Alvin And The Chipmunks Are Back

Today at a packed press conference Alvin and the Chipmunks announced their comeback. With a new recording contract from Sony it appears as though Alvin, Simon, and Theo are ready to storm the charts and take the top position from the likes of Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

Some of the Chipmunks newer fans might not be so impressed with their new style. Alvin said about the new style: "Man, it is fucked up that you think chipmunks don't grow up. I aint going to be doing little kid shit the rest of my life. And if people don't like it then fuck them. It is what we want to do and not what some snotty nosed kid wants."

Simon, talking about the first single to be released later this year said: "American Bad Ass is ours. People think we are just covering Kid Rock, but we wrote that shit and he stole it. When we was up in Detroit we ran into Kid Rock and he was all up in Alvin's face and Alvin just offered him out right there. Kid Rock backed down faster than shit off a shovel."

Sony spokesperson, Kevin Butler, said "We are happy to have Alvin and the Chipmunks with Sony. Obviously we had to update the image somewhat. And we sat down with them and decided together which direction they wanted to go in. This new image isn't going to be met with enthusiasm from some of the parents but it is the path they want to take. The new album, to be released later this year, is a real venture for these guys."

Theo, speaking about the new album said: "We have been in the studio for the last few months. Laying down some tracks and making it as tight as hell. We have a lot of past to try and forget so we can move forward. I mean those shit films we did with that guy from My Name Is Earl that was just about the money. We didn't want to do them but when someone is waving a pile of cash in front of you then you have to forget dignity. We are already talking to Snoop Dogg about a film where we can show our true selves."

The press conference went without a hitch despite Alvin storming out due to a disagreement about his cocaine habit and rehab. He said as he stormed out "What I put up my fucking nose is none of your fucking business. This is showbiz bitch you got to do certain things to survive the shit they throw at you."

Britney Spears, speaking at the press conference, was shocked "I thought they were cute and fluffy, you know like fluffy little clouds, and then they swear and and say things even I wouldn't say. I was shocked. But I am dating Alvin in an on/off relationship."

Cuss Count: High

Legal Notice: Sony, Alvin & The Chipmunks, Kid Rock, and Britney Spears had nothing to do with this imaginary press conference. Snoop Dogg is actually talking a film deal with the chipmunks. This post is satire. Do not take it seriously.


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