2/03/2012

The Cult Of Dog


It seems any crackpot, crackhead, or just plain weird person can start a religious cult on the back of the Michael Jackson death hoax. So without further ado I present "The Cult Of Dog".


The Cult Of Dog is based on nothing from the Bible but the one passage:

"And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and her angels, And prevailed not; neither was their place found any more in heaven. And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Dutchie, and Souza, which deceiveth the whole world: she was cast out into the earth, and her angels were cast out with her." (BITT Revelation 12:7-9)

You will notice that the above passage is not in any other Bible; other than the Believe In Thinking Translation; which is owned and copyrighted by The Cult Of Dog. This Bible is based on the King James Version; and then just altered to fit particular beliefs.

The first thing that is noticed in the BITT Bible is that there is no God. This position has been taken by Joe Jackson's father; Samuel Jackson. Who creates Joe and Katherine to populate the world; and give the world the one true saviour Michael Jackson. Another thing usually noted is that the character Jesus Of Nazareth has been replaced by Michael Of Indiana.

The BITT Bible has also dropped the whole of Psalms. Replacing it with the book of Tracks - which lists all of the tracks of Michael Jackson.

Another thing instantly noticed by biblical scholars is that the traditional ten commandments have been replaced. They read as:

  • I am the King of Pop, which have brought thee out of the land of Country music, out of the house of Opera.
  • Thou shalt have no other pop idols before me.
  • Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of me, without the consent of the MJ estate.
  • Thou shalt not bow down to false pop idols; such as Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, or Miley Cyrus.
  • Thou shalt not take the name of the King of Pop in vain.
  • Remember the time. Six days shalt thou labor but the seventh day is party.
  • Honor thy father and mother; unless your father be like mine.
  • Thou shalt not kill my songs at karaoke.
  • Thou shalt not commit adultery or you will be forever known as Jermaine.
  • Thou shalt not steal my music in MP3 format.
  • Thou shalt not bear false witness against Conrad Murray.
  • Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's platinum, gold, and silver discs.
  • These are the words of Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. Let them be known to every hoaxer.

Another thing often noticed by biblical scholars is that Mary Of Magdalene has gone and is replaced by Lisa Marie Of Memphis. There is talk of a separate church starting which puts Lisa Marie on a higher plain and also the founder of the Elvisite Nuns; this has not been confirmed yet so should not be considered canonical to the BITT Bible.

Every religion needs something which is a gray area. The King James Bible has the apocrypha. The BITT Bible has the "Writings Of Jermaine" which although very close to reality obviously attempts to alter the story in some way.

Another thing that every religion needs is beliefs; other than those outlined in the new ten commandments. Praying to Michael will only take place on social networks. You may chose who you wish to be your Michael Jackson. This is not blasphemy because the real Michael Jackson, after reading all the forums, spends his holy time checking Twitter and Facebook. It is however considered  blasphemy to openly pray on MySpace as nobody will ever see it.

That is kind of all the rules. As for everything else - if it is not mentioned in the Bible you are free to decide.

Taking a lead from the Manson family, and Charlie himself, it is expected for all members of The Cult Of Dog to mark themselves in some way. So nobody is hurt a pen marking will suffice.

Now, for my part. Every religion, no matter how crazy, needs a figurehead. So I will appoint myself as the first 'Pope-like' figure of The Cult Of Dog. Which is only fitting as I am the dog in The Cult Of Dog.

BITT Bibles will available in many languages and many formats real soon.


Amen.

Legal Notice: This whole post is nothing more than a satirical stab at the bullshit that is going on over at the MJDHI forum. It is merely a joke and not a religion. That is not to say that some religions are not jokes but that is a whole different post.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh DOG, Please guide in the understanding of the angels and messengers of our MJ, how can we tell a true angelic manifestation from a false peophet who will atttmept to shake our beLIEf and lead us into despair and cyncism?

Anonymous said...

Oh Dog, I am not a robot!How could you mistake me for a robot? is this a clue to the deeper mysteries? I'm sure it's a sign, I will google robots and then post my clues on twitter and facebook in a way so crytic that no one can be sure what I could possibly mean! Blessed is the way of dog and the path of cryptic misinformation!

Anonymous said...

