11/20/2009

Suicide Is Painless

So someone decided to post that Auntie Amy committed suicide. They did not say how she committed suicide or even say why. So here, in my humble opinion, is what I believe happened...

This Is It, the movie, was released and Auntie Amy was expecting an influx of new members (both real and imaginary members) which would add to the growing money that MJHD was making from mindless people supporting a non-fan that originally declared Michael as "Jacko". When that influx wasn't as great as Auntie Amy thought it was going to be she was stuck with the conundrum that she had ordered a stockpile of diapers that she couldn't afford.

Meanwhile, while all this was going on, Auntie Amy was spiralling further and further into depression as more and more people realized that she was just a money-making whore, that cared for Michael, and the truth, about as much as I care about David Hasselhoff's hemorrhoids or his ever receding hairline.

With growing debts, incurred by diaper purchasing, diaper fetish websites, and a load of other sick things too sick to even mention on this blog one night she couldn't take it any more.

She sat down at her desk, drinking kool-aid, and proceeded to print a list of all the members that she had created. Then she printed a least of all the people that she had conned. After wasting several acres of Brazilian rainforest on these print-outs and others she slowly started to suffocate as the piles and piles of paper started to close in on her. With her editor screaming down the phone for the book that Auntie Amy had promised: "100 Ways to Screw People and Get Them to Say Thank You" Auntie Amy could take no more. She started to rip off her clothes off - including her new deluxe diaper - and started using the paper to cut herself repeatedly until the room was a mass mixture of blood and paper. And thus the end of Auntie Amy.

Well actually it never happened, because after the supposed suicide Auntie Amy was making refunds to the people that she had ripped off, she had tweeted, and she had continued to buy diapers.

So next time you hear that a money-hungry Admin has committed suicide do not believe it until you see the body.

And as for this blog being reported to the police as the cause of Auntie Amy's suicide, I'm guessing the police (even the LAPD) would need some sort of proof that there is indeed a dead body of an Admin called Amy, and that none of the blog was true, before they did anything. And as everything that was ever written was factual I'm not really expecting the police to come knocking.

Peace.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

There were no refunds. It's a lie.

Anonymous said...

Yes there were, Amy is going to refund all two people that actually asked for them back--IF they did indeed donate. No one is going to scam her, she kept proof of who did and didn't donate. Maybe your 'friend' is lying about donating. Or maybe you are trying to refer to yourself when you say 'friend' if you are the commenter I think you are.

~SilverWolf~

Anonymous said...

You are SICK in the head!

Blog Author said...

Silverfish said: "Yes there were, Amy is going to refund all two people that actually asked for them back--IF they did indeed donate. No one is going to scam her, she kept proof of who did and didn't donate. Maybe your 'friend' is lying about donating. Or maybe you are trying to refer to yourself when you say 'friend' if you are the commenter I think you are."

Believe everything Auntie Amy told you?

Anonymous said...

My only point is that to joke about a person commiting suicide is sad. I don't know who you are, but there's nothing funny about that. You must be one cold-hearted person to even go there. Even so, I should hope that you never have to endure something so tragic as what you make jokes about: someone close to you commiting suicide. I hardly think it would be so funny to you then.

Anonymous said...

haha
yeah, I know she's not dead. 'You' totally did not get any of this. I was saying that joking about suicide is not funny!

Blog Author said...

To clear this up, I did not joke about suicide in general, I was joking about the comment posted saying Auntie Amy had committed suicide which was indeed false.

Suicide in general is no joking matter, but the comment about Auntie Amy doing the deed was. So if that makes me 'sick in the head' so be it. I'm sick in the head.

Anonymous said...

Silverfish, go get a life. Wash your hair and refrain from getting it on with your mother. Wanna get into Amy's diapered pants? Beautiful!

Blog Author said...

Anonymous said: "hey, where is the comment I posted?? oohh.. or did I hit the nail on the head....lmao...you little pussy...lol"

Every single comment is posted. So if you did post a comment and you don't see it, post again. I don't delete/censor/edit any of the comments.

Iloveyoumore said...

MJHD Conspiracy said "I don't delete/censor/edit any of the comments" -- Well yes you do, dearie, because someone posted my address (this is Iloveyoumore, btw), and you deleted it, although I asked you not to. So I had to go and post it in full on MJA instead, to let them know I don't give a flying fuck who knows my address. So, hotcakes, you do delete on occasion (even if only to try and be nice, cause you do have a protective side to you. xoxox

Blog Author said...

Oh an address, that one I didn't publish, and yeah I have a nice, protective, side - just don't mention it too much. I have this reputation as an asshole to live up to. LOL.

Anonymous said...

"When that influx wasn't as great as Auntie Amy thought it was going to be she was stuck with the conundrum that she had ordered a stockpile of diapers that she couldn't afford."

and

"With her editor screaming down the phone for the book that Auntie Amy had promised: "100 Ways to Screw People and Get Them to Say Thank You" Auntie Amy could take no more. She started to rip off her clothes off - including her new deluxe diaper "

made me laugh like I've NEVER laughed before. you have alot of talent in writing. And I can tell alot in computers too. Im a long time member of MJHD and I agree with everything you say.

are you a guy/girl, single/taken? MARRY ME?

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