Interview Of A Lifetime

In what felt like a few pages from an Agatha Christie novel I was instructed, if I wanted the interview of a lifetime, to be at a certain place at a certain time. I was instructed to come alone; with no camera. I was instructed to be on time.

The following is the transcript from the interview that took place.

Michael Jackson: I thought you was meant to be a dog?
Saint Doggie: I thought you was meant to be dead?
Michael Jackson: I am.
Saint Doggie: So you are a ghost and all of this is some drug fueled delusion?
Michael Jackson: No silly I'm alive.
Saint Doggie: You just agreed you were meant to be dead.
Michael Jackson: Meant to be. Doesn't mean I am.
Saint Doggie: I see. So you spent the last three years perfecting some routine where you answer questions without actually answering them?
Michael Jackson: Well from what I was told you spent the last three years going from a dog, to a joker, then back to a dog. Now you call yourself a saint.
Saint Doggie: Hey. That is for tax purposes. Anyway I got a string of questions for you.
Michael Jackson: Well then ask away.
Saint Doggie: Firstly, what is with all these damn clues everywhere?
Michael Jackson: There are no clues. People will see and believe what they want.
Saint Doggie: So not one clue to say you are alive?
Michael Jackson: No. You don't fake your death to leave a trail of breadcrumbs. This is reality not some Hansel and Gretal story.
Saint Doggie: But you have to admit some clues are possible?
Michael Jackson: If I scream from the top of the tallest building in the world "777" that doesn't make it a clue; that makes it a man screaming numbers. People will see what they want.
Saint Doggie: Anyone in your family know you are alive?
Michael Jackson: The important people. The people I trust.
Saint Doggie: Your kids?
Michael Jackson: Yes.
Saint Doggie: Your Mom?
Michael Jackson: Of course.
Saint Doggie: Jermaine?
Michael Jackson: Hell no.
Saint Doggie: But he did the now infamous airport slip-up. Where he said you went to the airport.
Michael Jackson: Big deal. It is Jermaine. He wouldn't know the truth if it came up and knocked four of his teeth out.
Saint Doggie: Is Jermaine the only one who doesn't know?
Michael Jackson: Yeah. It is kind of funny. Like, at Christmas time we had this big family get together. Big dinner, singing, and dancing. Just a good old fashioned family party. Everyone had to keep it a secret from Jermaine.
Saint Doggie: So life is pretty much normal?
Michael Jackson: I would say so. I'm still hiding from the media; just now I hide from the world also.
Saint Doggie: Do you feel bad that your kids have to live this lie?
Michael Jackson: Sometimes. But they understand I did it so I could be with them.
Saint Doggie: Does it worry you that one day you may be uncovered?
Michael Jackson: (Chuckles) Yeah. That is why I agreed to do this interview.
Saint Doggie: Nobody will read it anyway.
Michael Jackson: But seriously the kids are fine about it. And so far only one mistake.
Saint Doggie: A big one?
Michael Jackson: Well Prince was at school and got into this argument. It was about who was better - Michael Jackson or Elvis. Prince obviously chose me. Then some kid started on about Elvis selling more stamps or something. Somehow the argument got heated and Prince blurted out "My Dad could kick Elvis' ass any day of the week." The other kid laughed and said "Maybe if he wasn't as dead as Elvis." So Prince retaliated "He's not dead he's alive." Quickly Paris stepped in and said that Prince was spending too much time his Uncle Jermaine; which was why he wasn't making too much sense. It was a close one for sure.
Saint Doggie: Jermaine takes the blame for a lot of things. Do you sometimes feel that it is a little unfair?
Michael Jackson: No. Mom said if it wasn't for my Dad drinking there would have been no more kids after Jermaine was born. She said he didn't want to risk another one like that. But Dad would get drinking and a few months later Mom would be praying to Jehovah that it didn't come out like Jermaine.
Saint Doggie: Understandable. Recently it was mentioned there may be a hologram of you on the Unity tour your brothers are planning.
Michael Jackson: Let me stop you right there. Tupac had the hologram on stage. I'm Michael Jackson. I don't follow I lead. There is no way I'd let them use my image to copy something that has already been done.
Saint Doggie: So no plans for something at the Unity tour?
Michael Jackson: I never said that. I just stated I wouldn't do something that has already been done. I'm an innovator.
Saint Doggie: Well kind of. Faking your death has been done. Jesus, Elvis, Jim Morrison, and Lee Harvey Oswald to name a few. It is not exactly new.
Michael Jackson: You think those people are alive?
Saint Doggie: No. Well maybe Jim Morrison. Elvis would be dead by now as he wasn't in the best of health. Jesus you have to wonder if he ever really existed. Lee Harvey Oswald would have been taken out by the CIA or KGB by now.
Michael Jackson: Didn't Lee Harvey Oswald get shot?
Saint Doggie: Didn't Michael Jackson die of a cardiac arrest?
Michael Jackson: Good point.

Suddenly Michael took a call and had to end the interview. He apologized and left.