The Daves AKA The Dogs

With almost every industry having some sort of awards ceremony it was high time that the Michael Jackson death hoax had some sort of award ceremony. So one was organized. Homeless Dave got together with Hoax News Network and MJHD Conspiracy and created what may become an annual event known merely as the Daves.

Trying to get all three in the same room is a nightmare. So it was eventually decided not to bother filming it. Without further ado here is the transcript of the filming that will be forever lost in the depths of Hell.

MJHDC: Welcome to The Daves. Some homeless guy decided to create an award ceremony for the Michael Jackson death hoax; and by association I got dragged into this fucking mess.
Dave: What he means is that he is proud to be associated with The Daves.
MJHDC: Do I bollocks. Its a fucking sham. I'm stuck in a room with a smelly homeless guy and the almighty, notice the sarcasm in my voice, Hoax fucking News Network.
HNN: There is no need to swear about it.
MJHDC: Fuck off.
Dave: OK. Now might be a good time to get things going with the first award.
HNN: The nominees for the first award, which is the biggest mistake on Twitter, are JermJackson5, Wingheart, Souza81, TheIllusion777 and TheMJInformer.
MJHDC: That is it? There are more fuck-ups on Twitter than them 5 assholes. Fuck I could find you 100+ just by typing 'fucktard' in the search.
HNN: Yeah but we limited it a bit to make things easier.
MJHDC: Easier for who? Nobody is voting on this shit.
Dave: Easier to type it all out.
MJHDC: Film it in high definition in case I murder you two fucks.
HNN: It'll end up getting typed. It always does.
MJHDC: Whatever. Get on with this fucking shit.
Dave: It was a close race between the final 5. Although some had more of an impact than others.
MJHDC: How long you going to talk about it? Just say the fucking name and move on you homeless bastard.
Dave: I was getting to it.
MJHDC: More to the point why are you homeless?
HNN: It is a long story. Trust me on that.
MJHDC: So is this awards shit going to be at this fucking rate.
Dave: Well; if you would stop interrupting.
MJHDC: Sure. Get on with it or I'll burn your cardboard box down.
Dave: Jermaine obviously angered the hoaxers when he attacked them.
MJHDC: How fucking dumb are you? Homeless twat. He did it hoping some fucking sleaze bag media, like TMZ, would pick up on it and advertise his lame fucking book that Oprah is most likely going to slap a Book Club sticker on. Tell him to grease his hair less, write a book about what he has achieved which will be about 4 pages, and stop trying to pay his child support with Michael's name.
HNN: Here Dave let the mutt do this if he thinks he is so great.

(Dave hands the cards to MJHDC)

MJHDC: I am not reading all this shit. I'll do it my way. Jermaine is a greasy motherfucker that is cashing in. Karen Faye is a dried up old hag that has done nothing. Souza is a fucking Nazi lesbian bitch. The Illusion and the Informer are both fucking losers jacking off to pictures of Sarah Palin in their Mom's basement. Hell one of those retards might be ButtFuckolo. Anyway the winner is Karen Faye. She tweets like she is someone when she is not. She was just a make-up artist for Michael Jackson. Nothing more nothing less. She is just sad and bitter and tweets her lonely venom on anyone who dares question the fucking oracle that is Karen Faye. Fuck her she is not shit. She'll most likely masturbate with this award just because it says MJ on it.
Dave: That isn't exactly what I wrote.
MJHDC: Too bad. It is done. Karen Faye got the award what is next?
HNN: Actually I am doing the next one.
MJHDC: Well get on with then. HNN. Horse-shit No News.
Dave: He's actually quite nice.
MJHDC: Got a lighter?
Dave: Yes. Here you ...
HNN: No Dave. Just No. Can we all get on with this before the end of time?
MJHDC: Well get on with it then.
HNN: The next award is for the best news coverage of the Michael Jackson death hoax. I, myself, was excluded for obvious reasons.
MJHDC: Like the fact that you don't actually do news. You had as much chance of winning as Karen Faye in a talent contest.
HNN: Anyway. The nominees for best news coverage of the hoax death are CNN, TMZ, The Sun, News Of The World, and The Huffington Post.
Dave: I didn't think we were including the Huffington Post because of the word huff and how it might be a bad influence on younger people.
HNN: We let the mutt in so a very obscure drug reference should be OK.
MJHDC: Fuck references. Just say it. Do Drugs. You will get high and then pop some downers. Repeat as necessary.
HNN: OK. Anyway. When we discussed this we decided that The Sun was instantly not going to win because of what they have done in the past.
MJHDC: What misquote Souza?
HNN: No. For the fact they were less than nice about how they reported on Michael Jackson before June 25 2009.
MJHDC: So it wasn't because they penned the phrase "Wacko Jacko" then?
Dave: Well we did take that into consideration.
MJHDC: Do you even know where consideration is?
Dave: Illinois.
MJHDC: (laughing) No wonder No News is fucked with this retard as a reporter.
Dave: Volunteer reporter.
MJHDC: (laughing) You don't even get paid. No wonder you are homeless.
HNN: Well for the same reasons we dismissed the News Of The World. Huffington Post was dismissed in this category as their coverage has not exactly been ground breaking. Which just left CNN and TMZ. TMZ broke the story and have had good all round coverage with stories that nobody else would even consider publishing. But on the other side CNN has given quality interviews with Larry King; and during one of those interviews the infamous Dave Dave interview.
Dave: I have never been on Larry King.
HNN: I said Dave Dave not Homeless Dave.
MJHDC: Clean the shit out of your ears.
HNN: Anyway with a tough decision it was given to TMZ due to their continued hoax clues and news.
MJHDC: Clues? What fucking clues? The fact Harvey wears a pink t-shirt is a clue he is gay? Google him it is already there. No fucking clues needed. What clues about the hoax have come from TMZ?
HNN: Well there was the armored truck moving the coffin.
MJHDC: Saw that on X17 Online myself.
HNN: Look we decided this already.
MJHDC: You and the homeless wonder there decided it not me. I only just came back. Notice I got back before Michael. That is how you do it. 2 years my fucking ass. 4 months and I'm back.
Dave: Unfortunately.
MJHDC: Shut the fuck up.
HNN: Can we just get this done?
MJHDC: Yep I'll do it all. You two fucktards go pick your asses or something and I'll announce the rest.
Dave: But it is called The Daves I have to be here.
MJHDC: Is that a police siren I hear?

