3/10/2010

Controversial New Book

Today, at a private press conference, Amazon released the first edition of the Bible. Nothing odd about that except this Bible is a modern re-working by Jermaine Jackson. The book entitled "The Bible (New Michael Jackson Version)" is expected to go on sale by the end of April exclusively at Amazon.com.

At the press conference Jermaine read a few passages from the Bible, which biblical scholars have already started referring to as the NMJ version. As Jermaine read the passages it could be clearly seen that he was upset; although his choice of passages left a few of the assembled members of the press confused.

The NMJV of Matthew 2:1-2 was read "Now when Michael was born in Indiana of America in the days of President Eisenhower, behold, wise men came from Washington to Indiana, saying, Where is He who is born king of pop? For we have seen His star in Washington and have come to worship Him."

Matthew 3:16-17 of the NMJV was read "And Michael, when He had been baptized, went up immediately out of the water. And lo, the heavens were opened to Him, and He saw the Spirit of Joe descending like a dove and lighting upon Him. And lo, a voice from upstairs, saying, This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."

Matthew 9:12 of the NMJV was also read "But when Michael heard, He said to them, The ones who are whole do not need Dr. Murray, but the ones who are sick."

The most astonishing passage that Jermaine read was Matthew 26:64 "Michael said to him, You said it. I tell you more. From this time you shall see the King of Pop sitting on the right hand of power, and coming on the clouds of the heavens."

As reporters started to question Jermaine Jackson if this was just another way of cashing in on his brothers legacy he replied "This book is not about me it is about Michael, I am all for Allah and not God. The money that I am making from this book can never be enough."

Amazon spokesman, Drew Herdener, said "We know this book may be controversial, and that some will think that by endorsing it Jermaine is merely cashing in, but that is not true. Many believe Michael Jackson was Jesus and the hoaxies will buy this book. Is it wrong for a brother to be involved in a book about his own sibling?"

Religious leaders around the world have condemned the NMJ Bible as heresy, and blasphemy, citing it as a 'damnation from Satan himself'. The Pope even went on record to say "What another Bible? What the fuck? Did Dan Brown write it? That bastard has been after the Catholic church since the Da Vinci Code book. What do you mean you are recording? Shut that shit off."

Pre-orders for the book, The Bible (New Michael Jackson Version) can be ordered at Amazon's website. An e-book version for the Kindle is expected later this year.

Amazon's controversial new book.

Peace.

Legal Notice: The NMJV of the Bible may not really exist. The private press conference may not have taken place. Jermaine Jackson, The Pope, and Drew Herdener, may not have actually said those things. This is merely satire do not contact Amazon in an attempt to buy this book.

3 comments:

to.fatima said...

I'd totally buy that book & give it to Souza on her BD, whenever that is LMAO

Anonymous said...

Excellente cette nouvelle version de la Bible! Attendre l'Imprimatur du Saint-Office! Après les Septantes et la Vulgate, nul doute qu'elle fera date.

Mais au fait, pourquoi pas Michael et le concept de la Lumière dans l'Evangile de Saint-Jean? Il nous donne la clef avec la chanson de "This is it"......

Ah, Jermaine, pourquoi oublier de citer la sourate en-nur sur la lumière qui fait le lien: "Lumière. Je suis Lumière, Lumière sur Lumières!" Terriblement "This is it".

Peut-être dans une autre interview?

WhatTheDeuce said...

"The Pope even went on record to say "What another Bible? What the fuck? Did Dan Brown write it? That bastard has been after the Catholic church since the Da Vinci Code book. What do you mean you are recording? Shut that shit off."

ROTFLMAO!

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