3/25/2010

Now Thats What I Call MJHD

Sony/ATV announced at a press conference today, in Los Angeles, the forthcoming album entitled "Now Thats What I call MJHD". The album is expected to go on sale on June 25, 2010 - one year after Michael Jackson's alleged death.

Jimmy Asci, a spokesman for Sony/ATV Music Publishing made the following statement:
"Since June 25 last year we have been watching the media, and the Internet, for various reasons. One reason is that we want to take the 'Now Thats What I Call Music' range to whole new level. We want each CD to be not only relevant to our target audience but also relevant to current events. Sometimes we may make decisions which are controversial but in the long run we are sure that the new path we are following will be well received. This compilation is the first in that new direction. At this time I would like to dispel the rumors that are currently being spread that Michael Jackson had anything to do with this compilation. Although he is named as a producer it does not, I repeat does not, mean he had anything to do with this compilation. This is merely a rumor - but when Michael is ready to participate in this venture he will be welcomed with open arms by Sony."

Although the CD is not officially endorsed by Michael Jackson, the Michael Jackson Estate, or the Jackson family a couple of members of the family were at the press conference. Jermaine Jackson, Michael's brother, had this to say "Although the family is not endorsing this CD I feel that as the major artist of the family I should be here to support it. I have spoken with Sony with the possibility of doing a tribute concert with the artists from the CD. According to Sony this may happen in the future. Well their exact term was 'when hell freezes over' which means there still might be a chance."

Tito Jackson, Michael's other brother said "Well it is another CD using Michael to make money. Sony have done that shit for ages why stop now? As for Jermaine, that jheri-curl fucker does whatever he wants without the support of the family. We will know if this tribute ever happens as he will have another attack of pink eye."

Simon Cowell, of American Idol, said "Well for me the CD stinks. I know exactly what I like and I don't like this; but for once this is not about me. From what I can gather Sony worked in partnership with some small record label called Doggie Productions in creating this. Although I don't really like anything I will say this I admire what they are doing and taking music to another level is always a good thing."


Simon went through the tracks, explaining their importance to the Michael Jackson Hoax Death.

Britney Spears - If You Seek Amy: "Well Amy started everything on June 23 or 25 last year. But as soon as her motives were questioned she abandoned everything after screwing her members one last time. I heard from Paula that Amy had some diaper fetish too."

Five - Keep On Movin': "Well Five was a member of the MJHD forum, I mean if you had visited the forum you would know that. Supposedly she was a disabled, alcoholic, ex-hot dog cart owner. Nobody was ever sure why she was never banned for her whole retarded act. I have nothing against the disabled but you don't have to be a fucking idiot with it."

The Adventures Of Stevie V - Dirty Cash: "Amy was out to make money pure and simple. People finally saw through her schemes. Enough said."

Elvis Presley - Suspicious Minds: "When MJHD went down people got suspicious. Was it hackers, Amy, John Smith, or Sony? Turned out in the end it was just another mind game from Amy."

Dashboard Confessional - The Best Deceptions: "I like this group, not sure what it is on this CD for though. Only think I can think of is that during the transitional period of MJHD there was a lot of deceptions to various people."

Cypress Hill - Hits From The Bong: "Title says it all; this track marks the start of Souza and Mo running MJDHI. Rumors have speculated because of their theories they must be on some sort of drug."

tATu - All The Things She Said: "I was actually instrumental in their career taking off. I didn't like their music but I knew they could make money. This track was included because of the speculation that Souza and Mo may be more than friends if get what I am saying."

Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy: "Badkolo could have been the 4th member. Bald, gay, and bad taste in sunglasses."

Fatboy Slim - Illuminati: "Well when Souza and Mo took over things at the helm so to speak things really went downhill. The topics moved away from Michael Jackson hoaxing his death to the Illuminati and the New World Order. Why that happened I just don't know. But by their theories every single person in the music industry has connections to being either a slave or a master of the Illuminati."

Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds: "Lyrics can say so much. The lines Will you bite the hand that feeds? Will you chew until it bleeds? Can you get up off your knees? Are you brave enough to see? all show the hidden message of not being sheeple."

The O' Jays - Backstabbers: "I was surprised to see this classic on here. Although it was released in 1972 it speaks volumes about what is happening today with MJHD and the forums."

Michael Jackson - They Don't Care About Us: "A statement from Michael himself saying if you don't like how you are being treated stand up and do something about it."

Robbie Williams - Let Me Entertain You: "I was surprised that Sony put this one on. I was talking to them about it earlier and they said it was to do with the return."

Joe Jackson, father of Michael, said "It's all good. I may not be getting money myself. But every time this CD gets bought Katherine, my rich lovely wife, gets money. I get some from her and we all be smiling."

Sony refused to comment on future plans.



Peace.

Legal Notice: This CD, press conference, and quotes may not be real. This post is merely satire. Anyone with a problem about this post should contact someone who cares.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMFG!!! YOU ARE AWESOME! I LOVE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR!
Really you are just great, love ya!

lol "ousti"

Anonymous said...

LOL, You have given me many a tummy tuck, for FREE!

MJHD Conspiracy said...

@starangel40 over at MJHD.NET thanks for spotting the mistake as can now be seen it is fixed. Thanks.

WhatTheDeuce said...

tATu - All The Things She Said: "I was actually instrumental in their career taking off. I didn't like their music but I knew they could make money. This track was included because of the speculation that Souza and Mo may be more than friends if get what I am saying."

Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy: "Badkolo could have been the 4th member. Bald, gay, and bad taste in sunglasses."


HAHAHAHAHAHAH! These ones really cracked me up! Awesome post, Conspiracy! :)

WhatTheDeuce said...

By the way, Conspiracy, you should add:

The Lonely Island - Jizz In My Pants: Cause that's what happens to Fuckfish when he looks at his mommy.

LOL!

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