(Dave exits the building running as fast he can for a homeless guy with asthma)

HNN: So you want to do all this on your own?
MJHDC: That is what I said.
HNN: OK. Have fun. I'm out. Peace.
MJHDC: Hey fucker I was saying that before you were even thought of. That is why I changed it because you had tarnished it.
HNN: Whatever.

(HNN leaves the building)

MJHDC: OK with those two fucktards out of the way let us just get down to the nitty gritty. These awards were thought up by a homeless guy that lives in a cardboard box; and shares his air space with a bunch of degenerates. Nobody gives a flying fuck what he thinks. As for Hoax News Network I've seen more news on that heathen EWTN channel. So to save you all a lot of time I'll give you my opinion; and hopefully someone will remember to rename it to The Dogs.

I actually agree with Karen Faye being the biggest mistake on Twitter. Most celebrities use Twitter to tell you what is going on with their career and the occasional tweet advertising their latest project. But not Karen; she tweets on and on about Michael Jackson. Yet when anyone questions her version of things she instantly gets all defensive and starts blocking people like it is going out of fashion. The dumb bitch has to realize that almost all of the people tweeting her have read conflicting things about Michael from supposed trusted sources. They are not necessarily questioning her but the fact they have been told something different. Dumb bitch didn't realize that a long time ago so now is seen as some evil, venom spewing, spawn of Satan. And over time she has got more and more defensive. Now she just looks sad and pathetic.

As for TMZ I don't agree. That bunch of clowns will publish anything if it means people will come to their website. CNN is about as reliable as Japanese nuclear reactor. The Sun is all tits and sport. The News Of The World is just fucking sleaze. The Huffington Post abuse bloggers by using their talents without paying them; while raking in the profits. Something to do with Huffington Post merging with AOL for $315 million and all the bloggers work was never compensated. Some lawsuit is in effect. So fuck them. I say don't trust any of the media. Investigate everything for yourself. The internet is so people from all over the world can finally get the reality of stories that were, back in the old days, just available via TV and newspapers. Every news source is sponsored, or owned, by some corporation; and as such has to be somewhat biased in their reporting. So say fuck it and find out things for yourself.

As for awards they are just the opinion of a few people who think they know better. Think your opinion really matters? Does it fuck. The music industry decides who wins what. Hell even American Idol is rigged to a certain extent. Try it next year. Vote for the worse one and see if they ever make it. What you see on TV is just a facade.

As for these Dave awards. Bullshit. Decided by a homeless guy and some fuck who plays with Photoshop. You don't need to be told by them, or me, who is good or bad in this hoax. You all have a brain to decide this shit for yourself.

Fuck it. I'm out of here. Remember - No Love.

HNN Notice: Cuss Count: Extreme

Legal Notice: The Daves Award ceremony was pure satire. It never actually happened. All opinions contained are from that person and that person alone. HNN is not sponsored.


Anonymous said...

No nominations for Moora or is that a completely separate awards show?

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