1/22/2011

The Secret Diary Of A Fake MJ


Sometimes people wonder what goes on in the heads of the people who decide to take it uponthemself to be a fake Michael Jackson online. Well, wonder no more. Thanks to various sources I was able to obtain the secret diary of a fake Michael Jackson. Which gives an insightful look into the mind of the thoughts, and reasoning, behind one such individual.

The following, unedited, excerpts from that diary shows what makes the average fake Michael Jackson tick.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Mom woke me this morning at 10:00AM wondering what cereal I wanted. It was too fucking early to care. I told her I'm 29 years old and I'll decide my own cereal. She said that as long as I am not working, and living under her roof, I'd get what she could afford. Living at home pisses me off. I need to get a place of my own. I chose Captain Crunch for the flavor factor.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Found this fake Michael Jackson account on Twitter. Noticed that it had over a thousand followers. Now that is the life. Thought about it for a couple of seconds and decided to setup my own fake Michael Jackson account. I am now TheRealMJ777 on Twitter.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Woke up with a purpose today; for the first time in eighteen months.

Checked my Twitter account. I already had 43 followers. So this is what fame feels like. Decided to write my first tweet: "Hi, I love you more." Enough to get a few more followers I am sure.

Told Mom at dinner that I was Michael Jackson on Twitter. She just rolled her eyes and asked if it paid anything. She doesn't understand the computer age. Told her I had 43 followers. She said I was no Charles Manson and if she found any hippies in the basement she would call the police.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Yes! I am up to 81 followers now. Someone mentioned TheRealMJ777 on the MJHD.NET forum. Had a conversation in Direct Message (DM) with someone who thinks I am Michael Jackson. I think they are female.

Them: So are you really the real Michael Jackson?
Me: Yes I am. Are you a fan?
Them: OMG. Yes I am. I love all your music.
Me: Even the new album?
Them: Yes I love it.
Me: I love it more. Hee hee.
Them: I can imagine you smiling.
Me: I have to go Mom is calling.
Them: OMG Katherine knows you are alive.
Me: Sure. Umm Yeah. I love you more.

After re-reading the messages I am hoping they are female.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Didn't get online until late. Mom made me go look for a job. I might be working at Burger King soon - they have what they said is a "special program" for people like me.

I now have 133 followers. Most are asking me how I am. I can't tell them I pissed off, living in the spare bedroom, and doing household chores for my Mom. I decide to tweet: "I am well, and I will be back. I love you more." I cannot believe that this many people think I am Michael Jackson.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

This is fucking awesome. I have 151 people thinking I am Michael Jackson. They talk to me as if I really was Michael Jackson. Sometimes I don't know what to say; but I somehow manage to talk my way out of those situations. One person, DelusionalMJFan, said she wanted to email me so I gave her my email in a DM. I told her that I felt I could trust her and she fell for it hook, line, and sinker.

Being Michael Jackson is taking up a lot of my time. I just realized I haven't showered in 6 days. Maybe when I hit the seventh day it is a sign - LOL.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

DelusionalMJFan sent me some pictures. I did not know it was possible to do that with a Michael Jackson figurine. I forwarded the email to my Dungeon & Dragon friends. In the email she said: "I was writing the email to you, and I just got to thinking about you, so I decided to take some pictures, and one thing lead to another. I hope you are not embarrassed. I imagine you blushing as you look at them." Little did she know I was doing more than blushing.

Mom caught me looking at the pictures. A very awkward moment. I could not explain the sequin glove and the jar of Vaseline. Luckily I did not have to as she just left the room crying. Maybe it was her glove.

Monday, July 19, 2010

I now have 205 followers. This is beyond what I thought it would be. Decided to play with them a bit and looked online for some obscure pictures which would throw them over the edge as far as me being Michael Jackson. DelusionalMJFan wasn't on until late. She said in DM that she had to work; and that she has two jobs. I told her if she was with me she wouldn't have to work - she liked that. I didn't tell her it is because we could both live of Mom's disability checks.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Fame at last. I was mentioned on the MJHD.NET and the MJDHI forums. Someone posted my pictures. This really boosted my followers - I now have 331. I noticed another fake Michael Jackson was following me; but they only have 52 followers. What a fucking loser.

DelusionalMJFan asked tonight if I could call her. I had to think fast and say no. I told her my voice needed resting as I was working on some new songs. I think I went a bit too far as I said one of the songs was inspired by her. She tweeted "*Crying*" over and over again. I don't know if she tweeted anything after that as I had to go rub Mom's cream on her back.

