented what the album was about most.
Joe: What? Represent what? Gay clowns, lesbians, flowers, and your lazy brother Jermaine. What does the represent? It is bullshit that Sony hopes will sell enough to make us all rich.
Kenny: That is funny. Let me tweet it.
Joe: Why did your parents let you live?
Kenny: Sorry, I was tweeting. What was that?
Joe: Never mind.
MJHDC: There is one track on the album, Motorhead - The Game (Sony Scam Mix), how did that make it pass Sony?
Michael: Sony gave us full rights and full discretion. And my father met with Sony and explained once the final tracks were ready. And they were happy with the choices we made.
Joe: You believe that fucking shit if you want Michael. The truth is I had a list which was edited for Sony's approval. We had the track listed as Sonny Scam Mix and I said it was a tribute to Sonny and Cher. Dumb fucks fell for that shit. When it went to the printers the real version was in place. I pulled the wool over Sony's eyes big time. Years of practice as a pimp paid off.
Michael: But Dad that is being less than honest. We should always be honest. That is part of my message to the world.
Joe: Messages to the world don't put food on the table.
Kenny: I like that. I'll tweet it.
Michael: Kenny can you put your phone down just for a few minutes?
Kenny: Let me just tweet a BRB to my followers.
Joe: Give me that fucking phone. (grabs phone) You'll get it back when we are done.
Kenny: (crying) That is not fair.
Joe: Nor is the hair on my ass. Here's a quarter call someone who cares. By the way you owe me a dollar I have to put interest on.
Michael: (giggling) He used to do that with me when I got an allowance. I'm still paying the interest.
MJHDC: So Michael when will the hoax be over?
Michael: Well right now I've been reading all the numerology about the hoax. And I'll make my comeback once it is all proven to be wrong. Its kind of like the second coming of Jesus - you can't predict it. But don't read any religious sentiments into that.
Joe: Let me interrupt. You run a shitty ass blog right?
MJHDC: Well it is a blog. Not sure about the shitty bit though.
Joe: Well anyway. You think my golden egg is going to give some exclusive to a shitty blog? And he doesn't know when he'll be back. I decide shit like that. I made him I can do it again whenever I feel like it. And he won't be back until the wrongful death lawsuit is settled. I got to get my money first.
Kenny: Can I get my phone back?
Joe: No.
Kenny: Well in that case, I'd just like to add that Michael will be returning. And we have started work on a second film. Kind of like This Is It but funnier. Think of it as This Is It meets Benny Hill. It is called Hoax This!
Joe: Will you shut the fuck up. I'm going to beat your ass if you say anything else. Who let this white boy get involved?
MJHDC: Well thanks for talking with me. Any messages or that for the fans?
Joe: Yeah buy more Jackson shit. I don't give a fuck if Michael, Marlon, or even Jermaine did it. Just keep buying that stuff so I get my cut. I got suits to buy. Young women to impress. You think Katherine puts out? Hell, only if you take a Watchtower first.
Michael: I'd just like to thank the fans for their continued support and belief in me. I'll see you all soon. And remember I love you more.
Kenny: Can I have my phone back now?
Joe: For $20 you can. Hang on you got a call. I'll answer it for $5.

The album Now Thats What I Call MJHD 2 is expected to be the stocking filler that all hoaxers will be asking for.

Peace.

Cuss Count: High

Legal Notice: Nobody, except MJHDC, had anything to do with this post. If you think it is real you may want to seek help. Michael, Joe, and Kenny may be teaming up as the new Three Stooges for a run on Broadway; but that is unconfirmed. Please note this post is satire.

Various People Speak About The Hoax

To finalize the short series of Famous people that have discussed the hoax on this here blog.

However some of the people either didn't reply or their reply was so short it wasn't worth a post all of it's own. So here are the ones that nearly got away.

Joe Jackson: "Michael is alive. I know this. We just looking after his kids; like we look after Jermaine's kids. Hell, this wrongful death lawsuit that is just a scam for money."

God: "Michael Jackson? It is Sunday - I am resting. Call my people and we'll arrange something."

