Interviewing Homeless Dave

To many he is simply Homeless Dave. But Dave Jackson is a man on a mission. Since his return, from when he was in a coma for almost a year, he has set goals - and plans to conquer those goals one at a time. I caught up with Homeless Dave and found out about his goals.

Doggie: Almost a year and then you come back with a whole new attitude. What happened?
Dave: I was in a coma for almost a year. It makes you see the bigger picture. You take a look around and see what you would have missed had you died; and you think: Damn, why was I wasting time?
Doggie: A whole new outlook on life then?
Dave: Not really. I just see things differently. You know when Neo realizes he is the one, in The Matrix, that is kind of how I feel.
Doggie: So you think you have been chosen?
Dave: No. Just I see things differently.
Doggie: Such as?
Dave: The whole Michael Jackson death hoax possibility.
Doggie: So your opinion has changed over the last year?
Dave: Let me get one thing straight. Just because my name is Dave Jackson does not mean I'm related in any way. Look at me I'm white.
Doggie: Dave, I don't think anyone has suggested you are related.
Dave: Maybe not but I wanted to clear the matter up.
Doggie: OK. So your opinion on the hoax?
Dave: I'm not saying there is a hoax. I'm not saying Michael Jackson faked his death. And in the grand scheme of things it makes no difference to me. I mean if Michael Jackson faked his death, and he makes a comeback, he isn't going to come find me, shake my hand, and say 'Thanks for beLIEving in me Dave.' It makes no difference to him, either, if I believe or not.
Doggie: Well do you believe?
Dave: No. No I don't. I have had it with the whole hoax. I don't care anymore. It is full of egotists, the blind, and retarded people that should stop wasting oxygen.
Doggie: Whoa there Dave. You may have to expand a bit on that.
Dave: The egotists - people like Souza; running MJDHI. It could have been a great forum. It could have been the hub of the whole hoax investigation. But it is nothing more than a joke. People thinking Michael Jackson is reading their mindless crap about numerology and religion. They need to get over themselves. Michael Jackson, if he was alive, would not waste his precious time reading the fact that some Seventh Day Adventist has added every number to equal 7. And all this religion thrown into the mix. It is just a waste of time for people to read. Michael himself never chose a religion as such and looked at all religions. If he wasted his last few days, before faking his death, to make sure all the numbers matched he might as well not ever make a comeback because he has obviously lost the plot.
Doggie: The blind?
Dave: All these idiots that follow every single breadcrumb they are fed. It doesn't matter how stupid it is they follow like it is really something. The numerology falls into this category too but it is much more than that. All these people that must be on some sort of drug are leading people up the garden path. I'm no doctor but without a medical license I'd say they are on drugs. You have Pearl Jr think that anyone who joined Twitter, and is called Peter, is Michael Jackson. If you ask me ...
Doggie: That is why it is called an interview.
Dave: Anyway, if you ask me Pearl Jr is in all this for the money. I mean the woman wrote an introduction to a book which says 'goodbye' to Michael Jackson. What the Hell is all that about if she isn't in it for the money? But people are following all her 'nudge nudge wink wink' clues like they actually mean something. Every bloody tweet that woman does ends with a commercial to one of her products. She is worse than the promotional tweets Twitter puts out. At least they actually tell you they are advertising tweets.
Doggie: You still see all them?
Dave: Yeah. The client I use doesn't block them. Plus I think I followed half of them by mistake.
Doggie: I see. Back to the breadcrumbs.
Dave: Do these half-wits really think that Michael Jackson left all these clues so that he could be found? I mean seriously who would do such a thing? It is not like he is on some giant 'hide and seek' game sitting in some hotel room waiting to be found by some crack fiend. It just does not make sense. They need to stop and take a look from the outside to see how other people see them. Michael Jackson didn't plan all this so that every date to do with his entire life, up to the time he supposedly faked his death, added up to the number seven. Anyone that believes that really needs to unplug their computer, put it back in the box, and save themselves from how stupid they look.
Doggie: Dave, that is a bit harsh.
Dave: It may be harsh but it is true. If you think that you have spoke to Michael Jackson, since June 2009, on some social networking site, or on a forum, you really need to evaluate your grip on reality. Because that is why he faked his death - so he could sit in obscurity and read, and talk, about it on the Internet. Do these people realize how stupid they look to the outside world?
Doggie: Possibly not. And the wasting oxygen?
Dave: The whole hoax. Like I said it makes no difference to Michael Jackson. He doesn't give a damn. Chances are that by now people should start realizing this is no hoax and the guy is dead. Leave the guy alone. He isn't putting clues for you to find him. And all you supposed fans that tweet to his kids saying he is alive; you really think that is helping them? You really think Michael Jackson wants you to be making his kids relive the fact their father is gone; day after day?
Doggie: Well I suppose not.
Dave: Of course not. These people are sick. Throwing it in his kids faces on a daily basis. Assholes the lot of them.
Doggie: So moving away from the hoax somewhat ...
Dave: Good. Because that is one situation where the lunatics have taken over the asylum.
Doggie: What do you reckon to Britney Spears being a judge on X Factor?
Dave: I think that is a bad move. She is famous for lip-syncing her whole career. Nothing but a female version of Justin Bieber.
Doggie: Speaking of Bieber. What do you think of him copying Michael Jackson so much?
Dave: Little Canadian prick should do his own thing. I know he is Usher's little bitch and everything but he needs a trademark of his own. He doesn't want to be remembered as the talentless wonder that just stole everything.
Doggie: Dave; do you have anything nice to say about anyone?
Dave: Willie Nelson and Skrillex. Willie Nelson for those relaxing moments when you smoke. And a little bit of Skrillex to get the blood pumping before you go shoplifting.
Doggie: You know you shouldn't be an ambassador for shoplifting.
Dave: I advertise for these places when I shoplift there. It is not even really shoplifting. It is like an official payment for my advertising services.
Doggie: You can word it however you want. It is still shoplifting.
Dave: You say tomatoes I say tomatoes. You say shoplifting I say advertising.
Doggie: The tomatoes joke won't work in print.
Dave: Nor will any of the other jokes. So don't start worrying about it now.
Doggie: Any words you'd like to say to those that listen to your aimless rambling?
Dave: Do whatever you want. You wake up one morning and you want to paint yourself green and run around Walmart shouting 'I'm a Gummi Bear' I say just do it.
Doggie: That is it?
Dave: You expecting some psychological diarrhea? I'm homeless, I shoplift, and I'm as real as Sasquatch. I'm Homeless Dave not Plato.
Doggie: True. Well thanks for nothing.
Dave: You are welcome.