HUD Housing

(The view of the back of the house)

Allegedly the HUD stands for Department Of Housing & Urban Development. If you ask me after today it really stands for Homes Under Development.

If you were reading my tweets yesterday then you know to today I went to see a HUD approved home; which was $125 per month rent that HUD would pay. Although the lady I spoke to at HUD said they would pay that because I was homeless and she never said if they would continue to pay it if I moved in.

Well, I will describe the day as it happened.

9.00AM I arrived at the house ready to Angela from HUD for a tour of the house. I waited for 25 minutes before Angela turned up. while I waited I met a couple of my new neighbors. Tyree and Shawty were sitting on the porch when I walked over. Then a conversation started.

Dave: Hello, I am your new neighbor. My name is Dave.
Tyree: Motherfucker you better get your lily white ass out of this neighborhood.
Shawty: Yeah. What he said.
Dave: Well I can't very well get out if I am living here.
Shawty: (laughing) Oh hell no. You won't be living for long.
Tyree: Yeah, crackers get jacked and then we smoke them.
Dave: I am homeless right now so I need to live somewhere.
Tyree: Not here motherfucker.
Dave: Well no not here. Next door.
Shawty: Fool you be tripping.
Dave: It is these shoes. I stole a size too big.
Tyree: Why you still here?
Dave: I'm waiting for Angela. She is going to show me round the house.
Shawty: (laughing) Oh she is not coming.
Dave: Yes she is. I just called her before I got here.
Tyree: You got a cell phone?
Dave: Yes it is from the feds ...

Before I had time to finish my sentence both Tyree and Shawty had left. Maybe they were going to try and and get a federally funded cell phone.

Anyway, at 9.25AM Angela showed up. I don't like to judge people but she seemed a little nervous. She was forever looking around. And when this car back-fired she fell to the floor and put her bag over her head.

We walked to the front door, which was not locked, and Angela pulled the police tape to one side so that I could go in. It wasn't exactly inviting but I quickly pictured in my head what it could look like if I fixed it up a little bit. Then suddenly a skunk came down the stairs, ran past me, and headed outside. Not an ideal pet but beggars cannot be choosers - If he came back I would call him Pepe.

Angela then showed me the front room. I am no genius but I am guessing that 6 people lived here before because they had drawn round themselves on the wooden floor. There were also some numbered cards on the floor. Not sure what they were and when I asked Angela she said "Let us go look at the kitchen."

The kitchen was not too bad. There was a sink. Well that is all there was. I did notice some holes in the wall. Whoever lived here before was really bad at putting pictures up - they had tried hundreds of times and just left holes all over the wall. But I used my imagination and imagined what it would look like when I finished.

Next was a closet under the stairs. I cannot tell you too much about it as I did not see that much of it. Angela opened the door and someone shouted "Bitch shut the fucking light off." Angela shut the door, and so nobody else would disturb the person she kindly locked it. And she headed upstairs saying "Let's go to the bedroom." I tried to explain I was saving myself for Ms Susan Boyle but she was already halfway up the stairs.

At this point I must admit I was wrong about the 6 people living here previously because in the first bedroom there was another 4 outlines they had drawn; numbered 7 to 10. Angela said someone would come and clean them up before I moved in.

The second bedroom didn't have any outlines in it. But it did have two people in it. Angela left the room saying she was calling the police. I decided to introduce myself.

Dave: Hi. I am Dave. This is going to be my house.
Shannon: No way love. This is where I conduct business.
Mark: Who the fuck is this fool? Is he extra?
Shannon: Yes $75.
Dave: Well if you want to rent the room I'm sure it would be a little less than $75.
Shannon: I'll pay by the hour.
Mark: Who was the uptight bitch that left; I thought she would join in?
Dave: That is Angela, she is with HUD, she is calling the police for something.
Shannon: Oh hell no. I'm out of here. I can't afford to be booked again this week.
Mark: Bitch you aint going nowhere.
Shannon: Fuck you. I got probation. I get caught again I'm doing big time.
Dave: Don't worry I'll tell the police you are my friends.
Shannon: What the fuck?
Mark: Just who the fuck are you?
Dave: Dave.
Mark: And the other one is Angela?
Dave: Yeah. I'm not sure where she went to make a phone call she could of used my cell phone from the feds.
Shannon: Fuck it is a trap.
Dave: No it is a Tracfone. Not exactly an iPhone but it does what I need.

Shannon and Mark decided they needed to leave. They had to be in a real hurry because Mark left his trousers on the floor. They ran down the stairs and then there was gunshots and then it went quiet. I found $124 in Mark's trouser pockets.

Angela came back upstairs and was escorted by a policeman. I tried to explain that Mark and Shannon were friends but Angela said it would be better if we just left via the fire escape out the back.

When we were outside, and down the fire escape, Angela said that the house was not going to be available for a couple of months. I kind of guessed this; as there was a policewoman putting up some more police tape where Angela had ripped it down.

I asked Angela when another house would become available and all she said was "I'll call you when I get back from vacation."

So I am still homeless. But I did meet some new friends: Tyree, Shawty, Shannon, and Mark (although Mark's funeral is being held as soon as the police release his body). I don't think I'll go as I don't know him that well; and someone there might guess I took the $124 from his pockets.


Anonymous said...

LOL (smiling)

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