Elvis: "Look man, Michael faked his death. I gave him some pointers but that is it. No double bamsday. I'm too busy with my show in Vegas and working at Wal*Mart."

Jermaine Jackson: "Of course Michael is dead. It is my time now. I can step out of the shadow. It is Jermaine Jackson time!"

Tito Jackson: "Where is my taco?"

Sigmund Freud: "Michael Jackson did what he did as he has 'mother issues'. All of his actions can be traced back to that."

Larry King: "He's still dead you know. But seriously he is alive. Hey do you follow me on Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, Skype, Buzz, or LinkedIn?"

Pearl Jr: "He's alive. Did you buy my e-book? No wait, wait, let me give you the link."

Rick Astley: "LOL. He's just rickrolling you big time."

Michael Jackson: "Am I alive? Of Course I am silly. Hee hee."

Souza of MJDHI: "Michael who? It is all about the Illuminati. They control us. They control all of us."

Badkolo of MJDHI: "He's alive. But I'm only in this hoax for the 'Gold Pants' threads."

Maura: It's not about Michael it is about his message. He is not important it is all about the message."

LadyMedic: "Dead or alive? Don't question me. I am qualified. Whatever I say is right. Don't question me I said."

Lara of MJHD.NET: "I'm sorry Lara is not here right now. If you would like to leave a message please speak after the tone."

Kate Gosselin: "Well, with Jon out of the picture I'm looking for a man. Mike And Kate Plus Eight has a certain ring to it."

Cuss Count: NONE

Legal Notice: None of these people, other than God, actually spoke to me. This post is satire - well sort of. It is very broadly satire. Some may class it as drivel.

Adolf Hitler Speaks About The Hoax

Continuing the series in famous, and infamous, guest authors we have Adolf Hitler ...


Nein, nein, nein Michael Jackson ist nicht tot ... Oh you want this in English? OK let me start again.

Hello, my name is Adolf Hitler. Some of you may remember me from World War II. Let me get one thing straight; well maybe two things. Firstly, I am the Furher that you are thinking of. Secondly I too faked my death. The bunker - no body. It was just a cover story. I turned witness for the allied forces at Nuremberg and made sure that the real crazy, sick, people, my commanders, were all punished for their insubordination which you consider war crimes.

I am really not as bad as the press made me out to be. They only showed you what they wanted you to see. When I was at the synagogue soup kitchen serving meals to the Jewish people the press was nowhere to be seen.

I have followed the hoax for the last 15 months and I am not sure if it is a hoax or not. Many things do not add up in my mind. There are various things which do not make sense to me. But I see things differently to many others.

Why would Michael Jackson allow some of the things to be said to go unpunished? Jason Pfieffer, the bastard child of Arnie Klien, alleges in his propaganda that he was the homosexual lover of Michael Jackson. Why does Michael Jackson not step out of the shadows and ensure that Jason Pfieffer is sent to the gas chambers where he belongs?

Also, why is Michael Jackson allowing his ugliest brother, Jermaine, to keep making plans for tributes? With Jermaine's involvement these are guaranteed to fail. I caught a couple of episodes of the Jackson Dynasty and in my opinion Jermaine whined, and cried, like a bitch. It kind of reminded me of Eva when I said we would die together. She took the pill and I did not. She complained for a whole four minutes before the pill took effect.

I have been reading the forums and blogs on the Internet concerning the hoax. I do not understand how the admins of MJDHI can be classed as Nazis. Yes, they are rude to people and very controlling. And yes they spread their own twisted propaganda in their spam campaigns. But they are Dutch, and lesbians, this would never have been allowed. Please stop ruining the good name of the Nazis by associating it with this worthless garbage. The Nazis are not as bad as the lesbians, with their gay clown, we are proud people and would not degrade ourselves to such a low level as MJDHI.

This is why I have my doubts about this all being a hoax. Michael Jackson allows all this bullshit to go on. I would never tolerate such things. If he is alive he should come forth and put all the liars, imposters, and rumor spreaders to death. You cannot allow insubordination to go unpunished - you must nip it in the bud.

