The Bel13v3r Monthly

American Media Incorporated, the very people that bring you the National Enquirer, have launched a new monthly publication entitled 'The Bel13v3r'.

At a press conference on the sleazy side of downtown Los Angeles the February edition was unveiled.

David Pecker, no seriously that is his real name, the CEO of American Media Inc spoke to the crowded bus depot waiting room: "We at American Media have always gone after the story behind the story. When unemployment was the biggest issue in the United States we gave the story that President Obama was having an affair with Vera Baker. We pride ourselves in uncovering the stories that nobody else will print; not even TMZ. As such we feel that America, and the world, need a monthly magazine explaining the real stories behind the news and how they have an impact on the Michael Jackson hoax death conspiracy. We are not just cashing in like that fucker Rabbi Shmuley we are doing this for the millions of Michael Jackson fans around the world; the fact we intend to make money from this deal is just a coincidence."

Before the first issue has even hit the newsstand the Jackson family has started to complain. Joe Jackson, abusive father of Michael Jackson, said: "Man this is bullshit. Everyone is making money off Michael except me. I can't make a dime from that boy. Hell even Jermaine got money for that fucked up tribute. I have been talking with my attorney Brian Oxman to see if this magazine can either be stopped or at least cut me in on the deal. Pimping is not what it used to be I barely make enough to buy me some bling. And what does Michael do for his father? Fuck all - I got to make my own money yet them two fucked up white boys running my boy's estate are making money. It just ain't right. A son should look after his father in his twilight years no matter how much he beat on him."

Other members of the Jackson family refused to make any public comment except Jackie Jackson who just bleated on about "I know what is going on".

I can reveal some of the stories set to be in the first issue of The Bel13v3r:

Taco Bell Meat Scandal - An in-depth look at the scandal surrounding claims by an Alabama law firm. Although it does not tie in to the Michael Jackson hoax it does mention Tito Jackson:

Head cashier of the Los Angeles Taco Bell, Amanda Gitadun, said "Tito is always making sure my taco is full of meat."

PianoGames Video Award - A look at how PianoGames, a hoax video maker, won an award for the trailer to his latest video yet the actual video itself flopped:

PianoGames said "Hey I got an award. Who cares it was for the trailer. That is better than Maura or any of them other hoax video producers got. So the actual video was a flop. Who cares? I didn't put nearly the same amount of effort into the video that I did the trailer. It is a great honor to be awarded by the Youtube PianoGames Appreciation Society."

7-Eleven To Sue TS - A look at the lawsuit being launched by 7-Eleven against hoax mathematician TS:

7-Eleven spokeswoman, Stacia Kirby said "We were playing with the numbers 7 and 9 long before TS was. OK eventually we chose 7 and 11 but that is not the point. We think it disgusting that some Michael Jackson fan may be misled in to believing that 7-Eleven has anything to do with this idiot. 7-Eleven will not stand by and let this go on amidst rumors that this TS is actually a lesbian Nazi."

The first issue is expected to hit newsstands across the world later this month.

Peace.

Cuss Count: Not Too Bad

Legal Notice: This post is satire. There is no magazine called The Bel13v3r being released by American Media Inc. None of the people mentioned really said anything. But David Pecker really is the CEO of American Media Inc.