When I got back DelusionalMJFan wasn't online so I left her a DM saying: "Don't cry it is a sweet thing that I did. I was meant to make you happy. Sorry."

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Mom wanted to go to bingo tonight. As I have to drive her I missed talking to DelusionalMJFan. On the positive side Mom won a Brut 33 gift pack. If I ever meet up with DelusionalMJFan I will most definitely wear it.

I now 340 followers. Things are slowing down a bit. I need to generate some excitement. I decided to tweet a cryptic clue: "9-2 / 25-18 / 7+4" I hope they can work out it is 7/7/11 - LOL. A little something to make them think. DelusionalMJFan sent some more pictures. I was exhausted after looking at them.

Must buy more Vaseline tomorrow.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Yes it fucking worked. Mentioned on both forums again and TS even redirected to my Twitter account. My followers skyrocketed to 502. I did notice that on MJHD.NET they somehow got 8/7/11. Oh well. A day late and a dollar short. Talking of dollars, the Dollar Store had a sale on Vaseline, I got this big 48 oz jar for $1.50. Not sure why they call it a Dollar Store if things are more than a dollar.

DelusionalMJFan seemed a bit upset that I had all these followers. She said that I would have no time for her. I told her to keep sending the pictures and I would always have time for her.

Someone on Twitter is tweeting that I am a fake. Look buddy it says The REAL MJ. That means I am really real and I am Michael Jackson. Some people should think before they tweet about me.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Started work at Burger King today. I was on fries. The manager said that if I didn't burn myself again tomorrow I might even become King of the fries. I so nearly said "Well I am the King of Pop on Twitter." but I didn't.

Mom was in a good mood when I got home which makes no sense. Mr Dobson from next door had just finished fixing her furnace. I could tell because he was still sweaty.

700 followers. Yes. In a little over a week I have 700 followers. Got an email from Barry asking why I hadn't been to the last two Dungeon & Dragons meetings. I sent him the new pictures from DelusionalMJFan. That should keep him busy for a while and leave me alone to be Michael Jackson.


This is just a just a small snippet of the diary. Much of it is the same. Except when it gets to August ...

Saturday, August 29, 2010

I had people tweeting "Happy Birthday" to me all day. I eventually got pissed off and tweeted: "My birthday is not until November idiots." I then realized what I did and deleted the tweet. It is Michael Jackson's birthday. DelusionalMJFan sent me 23 e-cards. I read the first one because it said it had an attachment; but it wasn't pictures. I'm thinking about moving on to someone else real soon if I don't get no pictures.

Sunday, August 30, 2010

It is all over. Someone did a screen capture of my tweet. Everyone on Twitter is now saying that I am a fake. DelusionalMJFan even stopped following me. I can't believe it is over. Damn. I only have 43 followers now; which just isn't worth the time. I am going to have to delete the account.

Maybe I'll create a new one next week.


This is just a short journey into the mind of a person willing to be a fake Michael Jackson online. As can be seen on Twitter there are many more of these people about.

Peace.

Cuss Count: Surprisingly Low

Legal Notice: This is actually satire. Although something like it most likely does actually exist. Whether you are a believer or not the chances of Michael Jackson announcing his comeback on Twitter are still about infinity to one. For anyone wishing to use the Twitter name TheRealMJ777 - sorry it is gone; I registered it just in case anyone decided to use it. Strangely it got two followers while writing the post.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

you should have kept the twitter account! you could have sold it when you had a bunch of followers!

Anonymous said...

This is freaking hilarious! "Must buy more Vaseline tomorrow!" Awesome!

Ghosty said...

The sad this is this is so, so true. LOL

Anonymous said...

Smiling

kimba41 said...

Well twitter account back open,I had to say something could not help myself... sick people!

MJHD Conspiracy said...

Anonymous said: "you should have kept the twitter account! you could have sold it when you had a bunch of followers!"

I did keep the Twitter account and the biography was changed to state it is fake. Which is just one less fake MJ but I'm sure hundreds more will still appear unfortunately.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO. I used to think you were worthless, and in some ways I still do. But when you're not being a disgusting pig--ermm--bulldog and hating on people for no reason, you're actually pretty funny!

btw, I like your new look. I hated that stupid clown. Reminded me of fagkolo.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Doggie,
What are you doing ? I think I'm addicted to your satirical cocktails. Well stirred this time, just to my liking. I wonder if they could cause cardiac arrest, when I drink too much of them, but I trust in you. Though you nearly killed me with the entry from Wed. July 21 !
Hope you know how to do CPR on another animal, baahaaa....
JM

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