Stop it, I hurt myself laughing! :P

On a serious note... MJ was much into Bible and everything, but he said himself many times
for those still in doubt -"I'm not Jesus, okay?"
Obviously some did not believe him.

I stay away from the religious bit of MJDHI forum, because no matter what role Bible
played in MJs life, whoever plays into religion on that forum does that for reasons
that would make Michael facepalm or even cry.
IMHO of course.

MJspyt said...

That was so funny!
"Have no other pop idols before me!" LMAO !!
Doggy I wish you and Souza would get along, I like you both :).

Anonymous said...

LOL (Smiling)

Anonymous said...

I agree with Anonymous! I wish Doggie and Souza would get along too.
I think they are secretly in love and don't want to admit it. The perfect love-hate relationship. Admit it, Doggie, you want her! LMAO ;)

Seriously though, I do wish you two would get along and stop this nonsense. Enough is enough. Doggie, you are funny as hell, and I've been a follower of your blog for a long time, but I'm also a member on Souza's forum. I respect and like her very much.

Come on, you two, it's time to kiss and make up! LOL

Admin said...

Anonymous said: "I agree with Anonymous! I wish Doggie and Souza would get along too.
I think they are secretly in love and don't want to admit it. The perfect love-hate relationship. Admit it, Doggie, you want her! LMAO ;) Seriously though, I do wish you two would get along and stop this nonsense. Enough is enough. Doggie, you are funny as hell, and I've been a follower of your blog for a long time, but I'm also a member on Souza's forum. I respect and like her very much. Come on, you two, it's time to kiss and make up! LOL"

LOL. Not going to happen. Differences of opinion will always be there. Although I have nothing against Souza, and have stated a few times that she was a good investigator in the beginning. But then, in my opinion she went off the rails and decided that the hoax was all about her.

Anybody wants an example of that just look at the TIAI redirects. They point, the majority of time, to MJDHI. And when the forum was down the redirects had the politeness to point to MJKit.

Are people seriously expected to believe that if you ever want to discover the truth that it will be on MJDHI?

And let us not forget that when the redirects took a break there was a fake MJ on Twitter. And when the fake MJ retired all of a sudden the redirects started again.

I forget the fake MJ name at the moment but if it comes to me I'll drop it here. I think it was TheIllusionist777 - but don't quote me on that as it is just by memory.

Admin said...

Forgot the search function. Not enough sleep. Anyway it was TheIllusion777. I even did a post on that fact too:

http://mjhdconspiracy.blogspot.com/2011/06/was-ts-too-busy.html

Apologies for adding it as a separate comment.

MJspytGina said...

"I think they are secretly in love and don't want to admit it. The perfect love-hate relationship. Admit it, Doggie, you want her! LMAO ;)"

No offense Doggy but it seems like that from the distance. You tease her too much...you like her deep down don't you ....
Better admit it LOL!

One thing I don't understand about you: you think Michael is alive but at the same time you think he wouldn't do anything with the hoax, you think he just dissappeared and that's all?? Does this make sense to you?

Just think about it. What do you think about MJ - is he that coward?

Anonymous said...

THIS has to be one of the funniest things you have ever written. OMG, I laughed till I cried. The Elvisite nuns. LOL. I can just see them dancing to Jail House Rock or your "dog, dog" song. What is the name of that song by the way?
Did you ever think about writing for SNL or MAD TV?

Anonymous said...

Hey, Doggie. I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying that you think Souza was that fake MJ you're talking about on Twitter? If so, that's not true, because that was one of the very accounts that people (including Souza) were alerting everyone to regarding being fake. I remember she posted it in the fake Twitter section of the forum. There was an entire thread about it. So, it has nothing to do with her. She, like everyone else, was trying to alert people about this fake.

Whenever there are fakes, Souza calls them out. TS and Front (Back) are still there after all this time. They are the only two who's ever lasted. Hello, Michael and his main guy! LOL :)

Admin said...

Anonymous said: "Hey, Doggie. I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying that you think Souza was that fake MJ you're talking about on Twitter? If so, that's not true, because that was one of the very accounts that people (including Souza) were alerting everyone to regarding being fake."

I said it was a possibility. And for Souza to alert people to it being a fake has the possible answer that she knows some will follow that 'fake' and discuss what they say.