But then other details make me think that Michael Jackson is alive. Death certificates. He has three. I killed many more people and I don't even have a single death certificate.

The autopsy report bothers me. An important medical document is given to the media and nobody is put to death for this breach of privacy. Maybe it is because the coroner, and some of his most trusted staff, are aware that the autopsy report is fake and that it was merely released to the press as propaganda.

Also, the expert who documented the drugs is an expert in Native American remains. With all the people in Los Angeles they could not find a drug expert to work on the autopsy of Michael Jackson? This part is really suspicious. The SS would never have allowed such obvious details to be incorrect. Many heads would have rolled if such an erroneous mistake was made.

But then Joe Jackson, a good friend of my friend Brian Oxman, has been allowed to pursue a wrongful death lawsuit against Conrad Murray. If the only proof they have is the autopsy report I see this failing. The autopsy report has many inaccuracies which a good defence lawyer will pick over. I suggest Brian Oxman goes on a smear campaign and ruins the good name of Conrad Murray. As my old friend Goering used to say: "If you paint a picture of a monster then people will see a monster."

As you can see with just the few details I have written about it is enough to make a Fuhrer's head spin. I don't know 100% either way if it is a hoax or not. But if it is not a hoax then Michael Jackson will live forever through his music, his influence, and his legacy.

Sieg Heil.

Cuss Count: Really Low

Legal Notice: Allowing Adolf Hitler to be a guest author in no way means that his views are supported. As this is obviously satire none of it should be taken seriously.

Usama Bin Laden Speaks About The Hoax

Continuing the series of guest authors discussing the hoax Usama Bin Laden...


Pay attention, this is the leader of the free world, Usama Bin Laden. Ensure you spell my name with an 'U' and not an 'O' you infidel pigs of the western world.

I am here today to tell you infidel scum that Mr. Michael Jackson is most definitely alive. Just like your lazy, stupid, army that cannot find me you will never find Mr. Michael Jackson as he has chosen to part himself from the madness that the Zionist media and so-called fans have created.

First, let me clear your weak infidel minds of a very important fact. Mr. Michael Jackson is not, and has never been, a Muslim. The Muslim people were unlucky enough to get Mr. Jermaine Jackson; the less talented one. And unbeknown to him I have arranged with the most gracious Allah that his 72 virgins are all male.

Now that your infidel minds have been cleared of one media lie I will enlighten you with regards to other media lies that your government has allowed to be spread so maliciously.

On the morning of June 25, 2009 Mr. Conrad Murray did indeed make telephone calls. One of these calls was to Abdul, a friend of mine, and Mr. Conrad Murray asked Abdul about hiding someone where nobody could find them. Abdul gave Mr. Conrad Murray various details, which I choose not to disclose to you infidels, which allowed Mr. Michael Jackson to slip away without the media knowing.

There is a Mr. Ben Evenstad who has made various claims about the alleged photograph in the ambulance knows what he has said is nothing but lies. And as such in my capacity as leader of the free world I have issued a jihad against this infidel photographer for his disgraceful, and most heinous, lies.

Some of you infidels have suggested that Mr. Michael Jackson is hiding at Neverland. I can assure you weak westerners that he is not here.

Also, some of your lesbian infidels have claimed that Mr. Elvis Presley may have something to do with a 'double bam'. In the words of the most honorable, and distinguished, Dr. Dre - "That is some serious bullshit motherfucker." This theory is laughable. When I read this I thought it was some kind of western humor. However, when the 'spam the media' campaign began I issued a fatwa against these lesbians for their hurtful, and stupid, lies. Mr. Elvis Presley has told me that he is not making a return.

As the western, if not the entire, world watched events on June 25, 2009 you saw only what the Zionist media wanted you to see. However, in this case the media were played as puppets as Mr. Michael Jackson, assisted by Mr. Conrad Murray, allowed the media to only see what he wanted them to see.

To truly understand the depth, and enormity, of this hoax you must free your mind of the media and government lies that have been fed to you for so long. You must look deep into yourselves for the real truth.

