Homeless Dave For President

With the announcement, last night, from Homeless Dave that he intends to start a presidential campaign; the media, celebrities, and the news are already reacting.

Michelle Obama shocked her husband, and the world, when she said at the White House Correspondents' Association Dinner: "Homeless Dave. Hell yeah. I would vote for him just so Barack has some free time to help around the house; and with the kids. Go Homeless Dave you have my vote!"

Alex Jones, of InfoWars, said: "As long as he has a full length birth certificate I don't give a damn. It is a conspiracy. The founding fathers were the Illuminati. I wish Homeless Dave all the best; but it is never going to happen. I'll be surprised if the CIA or FBI don't take him out before the day. The New World Order will not allow their plans to be disrupted."

Sarah Palin, possible Republic hopeful, said: "Homeless who? Can homeless people run for being President?"

Joe Jackson, father of the Jackson 5, said: "Homeless Dave is running for President? Good. Get that bum out of the White House and replace him with a real bum. Obama said he would hook me up once he was elected - damn cracker didn't hook up shit. Get him out of there and let me make some money. I am sure Homeless Dave will be needing a Secretary Of Fashion."

Although it has not been discussed, or announced, who will be running for Vice-President with Homeless Dave; political pundits are already making predictions.

Glenn Beck, of Fox News, stated: "It has to be Karl; he had the laptop originally. Pete is his best friend but has he made the right deals to become Vice-President material? I'm saying Karl just because of the laptop deal; Dave is not going to forget that."

Larry King, of CNN, said: "You know I have known Homeless Dave before he was homeless. He's a great guy and I'm sure he'll stand by his friend Pete. Laptops and the like will not sway him."

Homeless Dave, himself, is taking it all in his stride: "Originally it was a scam to get a free house. But I thought about it; and who knows better what the average person on the street wants? Nobody. I am on the streets 24/7. I know what concerns people have. I'm ideal for President. I'm not sitting in some ivory tower like Donald Trump. And, I have not forgotten my roots like President Obama."

With regards to his Vice President choice Dave had this to say: "It could be either Pete or Karl. Some have suggested Sheila but she has more skeletons in her past than the whole Osmond family. If I had a coin I'd flip it. At the present I am working on a slogan for my campaign. I have narrowed it down to 4 choices:

Homeless Dave - Stealing The White House.
Homeless Dave - Homeless No More.
Vote Homeless Dave - He's Cheap.
Homeless Dave - The Cheaper Asshole.

I'm not really sure which one to go with as of yet."

So the mainstream media may not keep you up to date with Homeless Dave's Presidential run but Hoax News Network will report, periodically, until Dave is in the White House.


Cuss Count: One (Thanks Joe)

Legal Notice: Any person mentioned in this post did not take part; it is merely satire. No retards were harmed in the production of this post although it is guaranteed a yawning one will read it. HNN is not affiliated with any agency news or otherwise. No sponsorship marred the reporting in this post.


Anonymous said...

Do you suppose Dave can write a guide for us all? Something along the lines of "Tips on How to Survive on the Streets after the New World Order Regime Takes Over". I think we're gonna need it soon. I had hoped someone would have exposed it all by now but they all seem to be delayed :(


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