Kind of like the Army of L.O.V.E going all religious. The forum members are expected to believe that Souza found religion in 2 months and all of a sudden wants to get people on a religious forum? If she has only just found religion she would be more worried about her own beliefs than getting others to follow those short-lived beliefs she has just found.

As for TS, Front, Back still being there. If they wasn't the forum would be almost dead. Those are the threads that get the members in there and posting (for the majority anyway). So Souza will never expose TS, Front, or Back. But then why should she? To use a bile quote:

"And if Satan cast out Satan, he is divided against himself; how shall then his kingdom stand?" (KJV Matthew 12:26)

This religion shit is too easy. And that is the problem. As the quote above proves, anyone can make the Bible to read into any subject. Off topic slightly I remember some comedian once mentioning the first dildo was in the Bible:

"Thus saith the Lord GOD; Because thy filthiness was poured out, and thy nakedness discovered through thy whoredoms with thy lovers, and with all the idols of thy abominations.." (KJV Ezekiel 16:36)

Although it doesn't actually say dildo when that thought is placed with the phrase it can be seen that way.

Admin said...

MJspytGina said: "One thing I don't understand about you: you think Michael is alive but at the same time you think he wouldn't do anything with the hoax, you think he just dissappeared and that's all?? Does this make sense to you?"

If it all made sense there would be no hoax. But with regards to MJ just disappearing I think that is highly likely. To fake your death you have to have a pretty good reason. So if you fake your death; why start giving clues and the such so people can find you.

If MJ faked his death because of a threat against himself, or the kids, then there is no way he would endanger himself or his kids by giving 'clues' and suggestions that he is alive.

If there was no threat, and it was just about a fresh start I know a lot of the MJ fan community, that don't believe it is a hoax, will be pissed at that.

As I have stated, as far as the hoax itself goes, and not the bullshit that is going on now, I know no more than the next person. I just look at things in a certain way, try to make sense of the inconsistencies, and try to work out the "why" if it is indeed a fake death.

Admin said...

Addition - the Ezekiel quote is the wrong one. My bad. I thought about it and found the section the comedian mentioned.

"Thus she committed her whoredoms with them, with all them that were the chosen men of Assyria, and with all on whom she doted: with all their idols she defiled herself." (KJV Ezekiel 23:7)

Either way it is not actually a dildo. LOL.

Anonymous said...

Dildo LMFAO!!!!

Doggy I understand what you're saying but if you think about it and the way MJ's mind works, isn't that the beauty of the hoax plan, by giving 'clues' just enough to let his beloved fans know? I can totally see MJ doing this! I really don't think he would be able to completely stay away from the fan base and I think this was all part of his plan. As far as his kids go, I totally get you Doggy but his kids namely Paris is also giving clues! A lot of people think MJ is behind some of her tweets. If it's just 'clues' it's not endangering his kids or himself because even with all the clues no one can really prove he's still alive, just like no one can prove he's dead. See? It's a beautiful thing!

I think part of the problem, and I'm guilty of this myself, is that most people underestimate the power of MJ and how his mind works.

Doggy why don't you come on over to the forum and do some more investigating and joining in on the discussions? It's SO much more than just 'religious shit.' LMAO Trust me, if it was only about religion I would not be there! Right now, it might seem that way to some people but I think as more 'signs' and 'clues' are revealed things will start to come together even more. I'll let Souza know her 'prince charming' is on his way. No dildo needed. LOL

I hear wedding bells. Ok ok I'll stop now. ;)

Asia said...

doggie you are too much Lmao
I love this blog.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you just leave Doggie alone with this forum invitations. Are you bored or what? And these Doggie & Souza =love jokes, is it that Souza sent her 3 members to melt Doggie? Are you afraid he's going to show the truth behind screwza's forum?

Anonymous said...

"Doggy I understand what you're saying but if you think about it and the way MJ's mind works, isn't that the beauty of the hoax plan, by giving 'clues' just enough to let his beloved fans know?"

If he is still alive and faked his death because he was in danger, then leaving clues and giving clues all the time would be the most stupid thing anyone has ever done.

Anonymous said...

nope. MJ knows what he's doing. ;)

MJspytGina said...

Hey Souza didn't send me LOL!
people have such a rich imagination

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