May Allah Be with you.

Cuss Count: Very Low

Legal Notice: Usama Bin Laden has never openly stated his position on the Michael Jackson hoax. This post is satire and as such no disrespect is meant to Muslims, lesbians, and male virgins.

Peter Griffin Speaks About The Hoax

In a new series of posts guest authors will be presenting the hoax as they see it. Not all the guests are believers in the hoax - each and every opinion is merely theirs...


Hi, my name is Peter Griffin you might remember me from such great shows as Family Guy and ... well that's it really. I've been following the hoax like a fat woman's eyes follow the dessert cart in a restaurant, but I have been doing it all stealth like a ninja, actually down at the Drunken Clam they call me the Hoax Ninja - but I don't have those stars to throw at people and stick them in the head.

Anyway I remember June 25, 2009 like it was yesterday. When I saw the news that Michael Jackson was dead I said to Lois, well actually I shouted to Lois as she was getting me a beer, "Holy crap! Michael Jackson has hoaxed his death." It wasn't too hard for me to believe because my uncle, Elvis Griffin, did the exact same thing - except his was to get out of paying a bar tab; and he came back 10 years later as a filipino prostitute.

But back to the hoax, there is no freaking way that was Michael Jackson in the ambulance. The big clues are:

1 - No sequined glove. He always wore it; even when he masturbated. I remember Lisa Marie Presley complaining to some reporter after the marriage that he never took it off and that the sequins hurt her boobs. Or was that something Quagmire told me? Anyway it definitely is true.

2 - He wasn't moonwalking. He moonwalked everywhere. I bet he would moonwalk to the shops if he ever went to buy another glove.

3 - No sirens. If I was Michael Jackson in an ambulance not only would I have the sirens on but the sirens would be playing "Beat It".

4 - Jermaine Jackson was nowhere to be seen. He'd of been in front of every camera going "I want to be like Michael, I want to be like Michael.", until he tried to moonwalk and slipped on the grease from his hair and fell under the ambulance and got all mashed up like a potato or maybe a yam.

And then at the hospital no nurses, in thin slinky white uniforms, on TV going "I just saw Michael Jackson naked and I touched him like I'm not meant to and stuff." like they do on the movies you can only watch at a motel so they don't go on your cable bill as long as register at the desk as Mr. Peter Smith. Come on, the King of Pop is lying naked on a bed and no nurse saw it. You have to be kidding me?

This Dr. Conrad Murray just isn't right either. Every time I see him I wonder what it would be like if Cleveland was Dr. Murray. Buying pills and things from Mort to use in ways only a black doctor would know how to use them. Cleveland would be so guilty he would be sharing a cell with Bubba, or Tyrone, and having man-sex for Twinkies. But Dr. Murray is all as cool as a cucumber going to strip clubs and watching young ladies undress, putting a dollar in their thong, telling them to spit on him and call him Killer. And then getting freaky after hours in the back of his car. I'd bet he wouldn't even pay the cover charge to get in. Just be all like "I'm Conrad Murray I can kill you in your sleep."

And don't even get me started on the funeral or memorial. Where the hell was Diana Ross? "Oh you can look after my kids if Mom is too busy looking after Jermaine and his kids, but don't bother coming to my funeral or anything. I know you are sooooooooo busy and that." It just doesn't make sense; and nobody in the media questions any of this crap. I know Channel 5 news aint the greatest but even that Asian chick Tricia Takanawa would have been suspicious. She'd of been asking "Where is Diana Ross?" And if she didn't Diane Simmons would of been all up in her face crying "Hey ask the questions or we deport you back to China and you'll walk the streets turning tricks for a couple of yen." But then Tom Tucker would be all defensive and stick up for Tricia and beat Diane up.

Well that's about all I have time for right now. I have to meet the guys down at The Clam. But trust me when I tell you that Michael Jackson is alive - he may be here in Quahog.

Cuss Count: None

Legal Notice: Peter Griffin is a fictional character. As such misrepresenting him doesn't really represent the basis of a lawsuit unless it was not done in satire as it was on the occasion.