10/10/2010

The Ten Commandments Of Hoaxers

Recently unearthed at the Jackson Encino compound were two stone tablets which have become known as 'The Ten Commandments of Hoaxers' which supposedly hold the words of Michael Jackson; although who actually transcribed them is still unknown.


The two stone tablets read as:
  • I am the King of Pop, which have brought thee out of the land of Country music, out of the house of Opera.
  • Thou shalt have no other pop idols before me.
  • Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of me, without the consent of the MJ estate.
  • Thou shalt not bow down to false pop idols; such as Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, or Miley Cyrus.
  • Thou shalt not take the name of the King of Pop in vain.
  • Remember the time. Six days shalt thou labor but the seventh day is party.
  • Honor thy father and mother; unless your father be like mine.
  • Thou shalt not kill my songs at karaoke.
  • Thou shalt not commit adultery or you will be forever known as Jermaine.
  • Thou shalt not steal my music in MP3 format.
  • Thou shalt not bear false witness against Conrad Murray.
  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's platinum, gold, and silver discs.
  • These are the words of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. Let them be known to every hoaxer.
And it then bears the signature of Michael Jackson.

Although the stone tablets have been radiocarbon dated, and found to be from August 2009, their authenticity has been questioned by many.

A statement from the Vatican reads: "What? Ten Commandments? There is eleven; who cannot fucking count? Some fucker messed up big time. Oh wait that happens in our King James Bible too. Never mind that bit then. But seriously these were found in Encino? How come the Vatican was not informed before now? Anyway his holiness the Pope said 'Fuck it I am not giving up my Lady Gaga CDs.' The Vatican has no official position on whether Michael Jackson did indeed fake his death or not. But the Pope did laugh his ass off at the SeeingClues video suggesting that TMZ used the Bible in their Michael Jackson news. I believe the Pope texted Harvey and they both laughed at that shit."

Clemens Reichel, an archaeologist at the University of Toronto and a curator at the Royal Ontario Museum, said: "It would appear from all evidence that these two stone tablets are indeed from Michael Jackson himself. What is curious is that are dated as August 2009; when it is well documented within the media that Michael Jackson passed away in June 2009."

Although nobody from the MJ estate would comment on the authenticity of the stone tablets. John Branca did suggest that the tablets could be worth in excess of $500,000,000 to the right person.

Joe Jackson, the father of Michael, stated: "Man that shit is whack. How the fuck did I become part of a commandment? That boy has no respect. If it wasn't for me beating him daily he'd never have made it in the music industry. I taught him that the industry was tough and he had to be tough too; and this is how he repays me. First he leaves me out of the will and now this. I have informed Brian Oxman that it may be a personal attack on myself and a lawsuit will be launched to have that commandment removed. You do realize there is eleven statements. Maybe Jermaine did the carving he has always had problems counting - that is why he has to hit his Mom up for cash all the time."

The stones tablets are expected to be on display in the Smithsonian museum after experts have finished studying them.

Peace.

Cuss Count: Low

Legal Notice: These tablets have not been authenticated. The Pope has never openly said he is a fan of Lady Gaga. This post is merely satire and should not be taken with water after meals. Clemens Reichel is the positions stated but had nothing to do with this; nor did Joe Jackson or anyone from the Vatican.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Any relation to the Agyptian statue in Chicago? A crossing of the Red Sea? Pharaoh as AG pursuing the new Moses?

Anonymous said...

heehee love the joe and jermaine lines, cracks me up every time, hey they're talking about you again over at nazi central

SeeingClues said...

The Pope/Harvey connection will be revealed in "Gospel 2". Just kiddin'. :)

Peace.

jan marie said...

Hebrew 9:27
Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,...

You bro. are you ready when you face The Almighty God when you die?

MJHD Conspiracy said...

jan marie said: "Hebrew 9:27 Just as man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,... You bro. are you ready when you face The Almighty God when you die?"

God? Yeah I'm ready to face God; if he exists. Because if he exists I have few questions to ask him before I head back to hell.

And as far as God judging me - fuck him. If he exists he let the planet go to shit, he let various people live, so if he has a problem with me it is his fault. Might explain why I'm an atheist leaning towards eternal damnation.

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